Reading For Treasure: My Articles!

Reading for Treasure is my list of articles that are worth your attention. Click here for an introduction!

In the past few weeks, I have had an essay published and been featured in an article in two Jewish publications. So, this month, here are these two articles, both dealing with religion. 

When Humanistic Judaism Magazine decided to focus its winter issue on Judaism and science fiction, several people reached out and asked me if I’d like to contribute. It is true that my first experiences with science fiction were at my congregation’s religious school on Sundays. My love of science fiction and my philosophy as a Secular Humanistic Jew are two of the most important elements of my identity. So of course, I wrote a piece similar to my blog posts. This link is to the preview version of the magazine. My essay, “Sunday School Made Me a Science Fiction Fan,” is on page 12. 

Tablet Magazine is a Jewish publication that covers a wide range of topics from news and religion to culture, history, and sports. They have been exploring the diversity of the Jewish community through a series of discussions called “The Minyan,” which they describe as, “Roundtables on the state of the American Jewish community, bringing together people from a shared demographic or background—everyday people with personal opinions, not experts who earn their salaries discussing these issues.” A reporter reached out to me to participate in an online gathering of Jews who did not believe in God in the traditional sense of the concept. The reporter gathered a group virtually and we had a fascinating and thoughtful conversation that was published in this article. In addition to the article, a podcast version of this conversation will be released sometime soon.

Currently, I am reading Babel: Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators' Revolution by R.F. Kuang

The Kind of Person You Are!

You are a good person. You are a person of integrity and strong beliefs. You are a person who is thoughtful and emotionally aware. Sometimes, you get angry. Sometimes, you are disappointed and feel like this country is heading down the wrong path. 

You are not racist, sexist, or any of those things. You work hard to be fair and keep an open mind. You admit that you sometimes judge people, but that is a normal human response. What counts is how you judge - not based on skin color or wealth or religion or any of those things, but on how people function as human beings. 

While you are subject to the whims and impulses that flesh is heir to, you consider yourself logical. You may not be Mr. Spock, but you are reasonable and rational. You consider a situation carefully and look closely at the details, facts, and history before rendering an opinion. 

You are not afraid to admit when you are wrong or to change your point of view when you learn new things. Like many of us, you dislike changing your opinion, but you see it as a sign of growth. 

You see disagreement as a way to discover more about other people and enhance your understanding of them and the world. Such conversations are opportunities to deepen both the relationships and your own perceptions. 

Fairness and consistency are critical. While there are rules that are wrong, for the most part, rules should be obeyed and those who do not obey them should face consequences. Although there are people who feel like they are so special that they should have the right to walk over everyone and do whatever they want, rules should apply to everyone the same way. You have worked hard to be an evenhanded person when dispensing this kind of justice and, although sometimes begrudgingly, accepted it when it was your turn to receive it. 

The only way any of us moves forward is to help one another. You believe in charity, giving, and being your brothers’ and sisters’ helper. People have reached out to you when you needed it and you do your best to pay that forward. 

You stand by your promises. You do what you say you are going to do. You have little respect for those who talk a lot and do very little. You believe that there are obligations that we must fulfill, whether it is to our family, community, nation, or the world at large. Sometimes, you have had to remind people that everything is not just about them! 

Your sense of yourself is not bound up in any one particular thing. You have strong philosophical beliefs, but you are more than that. Your family connections are very important, but that is not all there is to you. You are complex. 

You do not respect people who take advantage of the weak, old, or vulnerable. You will not be scared into decisions or let fear drive your choices. You do not like cheaters, spoiled sports, or bullies. Those who work hard should reap the fruits of their labor while the lazy, entitled, and selfish should not be allowed to profit from others’ efforts. 

You work hard to be honest with yourself. Sometimes, you excuse bad behavior of those you like or are critical of good acts of those you find objectionable, but even as you do this, you realize it is not consistent with how you see yourself. You would not want to be judged that way. 

You are practical. You rarely engage in flights of fancy, except perhaps as a mental exercise or an occasional lark. You believe that the simplest and most straightforward explanations are usually correct and when people have to twist themselves into pretzels to justify or explain something, you are suspicious. 

