Introducing the iTeacher!

All the problems with education are solved! No need to worry about poor achievement, bad teachers, or lack of funding. The iTeacher has come to our rescue! The iTeacher is a fully automated teachbot. It will do everything a human teacher could do – and more!

Do your teachers drone on and on and on? Are their lectures long and boring? Do students skip the lecture and just read the PowerPoint slides? Are they filling class time with meaningless busy work? Replace your nineteenth century teacher with a twenty-first century educator: the iTeacher!

Why pay expensive teachers who lecture or fill time with worksheets and readings during class? The iTeacher has the entire Internet at its “fingertips” instantly. This teacher can answer every question flawlessly. The curious student need look no further than the iTeacher.

The iTeacher’s lectures are more informative, entertaining, and effective because it has access to not just Kahn Academy, but every recorded teacher lesson online! Students will flip when iTeacher stands before the class. Record your best teachers, fire them, and use iTeacher instead!

And iTeacher’s PowerPoints are perfect! Students can link their laptops, Chromebooks, iPads, smart phones, smart watches, tablets, notebooks, or even their desktops at home to iTeacher and get it all!

iTeacher can evaluate student progress flawlessly and constantly! No one has every made objective tests like iTeacher! How many terms does the student know? Can the student recall all the details from last week’s lectures? iTeacher knows! And iTeacher can then create additional tests for those who need to repeat material or move ahead. Everyday can be test day with iTeacher – and iTeacher can use the resources of College Board, ACT, SAT, and AP to prepare students for more tests! iTeacher is a test-o-matic!

No more waiting for feedback! iTeacher corrects everything instantly and returns it to students before they even finish! Tired of tracking down your child’s teacher? iTeacher returns emails, phone calls, tweets, messages, texts, or high frequency transmissions within twenty-seven seconds!

But what about class management? Can an iTeacher really handle a group of tenth graders? Of course! iTeacher keeps kids busy constantly! iTeacher can generate over two hundred activities in less than five minutes. Students will not have time to goof off!

But if they do, iTeacher has a full array of behavior modification applications! iTeacher can fill out behavioral referrals more completely and properly than any human teacher. iTeacher is even equipped with a low power tazer – just in case! And iTeacher has read all students’ cumulative folders, IEPs, and 504 plans! So if a student needs to be reminded why he flunked fourth grade, or how his father’s rehab failure might be his fault, the iTeacher can put him in his place with personalized and targeted verbal redirection.

Why struggle to align your curriculum to state standards and the Common Core? Everything the iTeacher does is labeled with the appropriate target, goal, objective, skill, and Department of Education skew number! Think of how well your students will score on those all important achievement tests!

iTeacher can work with students of all abilities and backgrounds. iTeacher speaks every language! iTeacher will keep all the support staff up to date. It can interface with iCaseManager, iCounselor, iDean, and iSchoolPsych!

Tired of lectures, worksheets, and scantron tests? Frustrated by lack of feedback and responsiveness? Fed up with teachers who just test and average? Sick of teachers who can’t handle kids?  Wait no more!

It is time for the iTeacher! Your students deserve it!