Connecting to Communities

This past weekend, I attended the World Science Fiction Convention in Chicago. I have attended science fiction and Star Trek conventions for more than thirty years and the World Con was an affirmation of how important the science fiction community is to me.

There were thousands of science fiction fans and professionals in attendance. I was struck and amazed, as I had been when I attended my first conventions, by the diversity, openness, and warmth of the con-goers. Every time I go to one of these gatherings, I think to myself, I have found my people.

Science fiction fans aren’t my only community. I love Rosh Hashanah, the first of the High Holidays, because it brings my entire congregation together. We celebrate a service and then kibitz and catch up afterward. It feels like a family reunion. Because of this, the evening of Rosh Hashanah is my favorite holiday. It is a joyous gathering of my congregational community.

These are just two examples of my communities – there are many more. My communities are not merely lists or hobbies. They are multigenerational. They are grounded in real relationships and passions. They are not clubs or cliques but inclusive groups with strong bonds and purposes. And I make a conscious effort to actively support and build them.

How can we help our children connect and create communities?  It is critical that we do so. Kids need to see adults building and supporting communities. Teenagers are naturally self-absorbed. Sometimes, they see themselves as isolated and alone. Other times, they see their groups as threatened rather than enhanced by “rival” groups. While sports teams and organized school activities can create communities for kids, it is just as important that they discover and build them as well. Online connections are shadows of these relationships that work best when they act as stepping-stones toward authentic relationships in the real world.

Human beings are interdependent. As much as we want to be soloists, we are naturally members of an ensemble. We depend on others to create the music and magic with us. Sometimes, we take center stage with the melody but as often we provide harmony in the background. Sometimes, we may forget that the ensemble is behind us, backing us up. Sometimes we need to be reminded. What is really important is the collective act of making the music.

The recent Republican National Convention took its theme in opposition of a statement made by President Obama. The president said, “You didn’t build it,” and the Republicans answered, “We built it.” I am confused because both are correct. No one person stands alone. No Olympic athlete could win without a coach, sponsor, parent or team. Our communities create the conditions for achievement. “You” did not build it. “We” built it - together.

Contrasting the recent political conventions was the awards ceremony at the World Science Fiction Convention. Each person present could participate by voting for the many awards. In order to do so, we read and watched, viewed and enjoyed hundreds of beautiful stories, magazines, books, and other works of art. The ceremony needed no put-downs of other groups. There was no posturing or persuasion. It was our community celebrating what it had created, collectively and individually.  

We must find “our peoples.” We must help our children to find theirs even when they join communities with which we, their parents and teachers, are unfamiliar.

There are myriad of “online communities” and they can be good starts. However, gathering, building, and nourishing the real thing are the keys to human survival – and happiness!