Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Reading for Treasure: McSweeny’s Edition


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Reading for Treasure is my list of articles that are worth your attention. Click here for an introduction!

Recently, friends have been posting some magnificent pieces of humor from McSweeny’s. Here are five that are quick and wonderful reads that, if they don’t bring a smile to your face, something is seriously wrong with you.

The Giving Tree Gets Real: I have never been a fan of the Silverstein’s The Giving Tree. It always seemed like an ode to enabling to me. In this parody, the tree gets her say!

This Is Your Last Fucking Chance To Show Interest In Attending Our University: I wish that colleges did send kids emails like this. Nonetheless, I think they get this message anyway.

Lines From The Princess Bride That Double As Comments On Freshman Composition Papers: I have taught The Princess Bride to freshman English students. This is a quick and witty read. Comments?

How To Log In To The Student Portal: Anyone whose child goes to a school with some kind of online grade book or account system must read this wonderful set of instructions!

More Honest Latin Mottoes For Your Overrated University: While I like the Latin motto for my alma mater, I found these to be wonderful statement about what really happens in college.

I am currently reading Scythe by Neal Shusterman

Saturday, September 14, 2019

Missing Teaching Does Not Mean I Want to Go Back In The Classroom


As I freshly minted graduate, I mean retiree, I miss my old routine. I miss the joys of school. Most of all, I miss the people: my colleagues and students with whom I have learned for most of my life.

While I look back fondly on my life as a teacher, I do not want to go back to the classroom. I could add a “yet” there, but the truth is that I don’t know if I will ever go back. I’m not sure. I certainly do not miss the papers or the politics!

I have relished my summer, which for the first time ever was a real vacation.  I felt free in a way I never have in the past. As the school year starts, I am enjoying finding a new rhythm and finding new ways to learn, share, and contribute. My post-teaching life is still very novel.

People asked me what I was going to do in retirement. Some challenged me saying that they struggled to “fill” their retirements or find purpose. Rather than jumping into a new job or selling the house and moving away, I am giving myself at least one year to explore and find out who I am when I am not teaching. I am calling it my gap year.

The “rules” I have given myself are that I am not going to make any major commitments for about a year. I am not taking another teaching job. I am not taking a long-term substitute position. I am not going to fill my time with busyness just to be busy. I am keeping my hand down - for now.

However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t sign up for classes (I already have) and start projects. That doesn’t mean I am sitting at home; I just don’t want to be as busy as I have been when I was working full time.

Nor do I think I will be bored. I am very good at filling my time; maybe I am too good at it and this is an opportunity to slow down, reflect, and rediscover.

I have a long list of things I want to explore. My “to be read” pile of books is ginormous and my “to be watched” list of movies and TV shows spans decades. I am so fortunate that my wife retired with me. We will explore this together. We want to travel and share our newfound freedom.

Almost everyone has suggestions for me. I should become a travel agent, writer, charity volunteer, college essay consultant, or life cycle officiate. I have lost track of the number of times people have said to me, “You know what you should do…” I am not rejecting all those ideas. I will explore some of them. Right now, however, I don’t want to become something else. I want to really to explore this in-between state and enjoy my new retired status.

I live next door to the school at which I taught for thirty-three years. I hear the bells ring! I see the busses and kids and my colleagues going about life as usual. I do miss it. More so, I miss them. Yet I can miss being a teacher while not wanting to return to the classroom. I helped with the concession stand at a recent football game and I plan to attend other events. I am looking forward to the fall play!

But time runs in only one direction and I cannot go back. So I will continue to blog and photograph and explore  - and share some thoughts here. Don’t mistake my nostalgia for a wish to return. I am on a new path and, thus far, I am relishing it. Keep reading: I’ll keep you up to date!

Monday, September 2, 2019

Fifteen to Forty: Advice from My 1995 Freshmen

As I got ready to retire from teaching, I cleaned out my office. In the far recesses of my filing cabinet were a set of letters that some of my earliest Freshman English students wrote. These were designed as advice to the incoming students and a way to reflect on their growth. I don’t remember if these letters ever reached their intended vict- recipients. When I found them, I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away (or edit them, so they are as the students wrote them then).

As students and teachers begin another school year, here are some sage words from my students, who were fifteen when they wrote them and are about to turn forty this year:

High school is not as hard has it is said to be. It is a blast.  – E.P.

Don’t let the teachers scare you, their really not that bad. – T J.

