Twenty Years Ago: January 2004

I was surprised by all the ways that January 2004 was similar to January 2024. It was quite different, of course, but the similarities showed how things had not changed. While this reflection on twenty years ago has been a wide-eyed tour of the past, it also shows how my present is still connected to that long ago time. 

I laughed when I described our return from vacation as, “mildly overwhelming” because I was feeling the same thing after I got off the plane with my twenty-something children and my aging eighty-something parents. 

Similarly, the entire family spent a few days, “bubble headed” then and now. We got home and everyone went to sleep, even though it was 7am. Some of us took longer to get back on Central Time – the same someones as twenty years ago. 

We arrived home exhausted and, as I went to bed, “I was so tired last night that when I tried to read, the book kept slipping from my hands.” I had napped earlier but it didn’t matter at all. We were pooped! 

Twenty years ago, my daughter got a stomach bug as we got home from vacation. The same thing happened this year. However, this year, she had to suffer on a plane back to D.C! I felt guilty that I could not nurse her the way I did in 2004. 

Fortunately, unlike 2004, none of the rest of us caught that bug. In 2004, it went through the house like that nauseating montage in the movie version of The Secret Life of Dentists. In 2004, we also shared colds; not doing that this year.  

I laughed out loud when I referred to, “The ladies of the morning;” my mother, my wife’s sister, and my wife’s aunt, who would always call us before 8am. While that no longer happens, my wife and daughter have a morning call routine now. 

As it was in 2004, I returned home and I almost immediately planned the next trip. Then it was a spring break visiting my cousin in Florida back then, this year, it is little jaunts, local science fiction conventions, and a February escape. We no longer celebrate spring break. 

January remains a month of dental visits for most of us. While we no longer have a dog, my daughter’s dog had his dental visit, too. He is in much better health than our elderly ailing dog was in 2004. I was considering doggie diapers, the insulin was so ineffective. 

When my parents moved recently, I found a disc with old photos. My father took photos of the house in 2004 for insurance purposes. Most of the house looked pretty much as it did before they moved. 

That is where the similarities end. In 2004, we had some significant snowfalls, the water main broke and we had no water for a while. The furnace’s pilot light went out and we spent a very cold evening before we figured out the issue. We saw The Lion King with the folks and the kids. It was a little much for our younger child. 

As I have written about in the past, our school moved finals before winter break a few years ago. In 2004, we had two weeks of class then finals, and then the start of the new semester. That makes things more stressful. I do not miss all that grading! I would sit in my younger child’s room and try to get on the school network since the school was just over the fence. Sometimes it worked. 

I often told the story that my parents complained that their grandchildren always used “please” and “thank you” with them. I didn’t know my reply was exactly twenty years old, “At dinner, when my father made his please-thank you comment, I informed him that we were making a special rule just for him. Where the kids normally said, “please,” they would instead say, “now” or “darn it” and instead of “thank you,” they would say “finally” or “it’s about time.”

My daughter made the school spelling bee. I really don’t like spelling bees.  I rehearsed and then officiated a bat mitzvah since our congregation had not yet hired a rabbi. Like this year, the end of the month brought snow and brutal cold. 

Finally, “I was awakened at 1:55am by a  phone call telling me that the folks alarm had gone off and should they send the police? At that time of night, I thought it best to have the police go look around. However, if the problem was something inside, a burst pipe or other problem, they wouldn’t see it. I needed to go to the house. So I got dressed, bundled up and off I went.” Fortunately, that situation has not happened often. My parents just moved out of that house and now live only ten minutes north of me. 

If you ask me what were the highlights (or lowlights) of January (or February) of 2004, I probably could not have provided many specifics. When I read my old journals, it come back powerfully. Things have changed so much, mostly for the better, but I miss when my kids were little and my parents were younger. I do not miss the frenetic and stressful life we lived in 2004. 

