Coping with College

Here is the truth: I didn’t want my daughter to go back to college. This is, of course, just a selfish parental impulse. I am not going to prevent her from returning for the second semester. It has been great having her home for four wonderful weeks. I am struggling with the idea that it will be months until I see her again. And since my child is on the three-year program, it will be a year until we have more than a weekend together. So, as she packed for her return to school, I was wishing for another week – or four!

When my daughter is away at college, I miss her. I really miss her. It takes a great deal of self-control not to call every day, text each thought, or email article after article. It has taken every ounce of my willpower to let her control the communication. And I am told it is stalker-ish to sit on the college webcam hoping she’ll lead a tour across the quad.

It is not an exaggeration to say I count down the days until she comes home. Thanksgiving was a tease. My daughter did a great job of balancing her time between family and friends, and it still wasn’t enough. So when she went back to school, I consoled myself that it was only a few weeks until I would get a more substantial visit.

When we dropped her back at the airport, I held back my tears. I understood why my grandmother often became teary eyed when she hugged me. It wasn't enough time! I loved having her at home and I didn't fully appreciate what it would be like to have a home without her - and then to have her home for a tiny time.

So I counted down to winter break. I tried not to be intrusive during her final exam week. Instead, I checked on her flights and sat in her room. Finally, the week before my school’s winter break began, she returned.

And our home felt right again. Once again, there were four of us for dinner. Once again, we had to schedule who was taking the car. Her clothes and shoes took over the mudroom and her music could be heard across the house.

On vacation, we got ten whole days to be a family without distraction. We have done this almost every winter break since the kids were born. We took walks, ate meals, and played games without any competition from the outside world.

Now, I have been back in school a week. My daughter just returned to school…and I was still not ready. It doesn’t matter. This schedule is not dependent on my readiness. Maybe in a few weeks I would be ready. Maybe not. She went back anyhow. She was eager to go.

This is our new relationship. Absence has not made my heart grow any fonder. I don’t know that it could. Absence has just made me nostalgic for the days when both of my children lived under my roof. I know I will get used to this new situation. She has only been in college for one semester. Other parents tell me, although they were also sad when the kids left, they came to enjoy this new stage. I am not there yet. I am still mourning our old life.