The Kind of Person You Are!

You are a good person. You are a person of integrity and strong beliefs. You are a person who is thoughtful and emotionally aware. Sometimes, you get angry. Sometimes, you are disappointed and feel like this country is heading down the wrong path. 

You are not racist, sexist, or any of those things. You work hard to be fair and keep an open mind. You admit that you sometimes judge people, but that is a normal human response. What counts is how you judge - not based on skin color or wealth or religion or any of those things, but on how people function as human beings. 

While you are subject to the whims and impulses that flesh is heir to, you consider yourself logical. You may not be Mr. Spock, but you are reasonable and rational. You consider a situation carefully and look closely at the details, facts, and history before rendering an opinion. 

You are not afraid to admit when you are wrong or to change your point of view when you learn new things. Like many of us, you dislike changing your opinion, but you see it as a sign of growth. 

You see disagreement as a way to discover more about other people and enhance your understanding of them and the world. Such conversations are opportunities to deepen both the relationships and your own perceptions. 

Fairness and consistency are critical. While there are rules that are wrong, for the most part, rules should be obeyed and those who do not obey them should face consequences. Although there are people who feel like they are so special that they should have the right to walk over everyone and do whatever they want, rules should apply to everyone the same way. You have worked hard to be an evenhanded person when dispensing this kind of justice and, although sometimes begrudgingly, accepted it when it was your turn to receive it. 

The only way any of us moves forward is to help one another. You believe in charity, giving, and being your brothers’ and sisters’ helper. People have reached out to you when you needed it and you do your best to pay that forward. 

You stand by your promises. You do what you say you are going to do. You have little respect for those who talk a lot and do very little. You believe that there are obligations that we must fulfill, whether it is to our family, community, nation, or the world at large. Sometimes, you have had to remind people that everything is not just about them! 

Your sense of yourself is not bound up in any one particular thing. You have strong philosophical beliefs, but you are more than that. Your family connections are very important, but that is not all there is to you. You are complex. 

You do not respect people who take advantage of the weak, old, or vulnerable. You will not be scared into decisions or let fear drive your choices. You do not like cheaters, spoiled sports, or bullies. Those who work hard should reap the fruits of their labor while the lazy, entitled, and selfish should not be allowed to profit from others’ efforts. 

You work hard to be honest with yourself. Sometimes, you excuse bad behavior of those you like or are critical of good acts of those you find objectionable, but even as you do this, you realize it is not consistent with how you see yourself. You would not want to be judged that way. 

You are practical. You rarely engage in flights of fancy, except perhaps as a mental exercise or an occasional lark. You believe that the simplest and most straightforward explanations are usually correct and when people have to twist themselves into pretzels to justify or explain something, you are suspicious. 

Sometimes you have trouble trusting people. You want to believe that people are naturally good, but that doesn’t fit with all you have experienced. You agree that most people want to be good, but don’t always make good choices for a variety of reasons. You can forgive some of them, sometimes. Forgiving is one thing, but it doesn’t mean that you allow yourself to be duped or conned. 

When you were younger, you would sometimes say and do things to get the approval of your friends or authorities, even when you did not agree with them. You recognize that this is also a normal and human thing to do, but as an adult, you do not conform with the majority when it is not authentic. You are willing to champion an unpopular view when you believe in it and you resist yielding to social pressure.

You would make a good judge. You weigh facts before making decisions. You are slow to anger. You try to see things from the other person’s point of view. The world is not just good and bad, near and far, rich and poor, but is far more complicated. 

When your heroes and leaders reveal their feet of clay, you are disappointed, but not surprised.  You feel uplifted when they make things better, and like a disheartened parent, are saddened when they behave badly. But they, like all of us, should face the consequences of our choices. You strongly believe that no one is above that. No one has the right to get away with misdeeds. No one, you insist, is above the law. That would be unfair and would cause or society to collapse. 

Of course, there are people who think the rules do not apply to them. You have encountered these people too frequently. You pity them as much as dislike them. While it isn’t usually your job to remind them that they are human, too, you have taken perhaps too much pleasure in knocking some of them down a peg or two. 

You vote. You pay your taxes. You obey the laws. You go to the courthouse when you are called for jury duty. You are a good citizen. You believe that we all should support our communities. 

You are charitable. You give to the poor, sick, and those who have had bad luck. You hope you will never be on the other side of that, but you hope that, if you were ever in need, people would help you. 

