If you are reading this, you probably know that I am on Facebook too much. Facebook has been a great vehicle for reconnecting with my schoolmates from my first twenty-two years. Finding people from elementary, middle and high school as well as college, camp and other parts of my past has made me a Facebook enthusiast (some would say addict).
Like most people, I have made friends since college. Some of them are on Facebook. Unlike most people however, for the past twenty-three, I have been teaching high school. Just as much as I enjoy finding my former classmates, it has been delightful to reconnect with former students. Many of them are on Facebook. See my problem?
Of course, I am not going to be Facebook friends with my current students or other students attending the school at which I teach. That could put us all in uncomfortable and (here comes the teen buzz word) awkward positions. Does this issue vanish when these students graduate from high school or college? Several of my former students are now my friends – I mean real life, talk-on-the-phone, go-out-to-lunch and hang out friends. My eldest former students will turn forty this year. Surely I can be Facebook friends with them.
Here is the heart of my dilemma: if is okay for me to be real life and Facebook friends with former students (or at least the older ones), is it okay for me, the teacher, to initiate that friendship? Please note that I did not use the noun “friend” as a verb. I know it is a Facebook convention, I just refuse to do it.
I am Facebook friends with several of my former teachers and professors. When one of my former teachers befriended me, it felt very good. I never felt confident about our relationship and the Facebook friendship invitation felt like getting a good grade and a pat on the back. I would never have initiated a friendship with this teacher. If I befriend former students, would that be their response? Could there be some former students who would like to befriend me but aren’t sure if it is okay to do so?
Maybe not. Two of my former students have indicated that they didn’t want to be Facebook friends with me. One was very direct and said that it would be “inappropriate.” If there are things on former students’ Facebook pages that they do not want me to see, then I do not want to see them! I appreciate being protected in this way. The other student communicated with me via Facebook but never initiated a friend request nor did she approve mine. The first student is still in college but the second one is out of college by several years. Please note that I had very strong positive relationships with both of these people and, I think, I still do.
Do I wait for former students to invite me into a friendship? Do I take the chance and make that first move and just shrug off those who do not feel comfortable with their old teacher seeing those embarrassing pictures or reading their status statements? Do I only befriend the older students and wait for the college kids to clean up their pages when they are getting ready for job interviews? I don’t know. I just know that, when I see their names on Facebook, I wax nostalgic and I wonder, “What are they doing now? How are they?” And then I realize, “I miss them.” That is the primary reason I am enjoying Facebook so much.
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