UPDATED: Strategies to Avoid Getting Scammed

The scammers are devious. They are increasingly harnessing both technological and psychological weapons to trick people out of their money – especially vulnerable people like the elderly. 

I have written about scams before, and while the articles and advice in those posts are still relevant, the scammers are escalating their tactics and we need to add some more precautions to our anti-scammer protection system. 

For those who don’t want to read much, here are my anti-scamming suggestions (this is an extenion on the list I wrote here): 

Trust your gut: If you even have a slight inkling that the phone call, email, website, text, or other form of communication is a scam: STOP! We frequently have a little voice in the back of our minds that raises the issue, but we don’t pay attention: PAY ATTENTION! 

Just because they have some information about you, even something as private as your social security number, bank account number, credit or debit card number, address, or date of birth, don’t trust them! Scammers can get this information. Bad actors can access private and personal data. Don’t rationalize that, “this can’t be a scam because they have my…”

If the message is urgent, it is likely a scam. If the message is highly sensitive, it is probably a scam. If the message is emotional, it is likely a scam. If the message is shocking, it is likely a scam. Your grandchild is most likely not in danger. No government agency is coming after you. No one has hacked into your bank account. “You can’t tell anyone,” is a huge red flag! When the person on the phone or the email screams that the house is on fire and you must trust them to put it out, hang up and do the thing next on this list. 

Contact the agency or person in question the way you normally do! If the email or caller says they are from your bank, hang up and call your bank. If they say that there has been a car accident and your relative needs help, call that relative (and if you can’t reach them, call someone close to them whom you trust). As the photo shows, links can look like they are correct and lead you to the wrong website. If you have a browser bookmark for your brokerage account, use that link– never click on links in texts or emails! 

Don’t give ANYONE your private information. Period. Don’t confirm your private information. Period. Of course, if you call your doctor, banker, broker, or other trusted source, you can do that. However, if someone contacts you and claims to be from their office – or even sounds like them – nope! 

Fakes are easy to create! Scammers can spoof phone numbers, so don’t trust the caller ID. Spammers can fake people’s voices, so just because it sounds like that person doesn’t mean it is that person. Spammers make website addresses, links, emails, and phone numbers look like the real thing. That is why you must always use the contact information that you have used in the past and know 100% is, in fact, the real thing – not the link, email address, phone number, or other method that they are feeding you. 

If there is even a tiny chance you are on the phone with a scammer: hang up! Then contact the organization using your regular contact method. Pro tip: if you are on a cell phone call and turn it to airplane mode, the person on the other end will see a “call failed” message. To really sell it, do this in the middle of a sentence or word. 

Don’t use passwords, passcodes, PIN numbers, or other private unlocking strategies in public - EVER. Don’t unlock your phone at the bar. Go inside the bank and cover your PIN number with your hand at the ATM – or better yet, use a teller. Never use passwords on public wifi networks. Learn to use passcodes like your face, fingerprint, watch, or USB keys. 

Don’t do strangers favors: Lots of scammers take advantage of your good nature. They ask to use your credit card at the gas pump because they only have cash. They ask you to loan them money. They ask all sorts of things. The answer is no! While sometimes, they really are people in need: more often, they are scammers. Give to charities and social service agencies and call them when people are in need - if people approach you directly, be suspicious. 

If you have other strategies, send them to me and I will add them here (and credit you, if you are okay with that – I can also credit you with just a first name or initials). 

Here are a few articles to give you the flavor of what scammers are doing: 

“Lake Co. Resident Nearly Loses $20K In PayPal Scam”

“AARP sounding alarm on fraud, offering helpful resources to victims”

“10 Security Settings That Protect Your iPhone From Thieves”

“How to Avoid Pump Switching Scams at the Gas Station” 

“How to Protect Your Parents From Elder Fraud and Scams”

“How to Protect Your Finances From Identity Theft”

“This 'IRS Letter' Is a Scam”

“These Financial ‘Experts’ Got Scammed, so You Can Too (Really)”

UPDATE: 

Some dear friends replied and added the following:

Beware when the person texting you says they can’t or won’t answer a phone call from you because they are “driving”… it’s really because you would instantly recognize that they are not who you think you are texting. If you think about it, people who are driving would really prefer talking over texting as that would be safer!

Many scammers are from foreign countries and English is not their native language. Therefore, be aware that even the SLIGHTEST English grammar or syntax error should alert you that the person is a foreign scammer who has a high level but not perfect proficiency in speaking English.  Even a SINGLE WORD misused that would not be said that way by a native English speaker should be a huge red flag to you.

If a person asks you to pay for an item via Zelle be aware that, unlike a credit card payment, money sent by Zelle cannot be retracted or credited even if you later can verify it was sent to a scammer. Never use a phone number or email link sent by the person to make a Zelle payment, as your money is probably not going to the person you think it is.

If you are purchasing an item and the main message to you focuses on receiving the payment rather than the details of the item itself that should clue you into the fact that all they want is to get your money from you.

If you are communicating with someone via Facebook messenger and then switch to texting but they won’t talk out loud by phone call that’s a clue that they are trying to hide their true identity.

If the party refuses to take a check as payment and insists on using electronic payment via Zelle, Venmo, or PayPal that’s a clue that it’s a scammer, as the scammer wouldn’t be able to cash your check, especially if located in a foreign country,

If the person selling an item says you need to pay them because other people are also trying to buy the same item, be aware that it’s probably a lie and trick to make you pay sooner rather than later.

