Happy Facebook Birthday

As a child, I got birthday cards from my family. Later, a few close friends would either call or send a card. As I grew up, I could count on one hand the number of non-family members who acknowledged my birthday in any way.

Prior to the advent of Facebook, birthdays were a way to stay in touch. A birthday card to a far away friend was a way to affirm the relationship. This was also a good determiner of the whether such effort was worthwhile. Some people didn’t seem to care about such things. Whether or not they reciprocated (most did not), these cards either kept relationships alive or let me know that they were already dead.

Facebook changed all that. Now I only have to remember the birthdays of friends who are not on Facebook, and even for those people, I often send emails instead of cards. A birthday email is far more effective – and let’s face it, for many people, I don’t have much to say beyond, “happy birthday.”

So now we have a long list of simple and banal birthday greetings. Each morning, I see the names of my Facebook friends’ birthdays. I type a little greeting. Is it worth it?

Meaningful or not, Facebook birthday posts feel good. While I have heard my students discuss the number of digital birthday greetings, for me, the amount is less important than the fact that people take a few moments to reach out. This is not only gratifying, but also healthy –and it seems to work better than my old approach. 

I enjoyed my recent birthday. I loved the time with my friends and family and the warm Facebook posts. But I didn’t need any real fuss. I save fuss for my children’s birthdays. Those are far more important to me than my own birthday.

I used to hate kiddy birthday parties. The worst part was the glut of presents that the kids unwrapped and discarded. The real meaning of the celebration got lost: the gift that is the child. My children’s birthdays are a chance for me remember and renew the gratitude for the joy they bring me.

And that is why birthdays matter. Whether on Facebook, through a card, a call, or email, they are a chance to renew this kind of gratitude and joy. They are a moment on the calendar to give a long distance hug. They keep us positively connected.

Sappy as it sounds, Facebook helps keep these positive connections alive when they might have disappeared. Even if some of them are not substitutive, they make us smile. They keep us from drifting too far apart or getting too caught up in ourselves.

Birthdays are a chance to affirm relationships. And they aren’t the only chance. There are lots of ways to say, “I love you.” Birthdays are only one of them. I make a point of noting anniversaries and other special dates that Facebook doesn’t list. It would be wonderful if birthdays, or something like them, came along several times a year.

Cliché though it may be, this is a case where it really is the thought that counts. It is nice to be remembered and feel loved and appreciated. However we do it, this kind of acknowledgement keeps both the sender and receiver healthier and happier. Thanks, Facebook!