Letting Go of the School Year

People ask me if the school year is winding down. My school year never seems to slowly come to a gentle stop. It feels more like a roller coasts that twists and drops and then, with a jolt, stops suddenly right where I got on.

May and June are intense, packed, and stressful. As the weather gets more pleasant outside, it becomes more difficult to remain inside. The rooms feel stuffy, and the end of the year can’t get here soon enough.

My calendar fills up with year-end events, banquets, and graduations. Some students just can’t hold it together any longer: some seniors struggle to get to the finish line; some freshmen can’t juggle one more assignment. We have another family crisis, spring case of mono, and all that prom-a (prom drama).

And like a bad tease, summer dangles before us.

On top of it is the reality of letting go. Sometimes, seniors can become quite difficult at the end of the year. They find fault in everything. They instigate disagreements. Pleasing them can be impossible! They are making it okay to say goodbye. If high school was really that irritating and unhappy (even if it wasn’t), then it is time to leave. If everything “sucks,” then it is less painful and scary to cross that stage, accept the diploma, and step out into the great unknown. The process of leaving is new and kids don’t always know how to handle that mixture of emotions.

Teachers don’t either. I should be good at this by now. I remind myself not to miss my students until they are actually gone. I bring my camera to school a little more often. I relish the conferences where I can tell my students how wonderful they are and thank them for putting up with me.

I am happy for them at graduation. I love the handshakes and hugs afterward. I am so grateful for those who connect on Facebook or in other ways as a means to stay in touch. I don’t want to let go. I joke about finding a teacher who will fail them so they will have to stay for another year.

That is what the end of the year means. It is not just about seniors. It means letting go of our yesterday selves. It means acknowledging the passage of days. Time passes quickly but that doesn’t just mean we’re having fun. We can’t go back and, even when kids insist they can’t wait for the year to end, the present is safe, known, and comfortable. Tomorrow, whether in a new place or a new year, is unknown and a scary.

When I come back to school in the fall, I have a period of adjustment when I mourn my classes from the prior year. I don’t know my new students well. I am excited to learn about them and with them, but there is a little shock, as I enter a classroom, and I wonder who these strangers are and where is MY class?

Sometime in October, I will turn a corner and see a student I haven’t seen since June and it is as if I have been given a gift. This meeting will soothe an anxiety that I wasn’t aware was sitting in the background.

Starting a new school year takes energy and work. Finishing one is like cashing out an investment. We have our routine. We know each other well. Yes, maybe we are now a little sick of each other. Yes, maybe things have lost their shine. But all my hard work is paying off! The growth is now visible!  Do I have to let it go and start over again?

That is the beauty and the burden of the educational cycle. It affords us time to reflect, relax, and then do it again a little better and a little differently. It is time to meet some new friends and be reborn.

Graduation is an end. The last weeks of school are chaotic and stressful, summer is a time to recover and rejuvenate, and then we do it again – hopefully better. And we miss those who are not doing it with us this time around.