Try to buy items from established online retailers like Amazon, Wal-Mart, etc, and not from Facebook marketplace or unknown retailers.

If someone asks you to text back a Google phone code and you do they might create a Google Voice phone number that links to your phone, thus compromising your phone! 

Beware of scammers who say that they are checking that you are not the scammer! How ironic! 

Thank you to my friends for these strategies! 

Exclusion

Teenage social dynamics are difficult for kids to navigate, let alone adults. Children’s social groups build walls so high and strong that kids in the same classroom don’t communicate with each other.

And then there’s the child who is on the outside of all of it. Sometimes these kids are still developing socially. Sometimes, it’s not their fault at all. No matter what, these are children who want friends, but are not making them. What happens when the outcasts reach out? Most of the time they will be rejected. 

Several times, my children have been in the middle between trying to give one of these kids a social opportunity while risking rejection by their own group of friends who want nothing to do with those kids. Sometimes, my children have been rejected. Sometimes, they have been the wall builders.  

So what do I tell my child to do? Be candid with the outcast child about his behavior: “When you jump on furniture and demand attention, it is annoying. I want to have plans with you, but you need to be more socially appropriate.” Most children don’t know how to say this and the outcast child probably can’t do it! Such a tactic is not realistic; most children couldn’t give or take that kind of feedback. 

Children would simply be cruel: “I would like to include you in our plans but I’ve been out-voted. The others don’t want to include you.” This is an evasion. In several cases, my child didn’t want to include the outcast either but felt obligated. Sometimes I insisted my child be inclusive. Sometimes I failed, too. 

We tried to forbid our children from being exclusionary. As Grace Palay put it, “you can’t say, you can’t play.” Yet, kids’ social groups have only limited fluidity and parents have limited control. As parents, we have made it very clear to our kids where we stand. Not all parents work that way. 

Some social groups were built by parents. Some social groups are maintained by them. I often wonder which one controls which? As a teacher, I see how the social worlds of parents and children are intertwined. In many cases, the kids are pawns in the parents’ social games. 

Some parents recommend their children conceal rejection with dishonesty: “Our plans have fallen apart and I have to go home and do homework anyhow.” Does this fool anyone? It is code. We all know what is being said. It is the same as the cruel statement and it is a lie. 

While white (or gray) lies may be easier in the short run, they are the most problematic solution. They avoid dealing with the real issues. They teach both the child lying and the child being lied to that this kind of dishonesty is a real solution; it is a cop out. It teaches kids that you can say and do nasty things if you cloak them in little lies.

Would you advise your child to be totally altruistic? “My friends aren’t comfortable with including you, so I will make plans with you by myself and not go with them.” How many kids reject their friends and run off with the outcasts?  Would your eight, ten, or fifteen-year-old do this? 

This solution is very costly. Very few kids want to be with these isolated children and the child who stands up for him or her often ends up isolated, too. Is losing friends worth reaching out to a child who needs one. Most teenagers will not make that trade. Could they make it once in a while? Is that enough? 

That leaves one option: “Sure, you can join us.” And that is the choice I struggled to get my children and students to make. 

Selling the Family Home

My parents just moved. They had lived there for almost fifty years; it was the house I moved into at ten years old and the place my wife and children know as the “family” home. This is a significant and challenging transition for my parents. 

People ask me if I will miss the house. I guess I will. However, I have mountains of photos and more video of events in that house than anyone could ever view. More than that, I have real memories of the people I love gathering at that house. Those memories aren’t staying in the house. I will still have them. 

It was time for my folks to have a home without stairs. It is a wonderful bonus to have a home where someone else takes care of the roof, basement, landscaping, snow removal, and all those homeowners’ tasks that age you. It is great that my parents are moving into a smaller home in a retirement community where they can, should they choose, take their meals in the community restaurant. They will finally be able to enjoy all the good parts of homeownership and turn over the burdens to someone else. 

But not me! This is another reason that I am not feeling sentimental about the loss of my childhood home. My parents’ move makes their lives much better – and it enhances mine as well. They are moving closer to me, but it is far more than that. They are moving into a community with plenty of support for them as they age. Many of the issues I have seen friends face with their parents: moving into a care facility, caregivers, living independently, loss of driving, and many others will be considerably softened by their choice of location. In a very real sense, their move is a gift to the entire family. It makes helping them age well easier, safer, and more reasonable. It preserves their independence and mine. 

I spent some time gathering photos of the “old” house. I waxed nostalgic about my grandparents and many others who are no longer with us and spent so much time there. I took lots of photos before and during the sale of the house and during the move itself. I have not been at that house in more than a week, but like lots of figures who are no longer part of our lives, that house will always be with us. 

Perhaps I am fooling myself. Perhaps, after the new owners move in, I will feel differently. I doubt it – because this was never about a house or a place. I didn’t go to “the house,” I went to be with my folks. Yes, the house was a great place to gather, but we have other places that will work just as well. The house was important because of the people who lived in it. I will enjoy the new house and my folks’ new community for those same reasons.  

I would be remiss if I didn’t also note how grateful I am for the lessons I am learning in this process. My parents moved in their mid-eighties. My wife and I have talked about making this move a decade earlier. My parents, in this and in many other ways, are modeling thoughtful and graceful aging. I am taking notes. It is my sincere wish that they will be our elder guides for many years to come.