My Parenting Prime Directive

Captain Picard’s Prime Directive dictates that powerful visitors from space may not interfere in the natural development of the places they visit. As a parent, I do not want to interfere in natural development of my children. My first rule of parenting is that I will not do anything that my children could do for themselves!

Even if it means that my children may struggle or become frustrated, it is critical to allow them to “figure it out for themselves” rather than swoop in and rescue them. This is easy to do sometimes and difficult to do when the stakes are higher. However, whether it is tying shoes or applying to college, my job is to help my kids to function independently. A child who functions autonomously is building a sense of confidence and power. Children whose parent do everything (or almost everything) for them learn that power is external and they must find ways to siphon off second hand power; the skills that kids need to piggyback parental power are often negative and destructive.

Yes, it is easier and faster to solve our kids’ problems for them. It is frustrating to watch and wait while children struggle and sometimes fail. Yet robbing them of failure is robbing them of growth. The rationalization is often that the price of that the task, whatever it is, is “too important to be left to the child.” Parents use this excuse to justify intervening about grades, social issues, college applications, try-outs, and of course to “protect” the child. The fact is, these are all too important to be accomplished by the parent. This doesn’t mean that parent must be completely hands-off. However, the parent must be the child’s guide and assistant, not the other way around. By snatching these “important” tasks away from our children, we keep them children and slow their maturation.

Teachers can recognize students whose parents do it all for them. They fear failure and often are scared of learning. They are resistant to feedback and see criticism as personal and insulting. They often threaten teachers with parental retribution! One of these students felt slighted when he didn’t receive credit for writing incorrect answers on a quiz, even though his answers showed he hadn’t learned the material. “I should get something anyway,” he whined to me. “My mom will be calling you.”

Early in the year, teachers get calls from these kids’ parents. They refer to themselves in the plural, ‘When we worked on that assignment,” or “We weren’t sure of the instructions.” Some teachers call them “butt wipers” or other names that suggest that they do not let their kids do even the most basic tasks. By cultivating kids’ dependence, they are infantilizing their children.

If we teach our kids to use their power, we must also teach them to make good decisions and hold them accountable for them. I am in awe of the parents who, when I called and told them that their child had plagiarized, said, “Throw the book at him!” We all know parents who will do anything to prevent their kids from feeling the negative effects of poor decisions. Not only does this undercut a child’s feeling of autonomy, but it also teaches them that they are above the law; the rules don’t apply to them. That is a lesson that is connected to a host of problems from bullying to substance use.

Fostering independence in our children teaches them that they have power and how to use it. It cultivates competence and confidence. It may be the most important trait of great parenting.

No More Averaged Grades!

This time of year, grades are on my mind. While I am thrilled with my students’ learning, I am not happy with grades or grading.

I decided to try traditional averaged grading for the first time this year. In the past, I used rubrics, grade guides, and other systems. However, our school is using an online grade book and the program is designed for an averaged point system. Averaging grades is easier and faster than evaluating portfolios or going through checklists. It allows teachers to be more flexible with the number and weight of assignments. I fully understand why it is the overwhelming favorite of my colleagues.

However, it is not my favorite. Far from it: I hate it. I think it is not pedagogically sound and I am never using it again. I am working on a way to change my system for second semester.

Averaged grading basically takes all the work a student has done and puts it in a pile and declares that the middle is the measurement of students’ achievement. Is that a good way to measure what goes on in class? Is that accurate?

If I am really teaching students and they are really learning, then their proficiency should increase throughout the year. All learners make mistakes initially; that is how we discover what we don’t know and what we need to figure out. An averaged system means that, even though mistakes aid in the learning process, they will be permanent stains on the record.

This is akin to judging gymnasts based on how quickly they learned their routines or musicians on how few errors they made sight-reading. Would anyone ever say to an athlete or musician, “Well, you did a great job, but I know you didn’t do it well the first few times you tried, so you get marked down.” That would be ridiculous. Yet, that is how we grade students.

When kids are learning, their work is supposed to improve. The real measure is both individual, their growth between where they started and where they finished, and objective, their ability to master a set of defined skills or knowledge. Averaged grades don’t communicate the student’s proficiency in the subject area. They only measures the distance between their best and their worst attempts.

By averaging grades, we give students an incentive to play it safe. If a student makes a choice that is creative, original, or innovative and doesn’t work out, down goes the grade. The real lesson is don’t take risks; give teachers what they are asking for and be as milquetoast as possible.

Then it all comes down to the almighty percentage; teachers and students don’t have to evaluate learning, they just do simple math. The focus is on the number and the grade, instead of the skills and the learning. No real evaluating or thinking involved.

Ironically, as I was drafting this blog posting, my department was assigned an article by Ken O’Connor and Rick Wormeli that made a very similar argument. These two well regarded educational researchers share my view on averaging, “It is unethical and inaccurate to include in a grade digressions in performance that occur during the learning process when a grade is supposed to report students’ mastery at the end of that process. It is also inaccurate to rely solely on single-sitting assessments for the most accurate report of what students know and can do. Instead we look for evidence over time.” (O’Connor and Wormeli, Reporting Student Learning).

No more averaged grades for me. My grades will be progressive; each assignment hopefully a step up the stairs. I will not penalize students’ mistakes but reward their successes. I hope my grading system will encourage creative risk taking and innovation. It will be more difficult to arrive at a grade at this way, but it is my goal to make grades a more accurate, fair, and humane indicator of students’ learning.