They Grow Up

This summer, I have been bumping into former students as I move throughout the community. Some just graduated, some I see occasionally, but many have been away from Deerfield for a long time. I’ve been in touch with some here and there, and some I haven’t spoken to since graduation. They are doing well –and doing good. They are pursuing their passions. I cannot overstate how wonderful it is to see them.

I wonder and worry about my former (and current) students. These past few weeks several of my students have been married or engaged. I even attended a former student’s wedding and celebrated with her family and reconnected with some of her classmates! Another former student had a baby. Many graduated from college. With each photo, Facebook post, or word on the street, I am reminded of students I have not seen since they left DHS. That’s when I start thinking, “Whatever happened to...” or “How is that student” or “I worried so much about him.”

On another summer walk, I listened to a radio interview with one of my former students. He is an orthodox rabbi, and the interviewer baited him several times with questions that were clearly designed to get fiery answers. He dealt with them deftly and diplomatically. His discussion was thoughtful and soulful. I was kvelling the entire walk!  I would never have guessed, when we shared Sophomore English more than twenty years ago, that this would be his path!  

Not all stories are good ones. I have struggled with students whose challenges continued well beyond their graduations. There have been students whose stories did not have happy endings. I hope these are the exceptions.

There is no escaping loss and disappointment. There are unexpected plans, health issues, and problems that seem insurmountable. There are jobs that don’t work, scary situations, and worse. I wish I could swoop in and protect them from the pain and tragedy, but I couldn’t do that when we shared class, and I cannot do it now. They are independent adults who don’t need (or want) their former teacher to be their savior. They never did. I can be their supporter and cheerleader.

I believe that the seeds of my students' adult selves are visible in high school. However, sometimes they are just tiny buds just beginning to show themselves. Sometimes they are vines up the wall, and sometimes I wonder if they are weeds! I have learned to water all of them. I know that I cannot predict the future and I don’t bother trying.

I cannot overstate my delight when I see my former students. My eldest are in their mid-forties, and my youngest start college in the fall. I will carry them with me forever. My classes get bigger and bigger because the shadows of my former students are always present. I see them in the halls in the faces of my current kids.  I am reminded of them as I pass landmarks, discuss texts, and go to activities. It helps me to not miss them so much.

Thank you! Thank you for sharing your grown-up selves with me! Thank you for stopping and saying, “hello.”  Thank you for letting me see the wonderful people you have turned out to be.