Sometimes you have trouble trusting people. You want to believe that people are naturally good, but that doesn’t fit with all you have experienced. You agree that most people want to be good, but don’t always make good choices for a variety of reasons. You can forgive some of them, sometimes. Forgiving is one thing, but it doesn’t mean that you allow yourself to be duped or conned. 

When you were younger, you would sometimes say and do things to get the approval of your friends or authorities, even when you did not agree with them. You recognize that this is also a normal and human thing to do, but as an adult, you do not conform with the majority when it is not authentic. You are willing to champion an unpopular view when you believe in it and you resist yielding to social pressure.

You would make a good judge. You weigh facts before making decisions. You are slow to anger. You try to see things from the other person’s point of view. The world is not just good and bad, near and far, rich and poor, but is far more complicated. 

When your heroes and leaders reveal their feet of clay, you are disappointed, but not surprised.  You feel uplifted when they make things better, and like a disheartened parent, are saddened when they behave badly. But they, like all of us, should face the consequences of our choices. You strongly believe that no one is above that. No one has the right to get away with misdeeds. No one, you insist, is above the law. That would be unfair and would cause or society to collapse. 

Of course, there are people who think the rules do not apply to them. You have encountered these people too frequently. You pity them as much as dislike them. While it isn’t usually your job to remind them that they are human, too, you have taken perhaps too much pleasure in knocking some of them down a peg or two. 

You vote. You pay your taxes. You obey the laws. You go to the courthouse when you are called for jury duty. You are a good citizen. You believe that we all should support our communities. 

You are charitable. You give to the poor, sick, and those who have had bad luck. You hope you will never be on the other side of that, but you hope that, if you were ever in need, people would help you. 

You could never support a candidate for office who you knew to be cheating, lying, or hurting people. That would not be consistent with who you are. You would never give your backing to someone who was selfish, spoiled, or hateful.  You would not turn your back to all you are and all you hold dear to follow a seductive smooth-talking charlatan! You are not a sucker or a hypocrite! You wouldn’t be able to face yourself in the mirror if you did. 

May I Talk To The Younger You?

Dear Distant Friend, 

While our connection has not been that strong recently, know that I pay attention to your posts on social media and your comments elsewhere. I am thinking of you and wishing you well. 

I don’t know the present you that well. I knew an older version. It is that person in the past, that child, that young adult, to whom I’d like to talk today. May I? Would you put that earlier you on the line? 

My memories of you as a young person are clear. I found you likable and engaging. More than that, I recall that you had strong feelings. You fought against unfairness! You complained about teachers or other adults who didn’t treat kids well. Your cry of “that’s not fair” was far more than most people your age. Sometimes, you would stand up for someone and, I could tell, sometimes the price was too high. You wanted to come to their defense, but couldn’t. 

You really got upset if you thought people were not being truthful or entirely truthful to you – especially adults you trusted. I remember that you struggled when you wanted to defend a friend who got in trouble for lying, but you were also angry with them. You knew that truth and trust go hand and hand. You did not desire trust so much that you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of like other kids, who just went along with the crowd. If you didn’t feel safe, if you didn’t trust, if you didn’t believe you were being told the truth, you went your own way. I admired that about you and tried to be that way myself. 

Our friends are reflections of ourselves. I remember hearing about how you did some friendship reorganization. Did I get that term from you? Did you coin that? Was it in music class where you sang a song that said, “a man is judged by the company he keeps?” You struggled to find friends who treated you well; who would be the same with you when it was just the two of you as they would be after school or on the bus. 

And as you were going through that friendquake, I saw the kind, compassionate, and empathetic side of you. Is that part of you still there? I hope it is. I remember how you reached out to folks who needed a hand. How you did little things that were gentle and thoughtful for both your peers and others. I knew that you cared if I wasn’t feeling good or if someone was struggling or hurting. You didn’t make a show of it, and I am sure some people might have missed it, but it caught my attention when you showed it to me. Your empathy, on an occasion that I still find painful, was something I still treasure and is one of my strongest links to you. 

