The College Search Process: Part 5

For months we have been asked, “Where is your daughter going next year?” I always answer, “college.” I get a wry smile and the obvious follow up. We now have an answer! The college search process has ended. The search is over and we have a winner! Hurrah! It took more than two years, seventeen visits to college campuses, three college fairs, and countless college “events.”

The good news is that we have found a match for our child. I think the hard work paid off. Like trying on different clothes, it took a while to find the right fit.

Interestingly enough, the two schools that her parents thought were not fantastic fits both put her on waiting lists. Two more schools accepted her but, by that time, were no longer in the running. The final two schools were the key players and merited a return trip. These visits solidified her choice.

So this past spring break, we made one more journey to the East Coast. We attempted to simulate what going to these schools would be like for her. When we got off the plane, she did not go with me to pick up the rental car but found her way to the campus using public transportation. She spent solo time on both campuses, sat in on classes, ate with students, and visited dorms. 

By the time she competed her second spring break campus visit, we all knew the choice. We went home and filled out forms and sent in a deposit. Done! 

And that is the “other” news, because it really isn’t bad. Now we will be living the college process – just not searching. Now we start to prepare our daughter for life at college (and life at home without her for us). Now we start packing, planning, and paying! 

We just signed up for summer orientation, which involves both the incoming students and their parents. The college charges a fee for this! I made three sets of hotel and air reservations: orientation, the big August drop off, and parents’ weekend. I feel like a travel agent. 

We are asking questions of other families: Since we can’t drive out to the college due to our schedules, how do you get clothes and dorm materials to school? Shipping? Schlepping on the plane? Purchasing once there? How often do kids come home? Do they book one-way airfares? How did your child get his or her first credit card? We are full of college life questions. 

A ton of emails and envelopes are coming into the house regarding health insurance, registration, finances, and many other new college tasks. The process is far from over. We have found our college (and I use “our” because mom and dad, like it or not, must be very much involved). Getting there is half the fun, but it is only half. In this case, it could be less then half! 

Of course, we have another child. We get two years off before we search again! College number two, where are U?

The Problem with the Pick Up Line

My kids need me to schlep them around. While it is not the best part of parenting, the conversations in the car are often nice. However, when they can move themselves to their classes, activities, and rehearsals, it is a wonderful thing. I am so grateful for busses, carpools, bikes, and Deerfield’s small size.

Yet, I often observe a long time of cars behind the high school at 2:45 in the afternoon waiting to pick up students. The last class starts at about 2:20 and ends at 3:14. This means these parents arrive at school between fifteen to thirty minutes early. These are parents with wait problems! And there aren’t just a few of them. I have counted as many as thirty vehicles.

I can understand doing this if I needed to whisk my child away to an important appointment. That doesn’t happen often. Could that many kids need a fast getaway? We don’t do many after school appointments because my children are involved in athletics, stage crew, plays, and clubs after school and are rarely willing or available to leave at the end of the class day.

That clearly isn’t the case for the waiting parents’ kids. By 3:10, the line of cars is enormous and fills the entire parking lot and the road leading to it. Why are so many parents willing to wait on their kids and why are these kids leaving school so soon?

Some people live too close to school to qualify for bussing but that doesn’t mean they need to pick up their children as soon as the final bell rings. In fact, these parents would save time if they arrived a few minutes later. By 3:30, the pick up line is gone! And if you live so close to school you don’t get bus service, does that mean your children could bike or walk? Living close doesn’t disqualify kids from taking advantage of the wonderful activities that happen after school.

After school activities are one of the most important parts of high school. Some research suggests they are just as important to children’s later success as the academics! So why are all these kids leaving at the end of the day? Because their parents are waiting to take them home? Perhaps some of them are involved in outside of school activities like Girl Scouts or volunteering. Maybe some of them have jobs. Maybe some hear the call of video games, TV, Facebook, and mommy.

Parents’ driving in the pick up line is uneven at best. Many parents drive with no regard for safety; they speed out of the parking lot, ignore laws and the school’s rules. They are so glad to get their darlings back. Many are on cell phones, which is now illegal near a school. Many are driving enormous vehicles but pick up only one child.

Almost all of the cars are running while they wait. They not only have time to burn, gas and money are no object either. And we haven’t mentioned the fact that we have a parking lot full of student vehicles!

So what is really happening here?

This could be just another example of enabling parents; parents who are enmeshed with their kids and must get them home as soon as possible. Or maybe it a case of kids who can manipulate their parents into being their chauffeurs. It is probably a little of these and more.

It is time to get rid of the pick up line. What’s my sign? Stop! Get out of the pick up line; our time is too valuable and there are so many better things to do!