Twenty Years Ago: December 2003

For so many years, December was the most challenging month of the year. The weather turns colder, the weeks of school between Thanksgiving and winter break are hectic, and there are many holiday celebrations. I am not sure this got any better as my children got older. Thus, my level of busy was at its peak, “My school computer froze on me yesterday and it is sitting in the tech office. I have a haircut, interdepartmental lunch, I’m teaching Humanities solo and I need the laptop cart in the computer lab. It is going to be one hell of a day. Oh, and did I mention there is an FAC meeting after school. Oh yeah, need to call the kids’ doctor to set up a nasal spray session for them.”

The dog was still waking us up early – but not enough. He was leaving us smelly surprises, too. He was nearly blind, but had an operation on his eyes that was helpful – and time-consuming. 

We celebrated Hanukkah with family and at temple. I was also getting ready for a special family trip for winter break! We had never been on such a long plane flight as a family. Boarding a dog with significant medical needs was challenging. I kept waiting for the kennel to tell me it was too much. They didn’t say that in December – but they did say it later. 

I noted that, although a lot was going on at school, it was the portion of the day over which I felt like I had the most control, “Teaching is a challenge today, but that was the easiest part of the day.”

Packing for ten days out of town with young children was stressful, “We are going to schlep a ton of bags. We have four small bags, several as little as one of our carry-ons, one large Pullman, a car seat, three backpacks (carried on), and one rolled-on carry-on. Thank goodness we do not have a connecting flight; with so many pieces of luggage, the odds of getting one misplaced are way too good. Unlike my usual strategy, two of the bags primarily have the kids’ stuff and three have mostly our stuff.” It was clear to me, even then, that we overpacked. Oh, well. 

One theme of this retrospective of 2003 is that we had lots of colds. December was no different. One of my children almost always had a cold and either my wife or I would share it. However, this was the first time that our children got a flu shot. That helped! 

As we got closer to winter break, I found I was more and more desperate for the time off, – “I just need some downtime. I just need some time to turn off the real world.” Recently, one of my children felt the same way. These trips are now more about being together than relaxing and decompressing – but that was not the case twenty years ago.  

When we finally left, the kids were great on the long flight “Both took naps, both watched DVD, both nibbled and read and played chess. They are awesome.” They were and are great travelers. I sat between them with lots of activities and things to eat. The trip there was laden with anticipation, which helped. 

The trip itself was wonderful. I think that getting away from Chicago’s gray and cold weather is healthy and helpful. A change of scene is also a great way to feel renewed and see things differently. However, we do make the distinction between a trip and a vacation. While there were some vacation elements, such as the children going to the resort’s kids club, this was most certainly a trip. 

One child had an issue with water in the ear that necessitated a house call from a doctor. We learned that, after a day of play, the kids might literally fall asleep at dinner if we ate too late. One fell asleep and I had to carry him back to our room. 

We celebrated Hanukkah and enjoyed the resort’s Christmas activities. My parents traveled with us, and have over winter break since the kids were born. It was great to be together. I have always been so grateful that my parents have been such an integral part of my children’s lives – and are to this day. 

On the way home, the kids were tired. Yes, they slept, but they were also out of sorts. No one was looking forward to going back to the cold – or regular life. And then we moved on to 2004, as we now move into 2024: with hope, with conviction, with anxiety, and with renewed resolve. 

Happy everything to everyone! 

Finals Before Broken

After not enough debate, my school has decided to move final exams to the end of December, before the winter break. However, unlike many schools in our area, we are not altering the start or end of our school year. Instead, our semesters will be uneven. The second semester, starting in January, will be two weeks longer than first semester.

I am concerned that we have not fully explored the ramifications of this decision.

I fully endorse that school breaks should be homework free. They should be real breaks. That is clearly why so many members of our community supported this change. However, as I have written before if the problem is studying for finals over break, the answer is not to change the timing of finals, but the nature of finals. Finals are the issue, moving them doesn’t change the problem.

Nonetheless, here we are. We are going down this path and our map is incomplete. I have some concerns and questions about what will happen at the end of December.

Since the first semester will be two weeks shorter than in past years, students will have less time to master the content and become proficient in the skills. The end of the semester assessment will catch them earlier than it has in the past, meaning their grades may be lower.

