A Sweet Parenting Buffet

Parenting is our most important job. However, we don’t go to school for it. We saw our parents in action. We get glimpses of other parents. Is trial and error the only way we can learn to be good parents?

I remember my aunt pulling me aside and giving me a little advice. My first reaction was, “Who does she think she is?!” and “I know how to parent my child!” I realized that she had a very good point and was right. I am a better parent for her coaching.

Classroom teachers have a parenting advantage (if they choose to use it). I have encountered parents who should teach courses and write books about the subject. I have met parents who should take those classes. I continue to meet remarkable and expert parents and learn from them.

At a recent Sweet Tomatoes dinner, I saw a display of these many parenting characteristics:

Good parents work hard to foster their children’s independence. Rather than carrying their children’s trays, I saw parents allowing children to take just a little and do it themselves – and being patient enough to let them move slowly and carefully to the table.

I watched a mom talk to her child about not cutting in front of people at the pasta bar. If we want our kids to be powerful, then we must hold our children responsible for their actions and coach them on how to make good decisions.

I saw small children come precariously close to toppling older adults. They ran through the buffet area like a playground. One almost ended up covered with hot soup. Good parents show their children their actions can have positive or negative effects on the people around them.

I bumped into a former student and her family. Good parents actively teach their children how to foster healthy relationships with peers, adults, family, and the larger community.

At a table on the other side of the booth wall, I could hear a parent saying to his child again and again, “You promised. Remember? You promised me!” Good parents hold their children to their commitments and teach them to make good ones.

My family had a conversation about our eating choices. It is critical to teach our children long term thinking. Kids are very much in the here and now. They have trouble envisioning tomorrow, let along next year.

There was one table that looked like the Partridge family. They were all dressed in nearly matching outfits. Our kids are a reflection of us. There is no doubting that parents impress themselves on their children. However, good parents also see their children as unique individuals with their own passions, aptitudes, and characteristics.

Of course there was a disaster table: food was everywhere, coats were on the floor, one parent was on the phone, kids were all over. Good parents are consistent, reliable, and predictable. Their children rarely wonder what their parents will do; they set limits and then hold the whole family to them.

Everywhere I looked, there were clear demonstrations of the joy of genuine affection and caring. Nothing is more important than kids feeling truly loved by their parents.

Of course, this is only a surface exploration of these topics. Please consider this an appetizer. It is my intension to serve up more courses in the weeks and months to come. What characteristics have I left out?

Parenting is too important to fumble through. Our kids are watching our choices and, consciously or not, storing them away. Our words are powerful. Our actions are even more so. I am so grateful to the many fantastic parents who continue to let me feast at the buffet of great parenting.