One night, not long ago, my daughter was in tears over an upcoming test. However, when she first came home from school, she was cavalier about it. She said she knew the material and it was no big deal. She waltzed to the television and plopped herself down. After dinner, she started what she thought was a perfunctory study session. No such luck. She found that the test was going to be on more than the material covered in the last few days of class. In fact, it was material that the teacher never taught! Even with the help of friends, she could not figure it out.
She emailed the teacher, who sent her some instructions. Problem solved, right? Wrong. My daughter’s response was that, although she now had the tools to attack the issue, she wasn’t sure she could do it on her own, let alone manage it under the stressful conditions of a test.
As a teacher, I was upset. Why test kids on material you haven’t taught? What does that prove? Why ask kids to teach themselves complex and difficult material. When she took the test, the teacher decided not to include the skills that caused my daughter such difficulties! All this fuss for nothing!
As a teacher, I am not perfect. I have written unclear instructions. I try new things in every class I teach and some of these work out wonderfully. Some of these end up a good first draft but need revision. While I am fanatical about planning and timing, I have had times where even my best-laid plans have been caught in the mousetrap.
I hope that experiences like these make me both a better teacher and a better dad. In elementary school, my kids had a thirty-minute rule. If they struggled with something for thirty minutes and could not understand it, then they could stop and talk to the teacher the next day. Could I have a similar rule? Could there be some kind of emergency cord that kids could pull when they get to the end of their ropes? How could I create something like that for my students.
A little frustration fosters growth. Learning only occurs when we reach the end of “I know how” and step off! However, too much frustration stifles learning. The difference between the two depends on each child. Some children will stick with a challenging task and thrive. Others are not as hearty and cannot cope with that same amount of frustration. One size never fits them all. Dealing with this learning process is a skill. If we rob students of all of the frustration, we will also rob them of their learning and their independence.
If we are doing our jobs well as teachers and parents, we are helping our students to independently cope with school challenges. We are providing them resources and skills to problem solve and manage both their workloads and emotions. A discussion about “what do we do when we can’t figure out the homework” would be helpful in class and at home.
This may be more valuable than the skills taught in any one subject. The ability to manage stress and frustration, to persist and stick with a difficult task, and to use learning resources is the curriculum that really counts!
That teacher whose test brought my child to tears may have, inadvertently, done some good. But I can do better. I may still be the villain at someone’s dinner table, but I must teach my kids, both at home and at school, how to face the inevitable high school challenges.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Carpools Need Lifeguards
On Saturday, April 18, 2009, five children were killed when their car ran off the road and into a waterway in Texas. According to CNN, the driver was not only distracted by his cell phone but failed a field sobriety test.
Who is driving your children? When you participate in a carpool, do you know how the other parents drive? We rationalize car pools because they are convenient and often take kids very short distances. But many accidents happen close to home.
I often see dangerous driving. More often, I see driving that is not dangerous, but just sloppy, rude and thoughtless. I do not want to put my kids in any of car driven that way. I participate in only a few carpools, and only with people whose driving I trust.
We all know good trustworthy people who are poor drivers. Being a good friend, capable worker, or intelligent person does not automatically make someone a safe driver. We sometimes over generalize and assume that, because she is a kind person, she must be competent behind the wheel. Perhaps that is wishful thinking.
This raises two questions: what kind of driver do you want moving your children and how would you know if the members of your carpool are that type of driver? The first question is far easier to answer than the second.
Good drivers are those who put the safety of those in and around their cars before all other concerns. Good drivers obey the law, pick up and parking regulations, and are polite and defensive drivers.
Observe the driving of parents at your children’s school and activities. Who drives as if she or he is in a rush? Safe drivers are never in a hurry behind the wheel. Who puts a child under the age of twelve in the front seat? It is easier to put a child in the front passenger seat when the only spot left is in the middle of a bench seat. That is both illegal in our state and unsafe. A smaller person will be seriously injured, if not killed, should the airbag deploy. Who is on his or her cell phone while driving? It is now illegal to use a cell phone in a school zone in our state. Who ignores speed limits, restricted parking, and other rules and guidelines? In our state, you must have your lights on if you are using your windshield wipers. While that seems like common sense, see who fails to do this. I do not want my child in these people’s cars!