In addition, the tests themselves may be different. I have already heard talk about changing the nature of first semester tests so that they are easier to grade. Teachers don’t want work over winter break either. While some areas already give a great deal of objective, multiple choice, and scantron based tests, we may see more of this. So, instead of a written exam allowing students to actively demonstrate their understanding, we may see more tests that are quicker and easier to grade, but more difficult for students.

Another option may be that we’ll see more finals due before the actual finals week. This has been happening more and more with our old calendar. This gives students more stress and work and teachers more time to grade. Currently, many students have final “projects” that must be turned in as early as two weeks before the scheduled exam date. I am willing to bet we’ll see many more of these.

Of course, with almost two additional weeks in second semester, we might see more content being taught after winter break. This might mean that second-semester finals are longer and include more material. Instead of an even split between semesters, first semester exams might be easier on teachers and harder on students and second-semester exams might just include more material.

The main reason for this shift was that teachers gave homework over break. Some students also used winter break as a time to get ready for finals and start studying. I have not seen this happen often. My experience is that students do very little or no work over the holiday. Finals used to be scheduled the third week of January, and I have not seen many students work on them before January. While I have seen students deal with homework over break, the solution is one that Lane Tech High School in Chicago recently implemented: make a rule that there is no homework over break!

If students are starting to study for tests over winter break, which used to begin four weeks before the start of the testing week, won’t they do this regardless of the calendar? Finals are now the third week of December. Four weeks before that is Thanksgiving! If students are stressed about finals and homework over winter break, that stress will now move to Thanksgiving, a shorter time off from school.

Finals are scheduled as three periods a day for three days. Each test is seventy-five minutes with a seventy-five-minute break between tests. Most students only come to school for one or two tests a day. The Friday is a day when students do not attend. I’ll bet that airline tickets to nice locations are cheaper if one leaves before the crowded winter break rush. They are probably even cheaper the earlier one leaves. What will we do with the students whose parents decide to pull them out of all or part of finals week to get out of town more quickly and less expensively? Will we have more students missing final exams with this calendar?

Is the rest of the world changing for finals? We will still have sports events, holidays, and everything that comes at the end of December. The school will move our events. We are moving one of the largest, our school charity drive to just before Thanksgiving! However, the outside world’s calendar will remain the same. For example, the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah will end exactly one week before finals.

So we may have lower grades, harder tests, stress over Thanksgiving, more absences (and thus even more stress) and the regular stressors that come with this time of year.

Can we talk about finals?

Cold Closings - Again

Do two years make a tradition? For the second year in a row, our school has been closed for cold during the first week following winter break. In a school, few things cause as much strong feelings as emergency closings.

When I was in high school, the principal said that he’d only close school if, when he looked from his second-floor office out the window, he could not see the flagpole. We rarely had a snow day. After all, this is Chicago, and winter isn’t a stranger here. The one time I can remember school closing, I had already struggled to arrive and then had to find a way home in a raging snow storm.

On Tuesday, my seniors were almost giddy with anticipation that we might get a belated addition to winter break. They wanted to speculate about what it would take to close school, and how long school might be closed. The formula used to be that we needed at least a foot of snow to fall in the middle of the night to close school. The key was getting buses to the students. If we couldn’t get the buses out of the garage or the drivers to the buses, then school would be canceled.

We have released school early in anticipation of a storm. This has always concerned me. As bad weather is developing, instead of keeping our students inside where it is safe, we send them out into the storm! I fully recognize that many staff members have a long commute and we must let them get home. Yet, there too, the logic seems problematic. Which is better: stuck in a warm and safe school or spending hours sliding and colliding on the streets and highways?

However, cold is now as likely as snow to close school. Concern for students at bus stops, walking, or merely going outdoors is the rationale for our two recent closures. What percentage of our students takes the buses? The line of parents dropping off and picking up students is always fantastically long. What happens in Minnesota or Canada? Do they close just for cold? Now that we have closed for wind chills that are around -20°, does that mean that any time the temperature dips that low, we automatically close? Is it going to be very cold tomorrow…

My wife and I work at our school, so we stay home with our children. It must be very challenging when the kids are home and their parents still have to go to work. While we were home, we did some work. My son received emails from several of his teachers, and I emailed my students with an updated schedule, too.

