Twenty First Century Fathering

As we approach Father’s Day, I think about how fathering has changed since I became a parent. I look at my friends who have children under the age of fifteen and see many following a different path than their parents. I see true parental partnering. I see dads staying at home and parents sharing the child-rearing opportunities. There is a different model of fathering for the twenty-first century.

For more than fifteen years, I called myself a full-time father and a part-time teacher. I was not going to be a “babysitter.” I was not going to be the father who left the primary parenting to his wife. I did not want my children, when difficult issues came up, to say, “I need to talk to mom.”

There are issues that mom handles better than dad. There are times when the kids know which parent is the go-to person. That is also part of the balance. I want my children to have role positive models of both fathering and mothering. My parents did a great job in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. I remember being the only one of my friends whose mother did not stay at home. I remember when that changed. As my wife and I approached parenting, we consciously decided to move further down that line. We shared taking time off of work for parental leave. We alternated who stayed home with sick children. We both got up in the middle of the night. The only tasks that were assigned by were breastfeeding!

Every year, I give a presentation for the parents of freshman students at my school. The meeting is at 9:30 am, which works well if you are a stay-at-home parent. However, many parents arrive wearing the same kind of name badge ID that I wear. They left work to attend the meeting. We usually get between twenty and forty parents. Well, it is almost always twenty to forty moms. However, in the past few years, more men have been attending as well. The percentages are not high enough that I want to note them here, but the trend is moving in a good direction. Maybe someday soon, there will be as many dads as moms at the school meetings.

I am optimistic that things are changing –and changing is the key word here. I vividly recall taking my daughter to the shopping mall when she was about one year old. When it came time to change her diaper, I went into the bathroom, but there was no changing station. I went to the information desk and asked where I could find a changing station? I was told that only the women’s restrooms were so equipped. So I changed my daughter’s diaper on the counter at the information desk.

Today, there are changing stations in many men’s public bathroom. Not only would there be no changing station in my bathroom, when I was with my daughter, I could not go to the bathroom at all! I was delighted to see a baby holding device on the back of a stall door in one bathroom as well!

So out there, somewhere, younger dads are moving parenting into the future. Businesses did not see the need for changing tables when my children were young, but now they do. I hope this works both ways: parents have asked for this, and dads now access them. 

Happy Father’s Day, dads! Happy going to the meetings, changing the diapers, and being an active, intentional, and critical partner in the parenting of your children. Happy twenty-first century parenting!

Productive Work Avoidance

I should be grading. I have a set of papers that should be completed before I work on final exam portfolios. There are quarter grades, exam grades, semester grades, parent phone calls, not to mention the cleaning of classrooms, offices, and bulletin boards. There is schoolwork to be done!

I am not doing it. It looms over me, but I have much more pressing things to do. I have organized the photos that I want to add to my wall in the living room. I have researched point and shoot cameras that all seem far too expensive for my needs. I have triple checked the hotel and flights for a vacation that is still several months away. The exercise room sound system has been checked and needs some new parts that I should research.

I’m not neglecting schoolwork. I did a review of my Freshman English lesson structure and created a model that I can use in the future, even though I am not teaching Freshman English next year. I have put all the school dates on my personal calendar. I have added my son’s college dates to the calendar and identified possible days to visit him. Soon, I’ll coordinate these with my school calendar. See how efficient I am!

During finals, responding to student work is both easier and more difficult than the rest of the year. It is easier because I know that these assignments will not be revised. Many students will not even review them, although they will be available online. Thus, I write fewer comments and do more “scoring” and less “grading.” However, these papers are not only measuring the students’ skills, they are also an indicator of the success of their teacher! As I read their work, I judge myself. Their final exams are a clear measure of how far we have traveled together – and I was the driver!

Grading final exam portfolios is slow. I anguish over each student! I am cheering for them and I am crestfallen when I see issues that we have not been able to adequately address. I am comforted knowing that our outstanding sophomore teachers will be able to pick up where I left off and fill in the gaps. Yet, I think about what those sophomore teachers will say when they encounter these deficits, “Who did you have for Freshman English?” Gulp!

So I reorganized the silverware drawer in the kitchen. I wrote thank you notes. I backed up the computer. I created a Google document for Friday night service announcements! I got my Father’s Day cards and made a visit to the local art fair.

Procrastination is putting off work that needs to be done. I freely admit that I am doing that. But I am not watching television, eating candy, surfing the web, or even reading the Hugo nominees (which I really do want to do). Oh, no! My procrastination is productive. My procrastination allows me to check off many items on my to-do list!

But I know I am avoiding the larger and more difficult grading tasks.

I liked writing this blog post, but I should be grading finals!