Fear Is The Value Killer

When we are comfortable, well fed, and secure, we say nice things. When we feel frightened or in pain, those nice things are often forgotten. Why do we let negativity steal the essence of who we are? Why does fear so often harden into hate? Why are we so willing to dump our integrity when things get rough? Why do we fail the difficult tests over and over? 

The values that make us a free and civilized nation, the ones many good people have given their lives to protect, are the very things we are willing to trade when we think we are threatened. To misquote Frank Herbert, fear is the value killer.

The first value that we forget is: thou shalt not kill. Why are we obsessed with guns and violence? Why is the answer to violence always more violence? If something is dangerous, the answer is to create more danger? We do not flinch when we discuss mixing our most precious and vulnerable population, our children, with weapons. In fact, there is all too frequent talk that such a mix is a good thing. Do we want our children to kill? Is it okay to kill? Okay sometimes? Okay under certain circumstances? What happened to that simple value? What happened to the clear and unequivocal statement?  It is wrong to kill. Violence is never the solution – it is the problem! Once in a while, violence may appear to bring short-term gains, but it always creates long-term chaos. All of our religions and philosophies are clear about this. Why are we so quick to forget it? 

How do we deal with conflict and violence? A famous and well-regarded religious figure once prescribed turning the other cheek. Many revered voices have been very clear that answering violence with violence is the opposite of what we should do. But we know better. 

Which leads to the most important statement made by almost every religion and philosophy: Love thy neighbor. The ideas of love, charity, and kindness sit at the pinnacle of civilization and communal value. Why do we forget them so quickly? 

There are those who make their livelihood by promoting fear. They know that, if they threaten and frighten, they can manipulate people because people’s worst nature will override their higher values. They trigger our primal fears and then exploit them. They are the real enemy.

We must have the internal debate and win. Then, to those who would profit from our fears, we must say, “there is cause for concern, but I am the kind of person - and we are the kind of people - who will not kill, will not create violent chaos, will love rather than hate, and will champion the cause of those who have been oppressed, abused, and need our voices and actions.”

What is wrong with helping the poor, healing the sick, and clothing the naked? Some will scoff and say, "Not with my dollar! Let them help, heal and clothe themselves, like I did!" To think that we got where we are without the aid of others is a delusion. Do we want to be the people who turn the needy away from our door? Do we want to be the people who foster violence as the solution to problems? Do we want to be a nation of hate? 

There is nothing wrong (and everything right) with affirming that Black lives matter and addressing the gross inequities in our society. Some will defect the issue by saying that “all lives matter” or “what about Black on Black violence.” That is our fear talking again.  We can use any number of rationalizations to avoid the issue. We must own it. We must then work to create a just society. Do we want a world where anyone’s loved ones can be executed at a traffic stop?

What would that make us? Is that the world we dream for our children? 

The war is not on Christmas or Christianity. The war is on integrity. The war is on values. The war is on equality. The war is on justice. The war is on goodness and humane behavior. 

No one should need a gun. Everyone should be able to see a doctor. No one should go hungry. Everyone should be able to support him or herself through honest labor. And it is the community's responsibility to make this happen. It is my responsibility and your responsibility. No one fends for him or herself unless he or she is a hermit! We didn't pave the streets. We didn't choose our parents. We can't take credit for rolls of the dice that put us where we are.

Taking out our fears on people running from their homes, poor people who can't make ends meet, or people who differ from us in any way sacrifices the most critical values upon which our nation, and all of civilization rests. 

The fate of the world is in our hands, heads, and hearts.

Thou shalt not kill. Seek just. Violence is not an answer to violence. Help the poor and needy. Love thy neighbor as thyself. 

We are all neighbors. 

They Grow Up

This summer, I have been bumping into former students as I move throughout the community. Some just graduated, some I see occasionally, but many have been away from Deerfield for a long time. I’ve been in touch with some here and there, and some I haven’t spoken to since graduation. They are doing well –and doing good. They are pursuing their passions. I cannot overstate how wonderful it is to see them.

I wonder and worry about my former (and current) students. These past few weeks several of my students have been married or engaged. I even attended a former student’s wedding and celebrated with her family and reconnected with some of her classmates! Another former student had a baby. Many graduated from college. With each photo, Facebook post, or word on the street, I am reminded of students I have not seen since they left DHS. That’s when I start thinking, “Whatever happened to...” or “How is that student” or “I worried so much about him.”

On another summer walk, I listened to a radio interview with one of my former students. He is an orthodox rabbi, and the interviewer baited him several times with questions that were clearly designed to get fiery answers. He dealt with them deftly and diplomatically. His discussion was thoughtful and soulful. I was kvelling the entire walk!  I would never have guessed, when we shared Sophomore English more than twenty years ago, that this would be his path!  

Not all stories are good ones. I have struggled with students whose challenges continued well beyond their graduations. There have been students whose stories did not have happy endings. I hope these are the exceptions.

There is no escaping loss and disappointment. There are unexpected plans, health issues, and problems that seem insurmountable. There are jobs that don’t work, scary situations, and worse. I wish I could swoop in and protect them from the pain and tragedy, but I couldn’t do that when we shared class, and I cannot do it now. They are independent adults who don’t need (or want) their former teacher to be their savior. They never did. I can be their supporter and cheerleader.

I believe that the seeds of my students' adult selves are visible in high school. However, sometimes they are just tiny buds just beginning to show themselves. Sometimes they are vines up the wall, and sometimes I wonder if they are weeds! I have learned to water all of them. I know that I cannot predict the future and I don’t bother trying.

I cannot overstate my delight when I see my former students. My eldest are in their mid-forties, and my youngest start college in the fall. I will carry them with me forever. My classes get bigger and bigger because the shadows of my former students are always present. I see them in the halls in the faces of my current kids.  I am reminded of them as I pass landmarks, discuss texts, and go to activities. It helps me to not miss them so much.

Thank you! Thank you for sharing your grown-up selves with me! Thank you for stopping and saying, “hello.”  Thank you for letting me see the wonderful people you have turned out to be.