The truth is we did not spend the whole day doing homework. I got caught up on grading which is a rare occurrence. I planned lessons and worked on a variety of school projects. I also did other tasks – and wrote a blog post. From the work that my students turned in the last two days, I don’t think many of them spent much time on English class.

When school starts tomorrow, I have no doubt there will be teachers wringing hands and gnashing teeth about lost teaching time, upcoming final exams, and the difficulties of making up all that “material”. Yet, in a few weeks, it will be forgotten. Life will go on.

No one was outside making snowmen during these two days, but we enjoyed the extended indoor break. Closing school to ensure that our students and staff are safe is reasonable. So let’s make it a tradition: from now on, two weather closings the week after winter break should be the rule! If nothing else, it makes the transition back to school just a little easier.

Cold Days Slide Us Back To School

Every year, snow days are wonderful surprises. A day off for something else is unusual. Two days off is rare. Two days off attached to a break is unprecedented. But that’s what happened.

At the end of summer vacation, I am ready for school. I am eager to meet my new students, rise to new challenges, see my colleagues, and get back in the game. Spring break is always too short. The week flies by, and school vengefully returns. Winter break is just about the right length. Although a third week would be accepted gladly, two weeks are long enough to let go of school.

However, going back to school isn’t exactly welcome. I was bracing myself for the return last Saturday. The break had been especially meaningful. My elder child had rejoined the family after being way since August. It was a joyful reunion, and we had a week in splendid Hawaiian isolation.

We returned to cold Chicago, and my children got touch with their friends, and made plans. We unpacked and prepared for school.  The four of us got together with neighbors and family, too. Winter break was waning.

And then it got cold – real cold. On Sunday, I drove my daughter to her grandparents’ house in the morning. My van’s doors froze shut on the way. It was a sign of what was coming. Soon after, the superintendent announced there would be no school on Monday.

Monday morning felt like Sunday. We slept late, and had a leisurely breakfast together. Although my daughter wanted to go out with friends, she was easily dissuaded by the terrible conditions outside. So the four of us stayed home – together.

We watched TV, read, and played games. We did family work together. We filled out forms, planned for school, and enjoyed a very different kind of isolation. We opened all the cabinets, ran the faucets, and checked the water pipes in the basement regularly. It was an extra vacation day spent in the arctic.

We played a game after dinner, looked at photos of my daughter’s African journey, and went to bed warm and relaxed. We were shocked when we got notice of a second canceled day.

The second day was our transition back into reality. First, I realized that there was cold air coming through the vents. The furnace was no longer heating the house. Then, as my kids left to go to the movies, the garage door wouldn’t close. When it ceased to work entirely, we realized that the power was out. No problem, we have a generator. It didn’t work either.

Our super handyman came over and was able to make three of our four issues go away. Commonwealth Edison eventually got the power back on.

My wife and I sat down to a late lunch exhausted, but pleased that the kids had spent the drama time at the movie theater with friends. The second snow day felt more like a frantic Saturday.

Thus, we are ready to get back to school tomorrow. The two extra days were more than icing on winter break. They were a last chance to circle the wagons and spend time with important people. They were also a reminder of why school had been canceled in the first place, and that real problems and real responsibilities are never far away.

Currently it is 1° outside. My son is studying. My daughter is packing. My wife is at a meeting. I am writing. Winter break is over. Tomorrow: school!

Coping with College

Here is the truth: I didn’t want my daughter to go back to college. This is, of course, just a selfish parental impulse. I am not going to prevent her from returning for the second semester. It has been great having her home for four wonderful weeks. I am struggling with the idea that it will be months until I see her again. And since my child is on the three-year program, it will be a year until we have more than a weekend together. So, as she packed for her return to school, I was wishing for another week – or four!

