Selling the Family Home

My parents just moved. They had lived there for almost fifty years; it was the house I moved into at ten years old and the place my wife and children know as the “family” home. This is a significant and challenging transition for my parents. 

People ask me if I will miss the house. I guess I will. However, I have mountains of photos and more video of events in that house than anyone could ever view. More than that, I have real memories of the people I love gathering at that house. Those memories aren’t staying in the house. I will still have them. 

It was time for my folks to have a home without stairs. It is a wonderful bonus to have a home where someone else takes care of the roof, basement, landscaping, snow removal, and all those homeowners’ tasks that age you. It is great that my parents are moving into a smaller home in a retirement community where they can, should they choose, take their meals in the community restaurant. They will finally be able to enjoy all the good parts of homeownership and turn over the burdens to someone else. 

But not me! This is another reason that I am not feeling sentimental about the loss of my childhood home. My parents’ move makes their lives much better – and it enhances mine as well. They are moving closer to me, but it is far more than that. They are moving into a community with plenty of support for them as they age. Many of the issues I have seen friends face with their parents: moving into a care facility, caregivers, living independently, loss of driving, and many others will be considerably softened by their choice of location. In a very real sense, their move is a gift to the entire family. It makes helping them age well easier, safer, and more reasonable. It preserves their independence and mine. 

I spent some time gathering photos of the “old” house. I waxed nostalgic about my grandparents and many others who are no longer with us and spent so much time there. I took lots of photos before and during the sale of the house and during the move itself. I have not been at that house in more than a week, but like lots of figures who are no longer part of our lives, that house will always be with us. 

Perhaps I am fooling myself. Perhaps, after the new owners move in, I will feel differently. I doubt it – because this was never about a house or a place. I didn’t go to “the house,” I went to be with my folks. Yes, the house was a great place to gather, but we have other places that will work just as well. The house was important because of the people who lived in it. I will enjoy the new house and my folks’ new community for those same reasons.  

I would be remiss if I didn’t also note how grateful I am for the lessons I am learning in this process. My parents moved in their mid-eighties. My wife and I have talked about making this move a decade earlier. My parents, in this and in many other ways, are modeling thoughtful and graceful aging. I am taking notes. It is my sincere wish that they will be our elder guides for many years to come.