You could never support a candidate for office who you knew to be cheating, lying, or hurting people. That would not be consistent with who you are. You would never give your backing to someone who was selfish, spoiled, or hateful.  You would not turn your back to all you are and all you hold dear to follow a seductive smooth-talking charlatan! You are not a sucker or a hypocrite! You wouldn’t be able to face yourself in the mirror if you did. 

Pissing in the Pool: The Broken Social Contract

Recently, a doctor in Alabama stated he would not treat unvaccinated people. It was simply too painful to watch them die. Many of these people, says another doctor, ask for the vaccine as they are being put on the ventilator. 

It is appropriate to feel sorry for people who have made poor decisions like this. Certainly, there are people who, due to medical conditions or circumstances beyond their control, cannot get the vaccine. But what about the willfully and proudly unvaccinated? What about those who could and should be vaccinated, but won’t? 

What happens when people who have been hateful, hurtful, and horrible need help and those of us who have taken proper precautions pay the price of their poor choices? What is our obligation to the unvaccinated, unmasked, Clorox and Ivermectin taking folks? What happens when some people, who place their own desires, feelings, and “rights,” above the wellbeing of the entire community, fill hospitals to capacity so that there isn't even room for children with cancer?  Should we rush to Texas’s and Florida’s aid even if they are outlawing the very actions that would make their situation better?  

The idea of a social contract is  “(a)n implicit agreement among the members of a society to cooperate for social benefits, for example by sacrificing some individual freedom for state protection.” While you may never need the fire department, you pay taxes to have one because it helps the community as a whole – and if someday you should need it, it will be there for you. We all get this idea – or do we? 

“But I don’t trust the government,” someone replies. “It is my right not to wear a mask,” cries another. “You can’t make me get the vaccine,” says the third. Yet, people who have these views are treated in our hospitals like any other. Their children are going to school and potentially spreading COVID. They are making it impossible for children or teachers who are immunocompromised to return to school at all. 

At this point, arguing with them doesn’t seem like it is working. While loving responses and listening and acknowledging their fears may be a way to reach them, that does not address the current preventable crisis. And can that be scaled up to address all of them? They have made their choice clear: their individual choice (which they see as rights) are more important than the social good. Me first, us last. 

Last year, the folks making these claims said that COVID deaths were an acceptable cost for reopening businesses and that we should “sacrifice the weak.” More recently, a woman at a Trump rally compared this situation to “separating the sheep from the goats” which is a reference to a parable from the Gospel of Matthew. Ironically, the sheep are saved and the goats are lost. The unvaccinated woman identified herself correctly as a goat. 

Yet, we are paying for and cleaning up their messes – and it is quite expensive! We are spending billions of dollars to treat unvaccinated people and their choices may mean higher insurance premiums for all of us. Should we endorse their logic and put these goats out to pasture?  

We are an interdependent society; our choices significantly affect far more people than ourselves. We are not living in isolation. Regardless of whether you accept the social contract, we are still all swimming in the same pool.  

Why withhold help from those who need it? Why persist in holding a grudge against unfortunate and misinformed people? What good comes out of hurting those already in pain? Is the suffering of COVID a reasonable consequence for being arrogant and super selfish? 

I don’t think hospitals will stop treating willfully unvaccinated people. It is unlikely that large numbers of doctors will refuse to treat them. But there is an exodus of healthcare professionals leaving the field, and that will affect everyone. 

Here’s the issue: Should the willfully unvaccinated get care despite their disregard for the chaos they create or do we back off and let them suffer the consequences of their choices, even though that, too, could be deadly. 

If you run a red light, you get a ticket. If you leave your child in a hot car, that’s child abuse. If you drive under the influence…There are consequences when people flagrantly break the social contract. Defying mask mandates is against the law and prohibiting them is certainly a breach of contract. What about vaccination? 

It’s a lose-lose scenario if there ever was one. Thanks, assholes. 

Our Communities Need Us: Fulfilling Our Duty To Each Other

Dear Neighbors and Friends (near and far), 

To call this a difficult time feels like gross understatement. We are confused. We are angry. We are scared. Given the crises we are experiencing, these are normal and natural responses. What do we do with them? How do we cope? How do we help each other, and what do we do to bring our communities back to equilibrium? 

People are in pain. They are suffering physically, emotionally, and economically. Many have lost people dear to them. We cannot and should not wave away their grief. We must do what good friends, family, and neighbors have always done:  bring comfort, assistance, and the balm of companionship – even at a distance. 

No one is immune to the complex crises facing our communities. The multiple pieces of this storm have affected everyone, regardless of age, race, wealth, location, or other factors. None of us have superpowers, though we may wish we did. 