The reason I am writing to your younger self is that I need those aspects of you now. I need the strengths you developed long before many of the rest of us did. Frankly, all of us need you now. We need people who value truth and trust, want strong and steady friends, are kind, compassionate, and thoughtful. I want to live in a world, in a country, of people like you, who have strong values and really live them out. We need people who aren’t selfish but give to others; we need people who demand the truth and then act on it. We need people who want fair and honest dealings for everyone! 

I don’t know if that younger self can write me back. Is that an unfair request? I am just asking for a glimpse, a moment, or even a reawakening of the parts of you that drew me to you so long again when you were young and I was - younger. 

We are living in an unsteady world. We are experiencing a civilization-quake. The company we keep, the choices we make, the values we hold will determine whether we grow and thrive, or get sick and fall apart. 

I still trust that younger you. I hold that younger you close to my heart especially this coming week, this election. 

Thank that person for me. Thank you for being that person and thank you for reading this too long letter. I needed to write it to remind myself that people like you are out there. 

My resolve is back. I know what I must do. 

Thank you for guiding me there, 

Your Friend 

Name Blame

It is completely my fault. My memory is not what I wish it would be. I would like to have every student’s name at the tip of my mind. When I bump into a former student or see a student from a few years ago in the hall, I want to be able to call them by the correct name immediately.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen all the time. I used to be proud of how often I could get students’ names right. Now, I am starting to struggle. I usually remember the student – or parent or classmate or neighbor – but my mouth doesn’t always keep pace with my memory. I know the person, but the name lags behind.

To make it worse, if I mixed up two students’ names when they were in class, that confusion sticks forever. The mix up may have nothing to do with looks. If I was not able to cure myself of saying Sarah when I met Carrie or saying Carrie when I meant Sarah when we shared class, I am going to take this bad habit with me.

And I don’t think that Sarah IS Carrie! I know the difference! This is not about knowing the person; this is about slipping and calling them the wrong name. I often know that I have blown it immediately. My memory is late.

There were two boys in one of my classes last year and I worked hard to not mix them up. But in the hall a few weeks ago, I blew it. Later, the one whose name I used (incorrectly) said to me, “I heard you called Brett my name.” Yup! I did! I knew it wasn’t you. I can tell you and Brett apart. It wasn’t that I get the two of you confused, I had a memory glitch!

Unfortunately, the problem is getting worse. The more names in my head, the more likely I am going to mess them up. The other night, I went to a restaurant and a recent graduate was there. I couldn’t remember her name. I was only moderately consoled that my wife couldn’t remember her name either. You guessed it; I remembered her name moment she left.

Maybe this is just a slowing down of mental agility. As I am getting older, I am struggling to get the name from my brain to my tongue fast enough. Maybe it is a volume problem. I have taught several thousand students and met even more parents. Add my own classmates and the numbers are staggering.

Which is why I am so grateful for Facebook and Instagram. Former students, parents, and classmates with whom I am connected via social media help me get ready for these meetings. Of course, I am not friends with current students, but once they are out of my current class, I could use the help. I have about 140 students in class right now, but I have more than 300 former students roaming the halls! Keeping all that in my head is task enough!

I have thirty-two yearbooks on my shelf at home and every so often I use them. I went to a gathering and caught a glimpse of a former student. I knew what class he was in. I remembered his senior project. I recalled the room in which we studied together. I just couldn’t come up with his name! I went back to the yearbook and found him instantly. In fact, I had his first name before I had his photograph. I was just a day late.  

I apologize. I blush! I hate getting names wrong! I wish I had a big yearbook of just my people. Perhaps I should rehearse and review names on a daily basis. Would that be enough to keep my old mind in shape?

Excuses aside, I am coming to terms with saying, “You are going to have to help me with your name.” I am so grateful for the reconnections that start with, “I’m so-in-so.” Of course, you are. The blame is mine. Nonetheless, I am so glad to see you!

We Are Not Who We Were

Have you ever had a conversation with a distant family member who sees you occasionally and you realize that this person doesn’t really know you? They see you as who you were years ago. Their mental image of you has not kept up with the times.

This is a typical point of contention in families: as children grow and change, their parents and the other adults in their lives struggle to keep up, especially when the changes happen so quickly. However, children aren’t the only ones who change; we all keep growing.

I look back at my first years as a teacher, and I shake my head. I am amazed that I made it through! I am embarrassed by my mistakes, and I wonder what took me so long to figure things out. Sometimes, I look back at last week in the classroom and feel the same way.