Who uses signals regularly? Who moves very slowly in parking lots? Who is patient? Who thinks ahead, for example, leaving space for the bus to get in and out before it actually arrives at school. Who do you see insisting on seat belts and car seats? Who makes certain that kids only enter a car on the curbside? Who maintains order in his or her car?
You may or may not be able to spot these characteristics in the school pick up line. It is very difficult to figure out if those in your carpool are safe drivers. It is even more difficult to have a conversation about it because all parents will say, “Of course I put safety first and obey the laws!” Talk is cheap.
Yet, it is a conversation that could save our children’s lives. It may be easier to do so as part of a parent meeting. Carpool guidelines or pledges could be circulated through school newsletters. That could open the door to including them with the actual carpool schedule. While it may be awkward and uncomfortable to discuss these issues with other parents, it will be far worse when there is a car crash (is it really an “accident”?) and fingers are pointing.
Our kids will eventually be drivers. They will take their cue from us. If we ignore the rules, take short cuts and place convenience before safety, they are going to do the same thing. So listen to that nagging doubt when your child gets into certain cars and choose your carpool drivers carefully.
Who is driving your children? When you participate in a carpool, do you know how the other parents drive? We rationalize car pools because they are convenient and often take kids very short distances. But many accidents happen close to home.
I often see dangerous driving. More often, I see driving that is not dangerous, but just sloppy, rude and thoughtless. I do not want to put my kids in any of car driven that way. I participate in only a few carpools, and only with people whose driving I trust.
We all know good trustworthy people who are poor drivers. Being a good friend, capable worker, or intelligent person does not automatically make someone a safe driver. We sometimes over generalize and assume that, because she is a kind person, she must be competent behind the wheel. Perhaps that is wishful thinking.
This raises two questions: what kind of driver do you want moving your children and how would you know if the members of your carpool are that type of driver? The first question is far easier to answer than the second.
Good drivers are those who put the safety of those in and around their cars before all other concerns. Good drivers obey the law, pick up and parking regulations, and are polite and defensive drivers.
Observe the driving of parents at your children’s school and activities. Who drives as if she or he is in a rush? Safe drivers are never in a hurry behind the wheel. Who puts a child under the age of twelve in the front seat? It is easier to put a child in the front passenger seat when the only spot left is in the middle of a bench seat. That is both illegal in our state and unsafe. A smaller person will be seriously injured, if not killed, should the airbag deploy. Who is on his or her cell phone while driving? It is now illegal to use a cell phone in a school zone in our state. Who ignores speed limits, restricted parking, and other rules and guidelines? In our state, you must have your lights on if you are using your windshield wipers. While that seems like common sense, see who fails to do this. I do not want my child in these people’s cars!
Who uses signals regularly? Who moves very slowly in parking lots? Who is patient? Who thinks ahead, for example, leaving space for the bus to get in and out before it actually arrives at school. Who do you see insisting on seat belts and car seats? Who makes certain that kids only enter a car on the curbside? Who maintains order in his or her car?
You may or may not be able to spot these characteristics in the school pick up line. It is very difficult to figure out if those in your carpool are safe drivers. It is even more difficult to have a conversation about it because all parents will say, “Of course I put safety first and obey the laws!” Talk is cheap.
Yet, it is a conversation that could save our children’s lives. It may be easier to do so as part of a parent meeting. Carpool guidelines or pledges could be circulated through school newsletters. That could open the door to including them with the actual carpool schedule. While it may be awkward and uncomfortable to discuss these issues with other parents, it will be far worse when there is a car crash (is it really an “accident”?) and fingers are pointing.
Our kids will eventually be drivers. They will take their cue from us. If we ignore the rules, take short cuts and place convenience before safety, they are going to do the same thing. So listen to that nagging doubt when your child gets into certain cars and choose your carpool drivers carefully.
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