Gifted Teachers

Why give your child’s teacher a gift? What message does a teacher gift (or lack of it) send? As a parent and a teacher, I have asked these questions from both sides of the desk. My family gives gifts as a way to say, thank you. As our children have grown older, these gifts have become an acknowledgement of the relationship between our child and a special teacher.

As a parent, I am so grateful to the many wonderful educators who work with my children. Over and over, I am delighted by how these fantastic teachers foster my kids’ growth. But it is more than just teachers. As a family, we create ways to thank camp counselors, bus drivers, coaches, music tutors, and others. Yet, no one deserves thanks more than our children’s schoolteachers.

Of course there have been some duds. There have been a few teachers who did not connect well with my children. Although, we sometimes sent gifts to them, as our kids got into middle and high school, we now focus on the teachers with whom our children have strong positive relationships.

The gift comes from our child and the family. Our child writes a card and we work together to choose the gift. We discuss which teachers they want to give gifts. Sometimes, the adults and the children see things differently and our kids need help to see their own growth. More often, we see it the same way.

I could write a book about selecting teacher gifts and gifts that I have found meaningful as a teacher. However, the gift itself is not as important as the giving, the thanking, and the thought.

Which leads me to decoding the gifts I receive (or don’t). This year, I received more gifts than in the past. I’ve had years when I received very few gifts. This year, one gift was from the family of a student with whom I have been spending a significant amount of extra time. The card was signed from the family and only wished me a happy holiday. I have lost count of how many cards are signed from the child an adult’s handwriting. This year, one was signed “love.” How sweet! I wish the kid wrote it.

I am comforted by the fact that, in my building and department, most teachers get about the same number of gifts. There are a few people who always seem to get more – but that is a subject for another entry. My wife is a counselor and she gets many more gifts than I do. She sees more students and has them for a longer period of time.

I think that my family’s decision to be highly deliberate about teacher gifts is unusual. Kids rarely thank teachers for writing their college letters of recommendation. In high school, families rarely acknowledge the extra time and care that teachers give their children. Saying, “thank you” is unusual. Saying nothing is the norm.

My holiday gifts could be demoralizing, but I choose to think about them another way. If nothing is the norm, then when nothing arrives, that is what it means: nothing.

I treasure each gift. Each one is special and each one gets a handwritten thank you note as soon as I get home. The size, expense, or cleverness of the gift is far less important than the sentiment. I have kept cards that accompanied gifts from long ago. Most of the time, I no longer remember the gift; I remember the student and the relationship. Those are the real gifts and I am rich in those!