So what do we do? How can we work together to help each other and ourselves? That is the goal, right? That is the point of community. If we needed no one else, we could live by ourselves on an island. We are part of a greater interdependent whole: our communities. They give to us and we contribute to them. It is a mutually beneficial relationship  - at least most of the time. 

Sometimes, however, we are at odds with members of our communities. We disagree. We see the balance between giving and taking differently. We advocate for diverse priorities. If these differences are large enough, they may be transformative: they alter the fabric of our shared relationship. 

When in conflict, it can be tempting to simplify the disagreement: It is us or them, our way or their way, one or two, up or down. When we are highly invested in our communities and our positions, it can be very difficult to listen, arrive at compromise, and separate our feelings of ego and ownership from our thoughts about what is best for our community. Our strong feelings cloud our better judgment. Our communities are very important, as they should be, but we fear losing face, being wrong, seeming weak, or letting people down. Sometimes, we are angry and hurt. 

We must remind ourselves of what is most important about our communities and why they exist. When we demonize others because they take different positions, we need to remember our common objectives. 

What are they? Let’s take some of them out and use them to put our disagreements in perspective: 

Some of the reasons we sustain our communities are to: 

• Ensure the safety and well being of all, but especially those who cannot ensure their own. 
• Create resources that are valuable to most if not all of us, but so complex that we could not create them by ourselves (i.e. fire protection, hospitals, electrical grids, etc.). 
• Deal with traumatic or catastrophic threats that would overwhelm us individually. 
• Collaborate creatively to make our world a more pleasing and joyful place.   
• Collaborate economically and build shared resources that enhance the stability and comfort of our community. 
• Hold people to account and ensure that, if people’s behavior is detrimental to the community, there are ways to address and rectify it. 
• Protect and nurture our children and help them grow, learn, and mature. 
• Care for and honor our elders and ensure that they are protected and healthy. 
• Explore our community relationships and learn more about what communities mean to us. 

There are, of course, others as well. This list is not exhaustive. Feel free to leave comments with other reasons to maintain community. 

Being in a community means that we must let go of some of our individuality and individual control. We strike a balance between doing what is good for our families, communities, and what we would like to do just for ourselves. 

Small children are selfish. They cannot see this important difference. They won’t share toys, leave some of the cake for later, or give their parents quiet time to work at home. They are demanding and focused only on their own needs. Even if they have simple chores, they may chaff against doing them. They don’t recognize that they receive benefits from the family and also must learn to be an active contributor to it. 

We know people who are like this; they see only what the community gives them, should do for them, or should NOT do to them. The street only goes one way. Beyond these benefits, they want the community to allow them to eat all the dessert, stay up late, scream and yell whenever they want, and live by their own rules  - only. Toddlers can be tyrants, but so can taxpayers. 

In times of crisis, like now, it is easy to pull in our household borders and see only our immediate needs. We need toilet paper or cleanser, who cares if other people don’t have any. Who cares that our neighbors are being treated in ways that are demeaning, unjust, or dangerous if we are safe? 

More than ever, during a time when any of us can infect any of us unknowingly, we must prioritize the needs of the community.  We must listen and believe our neighbors of color and actively make our communities more equitable and just. We must unite as a community and a country to protect all of us. We must foster our connections to each other as much as we keep our households safe and healthy. 

Members of the military often talk about duty. We refer to serving on juries and voting as civic duties. If parents fail to properly take care of their children, it is criminal negligence. Our community needs us. It is our duty to care for it with the diligence that would devote to loved ones. We must balance our individual obligations with our obligations to our community and country. 

This cannot be accidental or incidental. This must be a conscious decision to do whatever we can do to make our communities safe, just, healthy, and peaceful:  

• Protect those who are struggling to keep themselves safe
• Strengthen our shared structures like hospitals and schools  (and the people who work at them)
• Comfort and assist those ailing, like the elderly and medically challenged. 
• Hold those whose behavior is racist, sexist, or prejudicial to account.
• Change structures in our community that benefit some at the expense of others.   
• Assist each other in realizing and living up to our communal duties.
• Protect and nurture all of our children.
• Help the community (both as a whole and as individuals) find joy and hope.

These are difficult goals during the best of times. They are never easy- and they have never been more important than right now. 

We must unite around fulfilling our duties to our community. We must find new balances between our own needs and what will benefit all of us. 

If we do not do this, our communities will become sick and die – and take us with them.