Staying In Touch

How do you stay in touch with people whom you don’t see regularly? Facebook is a nice way to keep lines of communication open, but, most of the time, it is lacks the personal touch. I find that, even when I am deliberate about phone calls, I don’t reach the person more often than I do. Keeping in touch is difficult.

Even in the day of electronic communication, ubiquitous cell phones, and video chats, I struggle to stay in touch with people who aren’t on my “route”  - even people I dearly love and with whom I feel very close.

Sunday dinners with my folks, holidays and celebrations, school events, and kids’ events pull in many people. If we share an activity or organization, we have a point of contact. If none of these structures are in place, how do we keep a friendship that once had them from fading?

I think the answer is: most of the time we don’t.

My family moved during the summer between fourth and fifth grade. We moved only a few miles north, but it might as well have been a thousand. I had no real means to get to my friends in my old neighborhood. I don’t remember if I telephoned much. I was certainly very lonely in my new neighborhood for a while. It was as if I had closed that door. I wasn’t there any more. My parents neither encouraged nor discouraged my connection to my “old” friends, and it was a case of “out of sight, out of mind,” even when there wasn’t much on my mind.

As a teacher, people I spend a significant amount of time with move out of my life on a regular basis. Each year, a hundred or so former students cross the stage, grab a diploma, and I never see them again. Thanks to Facebook, I get little glimpses into a few, but even these often remain only digital friends.

There are a few special students who become real friends. Not just former students or occasional visitors, but friends in the real sense of the word. They are very special rare gifts. They are one of the greatest perks of being a teacher. It is my experience that the students who fall into this category must make a significant conscious effort to remain in touch – and I must do the same with them. It is a partnership. Although sometimes, I may not see these former students for months or even years, their reappearances are regular and dependable. There are a few I have lunch with during the summer and even more who I see every year or three. There are some who make regular treks back to school and some who make a point to touch base with me on holidays or birthdays. I am so grateful for this kind of keeping in contact.

And that is the key. That is what staying in touch is all about; it is a commitment to contact; it is like marriage, a promise to maintain the bond. Sometimes the bond isn’t very strong, but it is still present. Sometimes, I don’t feel the bond until it appears.

Staying in touch, even in the digital age, is difficult. It is a statement of value: I want to keep you in my life. I want to hear your voice and see your face, not just your updates and photos.

There are lots of big and small ways to keep in touch: a postcard from a trip, a call on a birthday, an unexpected email, a carefully planned visit, a quick coffee, or a message, “just to say hi.” When these people appear, it makes my day. It reminds me of that, no matter how busy I am or how long my to-do list, the people are what make it all worth while. It may be difficult, but keeping in touch is worth the effort! Now if I could just do it!