May I Talk To The Younger You?

Dear Distant Friend, 

While our connection has not been that strong recently, know that I pay attention to your posts on social media and your comments elsewhere. I am thinking of you and wishing you well. 

I don’t know the present you that well. I knew an older version. It is that person in the past, that child, that young adult, to whom I’d like to talk today. May I? Would you put that earlier you on the line? 

My memories of you as a young person are clear. I found you likable and engaging. More than that, I recall that you had strong feelings. You fought against unfairness! You complained about teachers or other adults who didn’t treat kids well. Your cry of “that’s not fair” was far more than most people your age. Sometimes, you would stand up for someone and, I could tell, sometimes the price was too high. You wanted to come to their defense, but couldn’t. 

You really got upset if you thought people were not being truthful or entirely truthful to you – especially adults you trusted. I remember that you struggled when you wanted to defend a friend who got in trouble for lying, but you were also angry with them. You knew that truth and trust go hand and hand. You did not desire trust so much that you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of like other kids, who just went along with the crowd. If you didn’t feel safe, if you didn’t trust, if you didn’t believe you were being told the truth, you went your own way. I admired that about you and tried to be that way myself. 

Our friends are reflections of ourselves. I remember hearing about how you did some friendship reorganization. Did I get that term from you? Did you coin that? Was it in music class where you sang a song that said, “a man is judged by the company he keeps?” You struggled to find friends who treated you well; who would be the same with you when it was just the two of you as they would be after school or on the bus. 

And as you were going through that friendquake, I saw the kind, compassionate, and empathetic side of you. Is that part of you still there? I hope it is. I remember how you reached out to folks who needed a hand. How you did little things that were gentle and thoughtful for both your peers and others. I knew that you cared if I wasn’t feeling good or if someone was struggling or hurting. You didn’t make a show of it, and I am sure some people might have missed it, but it caught my attention when you showed it to me. Your empathy, on an occasion that I still find painful, was something I still treasure and is one of my strongest links to you. 

The reason I am writing to your younger self is that I need those aspects of you now. I need the strengths you developed long before many of the rest of us did. Frankly, all of us need you now. We need people who value truth and trust, want strong and steady friends, are kind, compassionate, and thoughtful. I want to live in a world, in a country, of people like you, who have strong values and really live them out. We need people who aren’t selfish but give to others; we need people who demand the truth and then act on it. We need people who want fair and honest dealings for everyone! 

I don’t know if that younger self can write me back. Is that an unfair request? I am just asking for a glimpse, a moment, or even a reawakening of the parts of you that drew me to you so long again when you were young and I was - younger. 

We are living in an unsteady world. We are experiencing a civilization-quake. The company we keep, the choices we make, the values we hold will determine whether we grow and thrive, or get sick and fall apart. 

I still trust that younger you. I hold that younger you close to my heart especially this coming week, this election. 

Thank that person for me. Thank you for being that person and thank you for reading this too long letter. I needed to write it to remind myself that people like you are out there. 

My resolve is back. I know what I must do. 

Thank you for guiding me there, 

Your Friend 

Reading For Treasure: Before The Election:

Reading for Treasure is my list of articles (and other readings) that are worth your attention. Click here for an introduction!

How can we tell what is “real” or “fake” news? For most of us, our social media feed is primarily populated with opinions similar to ours. Wired’s article, “How to Break Out of Your Social Media Echo Chamber” provides some good suggestions about how to change our use of Facebook, Twitter, and other online sources so we can get a more balanced and complete picture of our world – not just a confirmation of what someone thinks we want to hear.

A second Wired article explores the problem of fake news, specifically the use of deep fake videos. How can we recognize news sources designed to fool us? Maybe, “America Needs A Ministry of Truth.” The author explains that this is not going to be the same as the one in Orwell’s 1984, but more along the lines of the EPA, FDA, or other agencies that protect the public. As I read this, I thought about a media Underwriters Laboratory; an independent agency that puts their stamp of approval on information. Regardless, we are soon going to need help separating the fact from deep fake.

The great scientist Carl Sagan wrote about “The Fine Art of Baloney Detection” and provided some very specific advice in his book, The Demon-Haunted World. His route to critical thinking has been the subject of several articles, including “The Baloney Detection Kit: Carl Sagan’s Rules for Bullshit-Busting and Critical Thinking” from brainpickings. The article summarizes his rules and provides Sagan’s take on logical fallacies as well. If you are interested, here is the complete chapter of the book.

While a lawn sign may tell which of your neighbors supports which candidates, Lifehacker provides us with tools that let us “See Who Has Donated to a Political Campaign With These Tools.” If we want to avoid the echo chamber or make certain that a source is being sincere in support, it might be good to know if they put their money there, too.

Two articles answer the question I hear a great deal, “how could THEY believe this stuff?” Medium’s “Why Your Christian Friends and Family Members Are So Easily Fooled By Conspiracy Theories” and the Independent’s “I grew up in rural, small-town America – and I can tell you the real reason why people love Donald Trump.” While not entirely unbiased, they do give a glimpse into these specific points of view.

