Fifty Candles

In John Hughes’ teenage classic, Sixteen Candles, Molly Ringwald’s character, Samantha Baker believes that everyone has forgotten her sixteenth birthday. And while I don’t want to ignore my birthday, I am not sure that it merits a big deal. So for my fiftieth birthday, here are fifty thoughts about turning fifty, aging, and celebrating birthdays:

1. My children’s birthdays are the real big deal. Those are the birthdays that I really mark and care about. So perhaps my birthday isn’t just mine. It is my parents’.

2. I like using birthdays as a means of staying in touch. Whether by a quick Facebook acknowledgement, a card, or phone call, birthdays give me a chance to say, “I am thinking about you, and I still care!”

3. Other families have elaborate birthday rituals. My family never did – and I didn’t miss that. Some people love to be the center of attention and some do not. 

4. I don’t see my fiftieth birthday as a significant landmark. It is not that different from my forty-ninth or fifty-first birthdays. I don’t believe that fifty is the new thirty.

5. Birthday presents are not important to me. People are important to me. 

6. For the past decade or so, nature’s gift has been a cleaner head, a few more pounds, and an extra awareness of minor ailments. If that is what birthdays are, I certainly don’t need them.

7. I hear there is a colonoscopy in my future. Joy.

8. I am already a member of AARP (thanks to my wife turning fifty ahead of me) and it doesn’t bother me at all. I like the coupons and discounts.

9. Thank you for reading my blog. That is a great birthday present!

10. One of my friends dislikes Facebook because he contends that it gives us a false sense of connection. We see each other’s posts and then don’t feel the need to make “real” contact. If birthdays are a reason to make more substantive contact, that is a good thing.

11. I still think that a superficial acknowledgement of special events is better than no acknowledgment at all.

12. My English department has a birthday buddy tradition that some of my colleagues find onerous. I like being a buddy and organizing a little celebration for someone. I like when my birthday is acknowledged. When my buddy forgot one year, I was surprised how disappointed I felt.

13. I don’t believe in wishes. I believe in goals. And I don’t need candles to make them.  

14. I am terrible at acknowledging my students’ birthdays. Even when they were on the assignment sheet, I was so focused on the lesson, that the birthdays were often neglected.

15. When I do remember, I use this little song: “This is your birthday song. It isn’t very long.”

16. There is a second verse to this ditty: “This is the second verse. It’s shorter than the first.”

17. I do not feel old. I do not feel older than I did last year or the year before. I don’t remember the year before that.

18. I am occasionally surprised when I look in a mirror or see an old picture of myself.

19. When I see pictures of my parents in their thirties, forties, or fifties, I notice how young they look. However, my parents still look young. I hope those genes kick in sometime soon.

20. My children are getting older. My students are getting married and having babies. That is what aging feels like to me.

21. I am looking forward to time travel. Which means I am looking forward to going back.

22. Am I the only one who is a little grossed out eating a cake that someone has blown over?

23. I bumped into a student recently and I didn’t recognize her. I usually do. However, she looked so grown up. It was hard to see the fourteen-year-old child in the woman holding a toddler. I better get used to this.

24. Former students: when we bump into each other, tell me who you are right away, please. I will be increasingly grateful for that.

25. I can’t go on the really good rides at the amusement park any more. I can barely do roller coasters. The Superman ride is particularly bad because I feel like I am a doggie on all fours.

26. Some of my friends from school look exactly the same as I remember them. I am coming to hate that.

27. Some of my friends from school look older than I do. I think that is very polite. It is really nice when my former students look my age or older.

28. I feel like I have caught up to my former teachers and professors.

29. My first students are in their forties. We are now in very similar places in our lives. Does this shock them as much as it shocks me?

30. My former students’ children are at Deerfield High School. None has yet been in my classroom. That will be a real birthday milestone. I fear it is going to happen soon.

31. My current students are perpetually fourteen through eighteen. This gives me a false sense of time standing still.

32. I am very aware of time when I make a pop culture reference and they don’t get it. If I ask them, “Where is the beef?” or note they are getting “two mints in one,” I get nothing but blank stares.

33. The past was neither “golden” nor “good old.” I believe things are getting better. The times are not perfect, but progress is happening.

34. Biology is destiny. We can take only a small amount of credit for how we age.

35. As of next year, I will be the teacher in our school with the most seniority. And I am only fifty. Of course I started teaching when I was twelve.

36. I don’t care how old I am, or how old my children are, I love putting them to bed. 

37. I am not looking forward to having an “empty nest.” I have been told I will like it. I don’t want to.

38. The days are long. The years are short.

39. The other day, I started to say, “I have little kids.” I surprised myself. Sometimes I see my children as nearly adults. Sometimes I miss the little people they were.

40. I do want grandchildren – but not yet.

41. The only bad thing about going bald is having to wear a hat in the sun. Sunburn on the top of the scalp is unpleasant.

42. This is a special number and therefore needs no further comment.

43. I do not want to become one of those people who dwell on the past. I have met more than a few folks who constantly connect the conversation to their personal histories. Stop me if I do this.

44. Growing older is far better than the alternative.

45. My grandmother used to say, “We live too long.” She outlived all her friends and many of her friends’ children.

46. It will always be about the relationships. It is not about how we look, feel, or even think. It is about how we connect to each other.

47. I was stupid when I was younger. I made idiotic mistakes and did foolish things. I still do, but I hope I do so less frequently.

48. On the other hand,  that silly kid is still in me. He just has way less hair and moves more slowly.

49. I am grateful for birthday greetings. But don’t wait for my birthday. Don’t worry about my birthday. I will celebrate for any reason.

50. Any chance to reach out and acknowledge a friend is a good thing. I should do it more often. Sometimes, I get so caught up in the minutia of my world that I can’t see outside my borders. So if a special birthday lets me bring my head above the mundane waters, connect with the people around me, then my birthday has been a good thing.