Street Smart or Street Stupid?

When we say, “street smarts,” we are usually talking about practical knowledge. People who are street smart, as opposed to book smart, have practical knowledge and can handle themselves in rough and tumble situations.

I want to talk about street smarts in a more literal way. I am concerned that people are not smart in the street. In other words, that their behavior as the drive and bicycle makes me wonder if we need a new term: street stupid. My daughter is a brand new driver and is often shocked at how poorly many people drive. I told her, “Not all people are poor drivers, but most of them are.” I think too many of us are street stupid and it could be deadly.

Yesterday, I saw a dad riding bicycles with his two children. Both children were wearing helmets but Dad was not. I can see the situation: Dad hits one of the many potholes in our streets and is incapacitated. Now what do the kids do? Perhaps dad is either so hardheaded or stupid that a helmet won’t make a difference. If we want our children to take proper safety precautions, what message do we send them when we fail to take those precautions ourselves? Unless there is nothing in your head worth protecting, why not wear a helmet? We need to model street smarts for our kids!

As I continue to teach my daughter to drive, I instructed her to always assume a bicycle will ignore the traffic rules. It is such a wonderful and rare exception when a bike stops at a stop sign. It is my experience that many bikes don’t even stop at traffic lights. Forget about riding in a single file line, many bikes are all over the road. Too many times, I come around a curve or turn a corner to find a bicycle heading directly toward me. Usually that rider has no helmet. Duh!

Street stupidity by bikers is liable to get them hurt or killed. When car drivers are street stupid, they are more likely to kill innocent people. How hard is it to turn on the headlights of your car? The car creates electric power, so there is no cost. The bulbs last for a long time. In my state, the law requires motorists to use their headlights if they have their windshield wipers on. Wait a minute. Isn’t that common sense? Next time it is raining or there is fog, count the number of cars without headlights on. Stupidity is rampant.

However, the place where street stupidity is an epidemic is the use of cell phones while driving. There has been a great deal of coverage of this issue in the popular press - using a cell phone, even if it is with some kind of hands-free device, is a driving distraction akin to drunk driving. How many times have you passed a driver going too slowly, driving dangerously, or not paying attention only to see that driver talking on a phone? But of course, we are better than that. We can talk on our phones and drive safely. Can we? Really? Always?

Driving while texting boggles my mind. It is in another universe from any of the other forms of street stupidity. According to the New York Times, people sending text messages will look away from the road for as much as five seconds. Think about how far a car going only thirty miles an hour can travel in five seconds. Think about the damage it can do. According to a Pew Research Center report, 27 percent of all adults and 26 percent of teens report sending text messages while driving! That means that one or more of the drivers near you on the road is probably looking at the phone and not the road.

So here is the gambit: is the cell phone call or text message worth an accident? Is it worth someone’s life? That is a loaded question. I thought about starting this posting with a quiz on each of these issues. But everyone knows the right answers. No sane, reasonable person would say that a text message or phone call was worth the pain an accident, even a minor one, would cause. Then why are so many people street stupid?

We can only hope that they don’t hurt people close to us.

Be The Friend

Remember those childhood friendship insecurities: With whom do you sit at lunch, who says “hi” to you in the hall, who can you call and who can call you? There were people who couldn’t be friends at school but were fine being friends one on one. Navigating the friendship maze was often harrowing and disheartening. Sometimes, it seems like we have brought those friendship complexities to Facebook.

Of course, I am only friends with people I actually know on Facebook. The issue is not becoming Facebook friends with strangers. The issue is accepting or, more importantly, reaching out to people, often with whom I have a history.

What do you do when the person who hurt you in middle school sends you a friendship request on Facebook? What about people who never really talked to you? What about the acquaintances? Or those with whom you had a falling out?

As I look at the items on my newsfeed and see my friends’ new “friends,” I often ask myself, “Would it be okay for me to befriend that person?” Is requesting Facebook friendship more than saying “hi” in the hall? It certainly could be like sitting down at someone’s lunch table. If I didn’t have those privileges then, should I request them now?

Yes. Yes, I should. More than that, when I ask myself, “Is it okay to send a friendship request to this person?” I have come to the conclusion that I should always err on the side of doing so.

How do you feel when you get the notice that someone “wants to be your friend?” While sometimes there is surprise and sometimes there is that sinking “found” feeling, I’ll bet that most of the time it feels pretty good. It is like being included in the game at recess. Why not share that feeling?

What is the cost of befriending these people? If they are people I knew and are part of my past, what harm could come to me if I add them to my friend list? If they are Facebook over-posters, I can hide them from my wall without any repercussions. If I am crossing some line, then they do not have to accept my friendship invitation.

We also have to put the past in its place. Are you the same person you were when you were going to school? Would you like people to judge you today for your behavior ten, twenty or thirty years ago? When I think back to my childhood (or even my twenties), I am both proud and embarrassed. As a high school teacher, I have daily reminders of how our school years help us to figure out who we want to become. I made mistakes, lacked skills, and stepped on toes. I have forgiven myself for my past inadequacies and errors; I think I can do the same for other people.

Friendships can be renewed through Facebook. While I agree that Facebook may serve as a poor substitute for real substantive contact, it can just as easily be a way to reconnect and foster adult friendships. Facebook friendships have been the catalyst for reunions, travel visits and nostalgic phone calls, all of which are very positive.

I am not endorsing becoming friends with every person you have ever known. However, when you see that name on your newsfeed or in a friend list and you ask yourself, “Would it be okay for me to befriend that person?” ask yourself how you would feel if that person befriended you? If it would make you feel good, even just a little, do it. Be the friend.