Gifted Teachers

Why give your child’s teacher a gift? What message does a teacher gift (or lack of it) send? As a parent and a teacher, I have asked these questions from both sides of the desk. My family gives gifts as a way to say, thank you. As our children have grown older, these gifts have become an acknowledgement of the relationship between our child and a special teacher.

As a parent, I am so grateful to the many wonderful educators who work with my children. Over and over, I am delighted by how these fantastic teachers foster my kids’ growth. But it is more than just teachers. As a family, we create ways to thank camp counselors, bus drivers, coaches, music tutors, and others. Yet, no one deserves thanks more than our children’s schoolteachers.

Of course there have been some duds. There have been a few teachers who did not connect well with my children. Although, we sometimes sent gifts to them, as our kids got into middle and high school, we now focus on the teachers with whom our children have strong positive relationships.

The gift comes from our child and the family. Our child writes a card and we work together to choose the gift. We discuss which teachers they want to give gifts. Sometimes, the adults and the children see things differently and our kids need help to see their own growth. More often, we see it the same way.

I could write a book about selecting teacher gifts and gifts that I have found meaningful as a teacher. However, the gift itself is not as important as the giving, the thanking, and the thought.

Which leads me to decoding the gifts I receive (or don’t). This year, I received more gifts than in the past. I’ve had years when I received very few gifts. This year, one gift was from the family of a student with whom I have been spending a significant amount of extra time. The card was signed from the family and only wished me a happy holiday. I have lost count of how many cards are signed from the child an adult’s handwriting. This year, one was signed “love.” How sweet! I wish the kid wrote it.

I am comforted by the fact that, in my building and department, most teachers get about the same number of gifts. There are a few people who always seem to get more – but that is a subject for another entry. My wife is a counselor and she gets many more gifts than I do. She sees more students and has them for a longer period of time.

I think that my family’s decision to be highly deliberate about teacher gifts is unusual. Kids rarely thank teachers for writing their college letters of recommendation. In high school, families rarely acknowledge the extra time and care that teachers give their children. Saying, “thank you” is unusual. Saying nothing is the norm.

My holiday gifts could be demoralizing, but I choose to think about them another way. If nothing is the norm, then when nothing arrives, that is what it means: nothing.

I treasure each gift. Each one is special and each one gets a handwritten thank you note as soon as I get home. The size, expense, or cleverness of the gift is far less important than the sentiment. I have kept cards that accompanied gifts from long ago. Most of the time, I no longer remember the gift; I remember the student and the relationship. Those are the real gifts and I am rich in those!

My Rules of the Road

My niece is just learning to drive. My daughter has been driving for almost than two years. It is critically important to teach them to drive well since what they see on the road is often dangerous, rude, and thoughtless. I start with my three driving commandments:

• If in doubt, don’t. If you are wondering if you have enough time to turn left, don’t. If you think it might not be legal to make a U-turn, don’t. If you aren’t sure about any move behind the wheel, don’t do it!

• You are never in a hurry behind the wheel. Even if you are about to miss the train, curtain, or opportunity, you have all the time in the world once you get in the car. If you are pulled over or get in a crash, you will be far later (double meaning intended) than if you took your safe and slow time.

• Nothing fast. Don’t drive fast. Don’t make fast decisions behind the wheel. Don’t try to out maneuver other vehicles. Fast quickly creates problems.

Beside my commandments, I have my car-dinal sins. If my young drivers see these as selfish and hazardous, perhaps they will be less likely to drive badly and more likely to arrive home in one piece.

• Failure to use signals: Turn signals serve two functions: safety and courtesy and both important. Nonetheless, never trust turn signals: wait for the vehicle to make the actual turn first.

• Throwing your butt out: Although I don’t use them, most cars have ashtrays. There is no reason to throw cigarette butts out the car window. People are free to pollute their bodies, but they shouldn’t pollute the world our children drive through.

• Squeaking through the intersection after the arrow or light has changed: How many times does an extra vehicle (or two) zip through a busy intersection after the light is red or the arrow is gone? Are a few saved seconds worth a crash?

• Not taking your turn at a stop sign: It goes without saying that one should actually stop at a stop sign. However, many drivers think that is all they have to do regardless of other vehicles. Many cars stop briefly and then move through the stop sign even when others are waiting. The car that arrived first goes first. If two cars arrive at the same time, the car going straight has the right of way.

• No lights when the weather requires wipers: In Illinois, the law states that, if you are using your wipers, you must turn on your headlights. Duh! In the rain, fog, and snow, lights permit drivers and pedestrians to see oncoming traffic. I have my headlights on 100% of the time. It doesn’t save power or money to keep them off. Would that be any consolation if you hit someone?

• Put down the phone! My biggest driving sin is use of phones. Whether drivers are dialing, sending text messages, or talking, it is the most dangerous distraction. Every driver can tell stories of seeing people driving inappropriately because they were yakking away on phones. Most of us have had frightening moments due to drivers on phones. Towns and states should ban hand held phones while driving. I wish they’d stop more drivers and use traffic cameras to catch these fools. I hope that people change their habits before someone I love is one of their many victims.

Most traffic crashes aren’t accidents. Most are due to selfish and thoughtless driving. Our kids are watching. They are hearing what we say but more importantly, seeing how we live up to our professions. There are too many poor examples for them to follow. Let’s provide them with good models.