One of the appeals of throwback Thursday is this embarrassment. We see the old photos and we are shocked! Yes, that is me, but it looks nothing like I am now  - on the outside.

I meet former students who have grown up, sometimes way up, and I struggle to see the person I knew years ago. Of course, they have changed physically, and as we talk, I am amazed and delighted by the wonderful people they have become. The person I knew has transformed into someone better.

Often, I beat myself up over stupid things I have done in the past. Sometimes, I am that distant relative who can’t see the older me. Maybe I am in denial, refusing to see the present me.  Maybe I get stuck.

It is easier to hang on to the past, clinging to the idea that our identities are static.  I don’t want to have to keep relearning and changing my views. I want people to be like the characters in books. My favorite characters are always in those pages. I know exactly what they will do. They are comfortingly predictable. Real people don’t work that way.

The reverse is true as well: I don’t want to let go of the negative feelings I had toward people in my past. I want to believe they are the same as when they hurt me long, long ago. Sometimes, those nasty people are still nasty. Sometimes, they have also changed and they, too, are embarrassed by their pasts. We don’t have to forget the past, but we shouldn’t imprint it on the present.   

When we see people daily or even just a few times a month, we don’t notice the changes. We adjust in such small increments that we are fooled into thinking nothing has changed. When we see people only occasionally or merely connect through Facebook, Instagram, or email, we are really conversing more with an old photograph than an old friend.

When my students visit, I need to get to know them again. We share a powerful past, but we haven’t shared much recently. Social media may provide the information, but those old anchors stay put. We have to take a new photo.

We are not who we were. I am not the person, teacher, husband, father, son, brother, friend, or relative I was years (or months) ago –and there big changes ahead.

Branded!

I have lost track of the number of emails I receive that end with, “Sent from my iPhone” or something similar. I see countless people each day wearing clothing with the name or logo of a company, team, or college in large letters. Why do people feel the need to brand themselves? Why would people turn themselves into free advertisements?

Is this about showing off? Is this really saying, “Hey, look. I have this cool toy,” or “I can afford this expensive piece of clothing” or “I don’t give a damn about the price of gas!” Perhaps it is bragging about being included in something exclusive. Some middle schools have banned the wearing of bar and bat mitzvah clothing because it is really about demonstrating who is “in” and who is “out.” Someday, I am going to set up a little stand in front of our middle school and sell shirts that say, “I went to Alan Shepard’s bar mitzvah – and you didn’t!”

Some of this branding might be about social status. Let’s face it, the cool kids in school were often those who could afford the good stuff, be it clothing, electronics, cars, vacations or other status symbols. Superficial popular trends frequently center around celebrities and personality. So by imitating the “rich and famous” (or perhaps the popular and wealthy), a little of their social capital rubs off on their little clones. When we buy these popular products, we are getting far more than a purse or a car.

This could also be about identity. I sometimes wonder if there are people who are so empty that it they need to be filled up with consumer products. Who am I? I am the sum of things I own. Identity (or status) is siphoned off from these brands. So I am a little bit Cadillac, Bulls, Harvard, and Hollister. Aren’t I special?

But to be branded is to be owned. Who owns whom here? You paid a premium for that purse or SUV or phone that advertises a brand. Are you now an agent of that brand? You are certainly a human billboard. Perhaps you could have paid less for a comparable item but you chose to spend more for the label. Mr. Barnum would love you! I’ll bet the brands love you too!

Of course there is the intangible, “feeling” quality of the product. The product just makes me feel better and that is why it is worth more money. I know that logically, the shirt without the logo is more practical, but I like the shirt with the logo more. What does that sound like? It sounds like marketing and advertising work! It sounds like a cop-out rationalization for wasting money. You might as well say, “I know I am being manipulated, but I am okay with that.” Why?

Identities built on conspicuous materialism are not real. You are NOT what you own. The clothes do not make the person. The desire to define oneself, to individuate and discover one’s unique qualities is a human trait. To purchase these characteristics off the shelf is cheating. Identity must be created individually and authentically. It is better to have an organic identity and be real than to have a pre-processed brand and be plastic.