Ten Things I've Learned From Teaching in My Children's School

I missed going to open house this year. I needed to play teacher that evening. I may have the “inside track” on all sorts of things, but being a teacher in the same school as my child has its benefits and challenges. The benefits outweigh the challenges, and I have only had a few difficult or uncomfortable situations.

Sharing school with my children has made me a better teacher. When I have staff members’ children, I try to have a chat with them during the first month of school. I ask them to be candid with me. I tell them that I am a big boy, and if they have feedback, questions, or observations, they should not hesitate to tell me. They have a unique window into my classroom, and I want to know what they see. I don’t treat their children any differently than any other student. However, the truth is, when their children go home and talk about class, their parents have a far more complex understanding of what is going on. Hearing that view would make me a better teacher for all students.

Here a list of ten things I have learned from being on both sides of the desk

1. Be predictable. It creates enormous anxiety if students cannot figure out teacher’s behavior or choices. Sending homework to students via email at the last minute is nerve racking. Not knowing what will happen in class day to day creates anxiety that interferes with learning.

2. It is not a sign of weakness to bend or change. If you are tempted to say to a child, “If I do this for you, I have to do it for everyone,” then DO IT FOR EVERYONE! That may be a lot of work, but such flexibility is critical. Rigid adherence to rules for their own sake is unfair to everyone.

3. Homework needs to be meaningful. Why are we giving it? What does it teach the kids? Do they know this? Do you go over this in class? Can they see its value? Can you?

4. Homework needs to be reasonable. I have been the biggest offender in this regard. I can imagine some of my former students reading this and rolling their eyes. Check with kids and ask them how long the homework takes. If the homework is meaningful, this issue is not as problematic as when it is busy work. I have been struggling with homework load for a very long time. Students must practice skills outside of class to achieve mastery. Different kids need different amounts and types of practice. Finding the balance is worth the struggle.

5. Whenever children are on the grade bubble, give them the benefit of the doubt and give them the higher grade. This is my rule. I don’t do this for minor quarter grades or progress checks. However, at semester time, no one -  I repeat NO ONE – will miss a grade by a small amount. What is the price of NOT doing this? Does this somehow damage a teacher’s credibility or authority? Are we that certain of our evaluations and systems? The reward here is great. The cost is zero.

6. Take the temperature of your class regularly. One of my children came home and said, “I go to this class to feel stupid.” The teacher was not a bad teacher, but he clearly did not know how students were feeling and all he had to do was ask.

7. How much should speed matter? Unless we are engaged in an athletic endeavor, how important is it that students get things done quickly? My children have encountered with frightening regularity tests that are too long. Over and over, it feels like we are not testing skills or knowledge, but the child’s ability to perform at warp speed. Is that what we want? How important is racing through the assessment?

8. Teachers must rethink their use of points and averaged grading. What is it really for? Here are my thoughts on why point based averaged grades are not a good choice.  Look here for more information on grading.

9. Be kind with finals. Help kids with finals – even older ones. Give them information about finals early to reduce anxiety and facilitate planning. We sometimes get confused about what is done for our benefit and what is done for theirs. Giving finals early gives us more time to grade and more free time at the end of the semester. It makes their end of the quarter a stressful nightmare.

10. Minimize lecture. Some kids love lecture because it asks so little of them. Some kids like lecture because it allows them to go to sleep. Most kids will tell you that a more active classroom is not only more engaging, but more productive. The research is clear and indisputable: it is time to replace lecture with countless other ways to deliver content. Reading, research, video, experiences, and countless other options are far better approaches. Like salt in the soup, a little lecture here and there is fine. A diet of all lectures is deadly.

Do I do all of this all of the time? Of course! Well, of course, I do it most of the time. And even after nearly thirty years, I am still experimenting, and I still make mistakes. The key is that teachers must be open to feedback and then reflect, revise, rework, and try again – just like the kids!

My Wait Problem

I move too quickly. Whether it is making decisions, sending email or, unfortunately, opening my mouth, I frequently find myself wishing I had waited just a few more minutes or even seconds. Patience is a virtue I am trying to cultivate, and it is extremely difficult.

The more I think about it, the more I think patience may be the cardinal virtue, especially for take action people like me. Yes, we must be kind and loving and giving and all that. However, to me, those are easier because I can do them. Not doing is far more difficult.

As I taught my younger child to drive, I realized that patience is the key to good driving and a lack of it causes many of the issues on the road. Remember that wonderful moment in the movie Starman when, after alien Jeff Bridges nearly causes an accident at an intersection, Karen Allen yells at him, “You said you watched me. You said you knew the rules.” His reply may be the mantra for many drivers. He tells her, “Red light stop. Green light go. Yellow light go – very fast.” Waiting may be the key to safety in the car.

As a teacher and a parent, I must learn to wait. I want my kids (my own children and my students) to succeed! Yet, learning is messy, complex, and most of all time consuming. It doesn’t happen in an instant. I have to be willing to let go, and allow them figure it out on their own, and I must wait.

Sitting at the gate before a flight, looking at the phone expecting a call, refreshing the email screen over and over can feel like wasting time. Speed is a modern virtue, but it is self-defeating. The faster I go, the faster I want to go. The more I get done, the more time I have to do more and more and more. Stop!

“Wait!” has also become a verbal tick, the new “um” or “like”. My students pepper their speech with "wait!" Perhaps the world is moving too fast for them. As I hear their interjections of, “wait,” I am reminded of small children trailing after their parents. Are kids struggling to keep up, and just begging us to wait?

Recently, my younger child was ill. It was not a serious illness by any means, but I had to stop myself from pestering him with questions about how he felt. I didn’t want to wait for the illness to go away. Waiting feels like powerlessness; I am giving up when I am waiting. Surrendering to my own powerlessness, stepping back and not taking action is far more challenging than calling doctors and administering medicines. The truth is that, when it comes to illness, what I really need is – wait for it – more patience!

One of my most challenging wait problems has another name: listening. Listening is not waiting to talk. Listening is not waiting for my turn. Listening  is being in the moment and not jumping ahead. A speaker at school turned wait into an acronym that stood for “Why Am I Talking”. It’s a good question. Often, it is just better to wait.

Perhaps that is why type A planners like me must learn to wait well – and why it is so difficult. We are always figuring out what comes next, and that may mean we miss now. Now is certainly as important as next. Now is all we really have, and next is just a potentially. Why sacrifice now for something that may not happen?

In one of my favorite books, Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein, the protagonist frequently responds to problems with the statement, “Waiting is…” It is just is. It isn’t doing; it isn’t planning. It just is. And that’s why I struggle with my wait problem.