When my daughter is away at college, I miss her. I really miss her. It takes a great deal of self-control not to call every day, text each thought, or email article after article. It has taken every ounce of my willpower to let her control the communication. And I am told it is stalker-ish to sit on the college webcam hoping she’ll lead a tour across the quad.

It is not an exaggeration to say I count down the days until she comes home. Thanksgiving was a tease. My daughter did a great job of balancing her time between family and friends, and it still wasn’t enough. So when she went back to school, I consoled myself that it was only a few weeks until I would get a more substantial visit.

When we dropped her back at the airport, I held back my tears. I understood why my grandmother often became teary eyed when she hugged me. It wasn't enough time! I loved having her at home and I didn't fully appreciate what it would be like to have a home without her - and then to have her home for a tiny time.

So I counted down to winter break. I tried not to be intrusive during her final exam week. Instead, I checked on her flights and sat in her room. Finally, the week before my school’s winter break began, she returned.

And our home felt right again. Once again, there were four of us for dinner. Once again, we had to schedule who was taking the car. Her clothes and shoes took over the mudroom and her music could be heard across the house.

On vacation, we got ten whole days to be a family without distraction. We have done this almost every winter break since the kids were born. We took walks, ate meals, and played games without any competition from the outside world.

Now, I have been back in school a week. My daughter just returned to school…and I was still not ready. It doesn’t matter. This schedule is not dependent on my readiness. Maybe in a few weeks I would be ready. Maybe not. She went back anyhow. She was eager to go.

This is our new relationship. Absence has not made my heart grow any fonder. I don’t know that it could. Absence has just made me nostalgic for the days when both of my children lived under my roof. I know I will get used to this new situation. She has only been in college for one semester. Other parents tell me, although they were also sad when the kids left, they came to enjoy this new stage. I am not there yet. I am still mourning our old life. 

Winter Break, How I Love Thee

Let me count the ways:

Your timing is impeccable. December may not be the middle of the school year but it feels like it. The weather has cooled, snow has fallen, and the freshness of the fall is gone. Summer vacation feels very far away. By the end of December, I am tired and I need down time.

You are long enough to actually give me a true break. Most breaks from school are a day or maybe two. Even Thanksgiving break is not long enough to really create distance from school. Most days off are really a chance to catch up. I spend most school holidays grading papers, planning and whittling my list down to a reasonable size. Of course I do work during winter break too, but the work does not dominate the time. I can do other things and not feel like I should be doing schoolwork. There is plenty of time for the many things I want to do.

You provide me with a change of scene. For many years, I didn’t care to go away during spring break. It is too short. Winter break is my family’s time to get out of town. I value this change of scene. When I am at home, home calls to me. There are chores to do, bills to pay, errands to run. When I am away, I can’t attend to all those mundane details. I love having a week or so to just “be” and not “do.”

You rejuvenate me. After winter break, I feel renewed and can return to work with new energy. Unlike summer, I am not eager to return. The break isn’t long enough for that. However, I feel like I have actually been away and, since I haven’t spent a majority of my time on school, I can see some through the stress and frenetic fogs of December. I have more patience upon my return and that is a good thing as we roll into final exams.

You provide me with quality family time. I spend a vast majority of winter break with my wife, kids, and parents. We eat together and the meals are slow and luxurious. We play games and watch movies. On vacation, we spend most of our time as a group. It is a great time to talk about important (and trivial) issues. Whether it is my son’s impending bar mitzvah, my daughter’s college plans, my parents’ health issues, or household planning, winter break is the time for substantive family dialogue.

You let me read things that are not for school. My winter break reading, unlike much of my summer reading, consists almost entirely of material I will never teach. I read fluffy science fiction, parenting non-fiction, and computer and health periodicals.

Winter break, you are my favorite time away from school. Shorter than summer, but far more sweet, longer than spring break and better timed, you are the best of the school holidays.

I must admit, winter break, that when you leave me, I feel stranded and cold. Getting back to school after winter break is a dive into a cold pool and it takes at least a week to adjust. Summer break fades away while winter break shuts off. While it is a difficult transition it does not negate the positives. Winter break, how I love thee!