This class is not an easy class. But don’t worry, we survived and so will you. – M. J.

Don’t go in and think no one is going to like you or this high school thing is way too hard. Be calm and go with the flow. Have a great year and don’t be real nervous or exited. The excitement dies down quickly. This is school, you know!  - D.B.

Remember to be yourself, and don’t try to fit in with a crowd if you really don’t like them.  – M. H.

Instead of reading at a good pace, I crammed it all in at the last minute. This was a very stupid thing to do. –J. H.

Freshman year may or may not be one of the best years of your life. There are many rumors about things that go on in Deerfield High School and most of them are not true.   –K. F.

Regardless of the stories you might have heard, English is not bad at all.  – J.W.

You can have alot of fun this year. Mr. Hirsch doesn’t mind if you deviate a little from the exact assignment, as long as you still shows him what he wants to see. See how far you can push him, trust me it’s a long way.  –R.M.

Bring a frosh (freshman) is really cool. No upperclassmen don’t pick on frosh…unless you provoke them of course. Actually, they think you’re really cute. Most of them want to get to know you. – B.F.

The pressures at Deerfield High School are inflicted on yourself, by yourself. I’ve loved freshmen year and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Well except for maybe a couple more vacations. Let me tell you about Freshman English. At first you’ll walk into class and wonder who the weird looking fellow is. That’s Mr. Hirsch. He’s a much better teacher than you might think he is now.  – R. G.

Our research project wasn’t a joke. I flunked practically. The reason I didn’t start it or take it seriously when Mr. Hirsch told us to. Whoops!- D. P.

One of the best decisions that you can make is to grasp onto the hand that reaches out to you, and never let it go.  – M.F.

BSing will only take you so far, hard work is the key. Freshman English with Mr. Hirsch is fairly easy, you just have to give it your best shot and tolerate the teacher’s humor.
– J. R.

Buckle your seatbelts and hold on because you are going on a very turbulent ride – but like most rides you will look back on it and say you enjoyed it.  –J. D.

Remember though, if you screw up your freshman year, don’t worry too much. You still have three more years to do better. – S.M.

If you think taking notes is absolutely something you will not do (maybe it is against your religion), at least be attentive in class when Mr. Hirsch is talking; he often gives pop quizzes, but also very obvious clues about his intentions in class (clues such as “…be sure that you understand blah blah blah VERY well). - C.C.

There is nothing for you to worry about next year. Unless you goof around and don’t pay attention in class.  – K.K.

This year, my first year at Deerfield High School was a weird one. Mostly because I had Mr. Hirsch as an English teacher. Although he is strange, he pushed me to my full potential. He tried to get me to try harder. I wouldn’t let him. – R.M.

And don’t get shaken up about finals because it is way over hyped – R. H.

Trust me, you don’t want your papers to be in total chaos, this would just kill you when tests and finals come up.  – J. H.

I’ll first give you some background on your teacher. He loves Star Trek, he has a daughter, he is married to Mrs. Hirsch who also works at DHS, he says catfish which really means capiche or understand, his jokes are funny at the beginning of the year but tend to get old, he grades really weird, and when he says hint, hint, nudge, nudge, wink wink, that means pay attention because it’s something important he’s talking about. – J. B.

Mr. Hirsch’s class is a difficult and challenging class that needs to be taken seriously. Although in class he makes corny and sometimes weird jokes, he really means business.  – N. H.


And some advice about reading A Tale of Two Cities:


Although the evil English teachers (and yes, they are power-hungry dictators) may seem like they want you to suffer, this book does have a lot of pleasure in it, that once you get past confusion, you will find. –J.W.

Tale of Two Cities gets good. I know it starts pretty badly. You just have to keep reading.  – W.N.

When I first started, I was not a fan of Dickens and I wished for a simple picture book.  – A. C.

If thou art not understanding the workings of Shakespeare, takest thine book and thine snack and go to the river.  Forgetest thou not thine blanket, for if that holy blanket is left then thou must layest they self upon the ground. The trickling of the river will guide thine self.  -  M.S.

A lot of the writing in A Tale of Two Cities may seem unimportant, and it often seems like Dickens is babbling. He is, but everything he babbles about is pertinent to the story. – A. O.

Dear my fellow traveler,
Yes. You are a traveler because you are probably traveling into a region that you have never been before thus, you do not know what to do once you get there. Remember you just go though the hardships of the travel in order to say that you ended up at the destination. – J.D.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.