Winning Plays

I am not a sports person. As a child, my athletic experiences were painful, humiliating, and drenched in sweat. However, I married a coach and an athlete and, unsurprisingly, our children have been involved in performing arts and athletics. When my younger child was waffling about soccer, I even became a coach for a few seasons.

There is a stark difference in the quality of my children’s experiences in theatre and sports. With few exceptions, my children’s experience on high school teams has been uneven and often frustrating and painful. They have loved their time working on plays and musicals. The key difference is the adults in charge. Whether it is a play, music ensemble, or athletic team, there are a few critical strategies that “coaches” can take so it is a healthy and positive experience for all kids.  

Be inclusive: The kids in the theatre are molded into a company. Every student has a job and is actively involved - even if a stagehand only places a prop or a “spear carrier” says only, “dinner is served.” If a student is chosen to be on the team, that student must do more than practice. While I have some qualms with the value, I understand that, at the varsity level, high school sports are about winning. For other levels, inclusion, the development of skills, and time on the field must be valued at least as much as victory. 

Build community: The track team at our school is remarkably close. Kids in theatre productions make new friends that extend beyond the boundaries of the show. There is a reason for this. The adults in charge help kids develop deep and meaningful relationships with each other. To them, kids are far more than chess pieces in a game. They create experiences in rehearsal and practice that allow kids to go beyond the superficial and break down “clique” barriers. That has never happened for my children on their teams and has been a consistent high spot in their experiences on stage.

Treat kids with respect and caring: Both of my kids believed that their coaches didn’t really care about them. With only one exception, my children neither liked their coaches nor thought that their coaches liked them. Their relationship was strictly business. In one case, my child feared her coach. My children cherish their relationships with the adults in theatre. Community is built on relationships. In theatre, kids get the message that their participation matters. The technical director and stage director get to know kids. They learn who they are beyond the show. This takes time, but more importantly, it takes adults who really want to connect deeply with kids. I know there are coaches, sponsors, and directors who fit this mold. 

Strike a balance between the needs of the individual and needs of the group: “There is no I in team.” There is no “I” in theatre either. The fact is that kids are individuals. They are not robots who subsume themselves in the collective. They are part of a team (or company), but they are also multidimensional people. They have families, other interests, and unique qualities. It pains me that my children had to sign up for special lessons and participate in club sports to be able to make the cut for teams. Many of my children’s teammates do nothing other than one or two sports. Specialization is what is required to compete. This is sad. I want my children to play sports. I also want them to play musical instruments, participate in clubs, go to youth group, and explore many activities.

Foster kids’ success: As a teacher, I work hard to help every student succeed. Every child in a production has a role to play. My children have been frustrated in sports because they did not have the opportunity to succeed. Furthermore, they didn’t feel like the coach was their ally. The coach was a critic, who more often than not gave them a thumbs down.

Our theatre program has a motto: The most important thing is how we treat each other. Can we treat kids in a more humane and caring way? Can inclusion and the development of skills sit side by side with competition? Winning means more than scoring: it is about the quality of kids’ experiences.

Summer Guilt

“So what are you doing this summer?”

I am asked this question daily. I didn’t choose to be a teacher for summer break, but it is a wonderful benefit. When people ask me what I am doing, I often feel my answers don’t measure up.

I have my stock responses: I do about 80% of my lesson planning over the summer. I take workshops and classes. My wife and I travel. I spend a great deal of time schlepping my children and going to their activities and sports. We have quality family time. Yet, that doesn’t feel like enough. I do that during the school year.

I should say something like, “I am building homes for the poor, writing a book about literacy, running two marathons, reroofing my home, and teaching summer school to disadvantaged students – and that’s only July!” I feel guilty that my summer is not justified with productive and generous activities.

The truth is I like summer because it is not overstuffed and moves at a leisurely pace. It is the opposite of the rest of my year. Instead of the frantic early morning rush, I savor the slow slide from morning wake up to workout. I love making and enjoying breakfast rather than rushing through it. I get to say, “yes” to social engagements, special events, and last minute jaunts. My summer is not frenzied like the rest of my year, like the rest of my life!

So now I feel even guiltier. Not only do I get summer break, it is enjoyable and relaxed! I think, “others get a few weeks of vacation, and I get a whole summer.” That isn’t fair. Everyone should get to enjoy this kind of change of pace.

There are the stock rationalizations: my job as a teacher is different than other professions, but we know the truth about that. Everyone’s job has stress from clients and bosses, homework, legislative demands, non-air-conditioned work places, underfunded budgets, and restless teenagers (and their parents). Every job has its unique challenges and perks. We’re all in the same classroom –right?

I am a parent as well as a teacher. As a parent, summer is a joyous gift! I get to go full time with my family. I have the time to sit through long baseball games (and not grade quizzes at the same time), bring kids off to the pool, or take time to do whatever my children want. My kids and I share this calendar, and that may be my favorite thing about summer.

So how do I alleviate my summer guilt? I make long lists and do everything on them. All those home task, special projects, and school tasks that didn’t fit into the regular year finally find have my attention. Summer for me is not totally free – but unlike the rest of the year, I am in control of my schedule.

Summer is my crazy profession’s antidote. Maybe someday, we’ll find a way to make both teachers’ and students’ lives more balanced throughout the year. We won’t have the summer binge and the  school-year purge. I wouldn’t bet your vacation on that happening soon.

Someday, I’d like to take the summer off completely. I’d like to have a summer free from lesson planning, workshops, and schoolwork. One summer, I’d like to lose my to-do list. But that has another name: retirement. And my retirement is not that far away. Then I will really feel guilty!