The Washington Post recommends, “Stop fretting about Trump and do something about it. Right now.” This article is good advice regardless of your political leanings. It is basically a guide to how to check your voter registration and make sure you can vote - and get others to vote!

I am currently reading The Regional Office is Under Attack by Manuel Gonzales.

Vote with Integrity

Recent events have made me think about integrity. Merriam-Webster provides three definitions:

 

1. firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values: incorruptibility.

2. an unimpaired condition: soundness.

3. the quality or state of being complete and undivided: completeness

 

Do I do this? Am I a person of integrity?

 

Can I articulate the code that guides my behavior? Is it an external code, like the Ten Commandments, the Constitution, or some other written set of rules? Have I created my own set of values by which I evaluate my choices?  One can’t be incorruptible if there is nothing to corrupt! What are my guiding values and where do they come from?

 

Is my condition sound? Is my behavior “free from flaw, defect, or decay?” Is it “solid,” “firm,”  “secure,” and “stable?” Do I work to make sure my decisions are “free from error, fallacy, or misapprehension?” Are they “based on thorough knowledge and experience” and “legally” and “logically valid?” Do I show sound and “good judgment or sense?”

 

Am I complete? Is my integrity complete? Do I have all the information and “necessary parts, elements, or steps?” I am being “thorough,” and “proficient?”

Who are people of integrity? How do I know?

 

Some people say one thing and then do another. We call them hypocrites. Others say one thing and then renounce their values when they are no longer convenient or easy. We call them opportunists. Others discard their values when they stand in the way of material or political goals. You probably know what they might be called.  

 

Yet, it can be appropriate to alter one’s values. Can that be done without compromising one’s integrity? We learn. We grow. We change with condition and time. The rules that guided us at four, fourteen, or forty are different. We should not be so rigid or simple to think that the same set of rules will always guide our choices.

 

Or should we? The Ten Commandments don’t change. Perhaps some of our values are unchanging and others need to adapt to current circumstances. How do we know the difference?

 

Does integrity have some basic foundational precepts? Are there some straightforward and direct values that we may bind to our hands, heads, and hearts?

Try these on for a start:  

• Tell the whole truth; be honest.

• Keep your promises and fulfill your obligations.

• Do no harm to others in tangible or intangible ways.

• Actively help those in need.

• Nurture children; support elders.

• Work with other people collaboratively and with their consent.

There are some tools that are necessary to “adhere” to a “code” and remain “sound.”

• I must be able to think critically and reason logically and dispassionately.

• I must be able to tell truth from falsehood –and fact from opinion.

• I must be aware of my desires and how they might affect my thinking and feeling.

• I must listen to others and be able to accept and understand their points of view. 

• I must be able to evaluate others’ points of view dispassionately and with as little bias as possible. I must be aware of that bias and its effects.

• My emotions and my reason must be in concert. While I may have a “gut” feeling, I must pair such feelings with consideration.

• I must acknowledge my own fallibility and own my mistakes when I inevitably make them – and then work to correct them!

Integrity is an active process and more than a state of being. It is a worthy goal. As we go to the ballot box, let us be voters and citizens of integrity.

When You Vote...

When you vote, don’t be a single-issue voter. The selection of a president of the United States is far too important and complex to be made by a single measure. Instead, please consider the following. 

When you vote: 

Think of this as a hiring decision. Which candidate would you want in your organization? Which one would you trust to run your business? How do you choose a person to join your department or company? If these were the final choices, which one would you offer the job? 

Imagine your child was marrying into this person’s family. Which one would you want as a possible new in-law? Which one would best treat your child well, as they enter the new family? 

Think about those who are unfortunate and in difficult circumstances. Think about those whose lives are on the edge and in jeopardy. Which of these people will do the most to help these people? Which of these people can you trust to protect the weakest and most vulnerable among us? 

Imagine you will be this person’s boss and you will be held to account for their actions. Which candidate is likely to make you proud? Which one is more likely to embarrass or disappoint you? If you were to be blamed for this person’s actions, which one would be more likely to cause you grief, pain, or problems? 

Think about your parents as they age and the needs of our increasing older population. Which of these candidates understands the struggles and challenges of aging in America. Which one understands what it means to care for older adults? 

Think about our children and their wellbeing. There is nothing more important than the investment we make in our kids – all of our kids. Which person will set the standard and be the example we want our children to follow? Which will protect and educate them?

Think about our environment. Last year was the second warmest year on record. We had floods, earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes, wildfires, droughts, and an increasing number of natural disasters. Which of these people will work toward healing our planet? 

Consider the candidate’s morals and ethics? Which of these people do you trust more? Who behaves in a way that is more honest, forthright, and just? Who demonstrates integrity? 

Consider the idea that this person must serve everyone, even those who didn’t vote for him. Can this person do this? Could this person be everyone’s president? Can this person bring us together? 

When you vote, you are all alone and no one will know for whom you voted. You could say, &*#$ it all, I am going to vote out of anger. Or you can think about what is most critical and important to you and to all of us, and vote your heart and your head. 

Your vote is a reflection of you. What are you voting for?