Quinn’s childhood room had been transformed into an office without a bed. So the little guestroom became her base of operations. Quinn didn’t mind the different bedroom, however, she missed her apartment in DC and living an independent life. Not an easy transition for an adult in her twenties.
It was getting warmer. My daughter’s bedroom needed some fans to keep it cool. But we could gather outside. We had friends on our patio, meals on my parents’ porch, and lots of outdoor activity, especially walks.
At the same time, George Floyd was killed in Minnesota and a nationwide examination of racial justice reignited. I joined an online racial justice discussion group facilitated by a friend and a Facebook discussion group called Justice in June. We donated to a long group of charities that both helped people protesting and worked to dismantle systemic racism.
Yet deaths from both pandemics kept coming. Several Deerfield High School retirees passed away. My parents lost dear friends. There were several devastating and sudden deaths of people in their fifties and sixties. And a parade of parent losses. The summer was marked by Zoom funerals, condolence cards, and tribute contributions. A virtual shiva cannot replace the real thing. Comforting the bereaved became a much more challenging and important thing to do.
At home, Pippin, my daughter’s dog, was the center of our universe. We walked him three or more times a day. He loved having a backyard and went in and outside constantly. The dog’s presence brought more joy and happiness than I ever anticipated. He was a saving grace while my daughter had been alone, and they brought that warmth back here.
We were always walking. We walked with friends and their dogs. We went to forest preserves. We played in the fields next door at the high school. We chased and ran and threw balls and picked up lots of poop.
Walking a dog opened doors we didn’t know existed. We met other neighborhood dogs and their owners. The dogs had impromptu wrestling sessions and scheduled playdates. Neighbors were drawn to us because we were walking a friendly and beautiful animal. Pippin loved other dogs, neighbor’s children, and everyone he met. We shared his popularity.
We helped with his maintenance. We took him to a dog wash attached to a car wash. He was neutered and in a cone for several weeks. My daughter worked hard training him; he learned to give a high five, tolerate ear cleanings, and sit at intersections. He became an integral part of our family. Putting him at bed at night was a family ritual.
All that walking was more than my wife could handle. She was still struggling with her back. We met with two new surgeons. She had a CAT scan, which showed her back was the same as before surgery in February! Finally, we met with a doctor at Northwestern downtown and planned for a second surgery at the end of July.
My son was conducting informational interviews every day. He was learning to network and teaching himself about selling sports tickets. When he wasn’t on the phone, listening to a podcast, or reading about sports business, he was working out.
One of the nicest aspects of the summer was that, after each phone conversation, my son would come from his room to mine and discuss his call. I got a view into his job search that I would never have had if he were far away.
I was staying in touch with friends, family, former students, and colleagues. I sent emails, texts, called and met people for walks and on the patio. I worked hard to stay connected.
The school was working hard to end the year and plan for the upcoming fall. There were changes in roles, courses, and, of course, how classes were taught. Almost every day, someone said to me, “Aren’t you glad you retired when you did?” Yes, but I was feeling bad for my friends still in the classroom and did whatever I could to support them.
I took photos of the kids, the dog, my parents, and our friends. Like this post, I worked hard to document this strange time. I hope it is an unusual time and not something we experience again.
I was reading, especially books for my book groups, but I had far less time to just sit and read. We had three cars, but we didn’t go anywhere. Students and friends from long ago reconnected. We attended online weddings. The high school retirees met on Zoom. My Sunday school students celebrated our Confirmation service online. I started tutoring a young man for his bar mitzvah.
Most of our congregational activities were online. We had our annual meeting, a trivia night, and regular Shabbat services on Zoom. People attended from all over the country. Yet, we wanted to see each other face-to-face or mask-to-mask as was becoming the norm. So we created an outdoor and distanced tailgate party at a train station parking lot. People brought outdoor chairs, stayed six feet apart, and had a meal together. It was delightful to be together.
Some folks felt confined and were out and about far more than they would admit. My wife went to a gathering of friends and was shocked that it was not distanced and she was the only one masked. We talked about how we should handle these kinds of awkward, uncomfortable, and dangerous situations.
We spent a lot of time planning dinners. We had wine and cheese happy hours. We ordered from restaurants all over. We ate ice cream! We mastered Instacart, even if ordering was sometimes a laborious group project. We tried other grocery services, but their websites were problematic. We ordered from Jewel and couldn’t change an item when there was an error. We canceled that order and remade it – but both orders showed up! We never had more ice cream in our house then after this ginormous double order!
All of this eating meant that our dishwasher was working overtime. It died eventually and I became our dishwasher for weeks until we got a new one.
My daughter had not set a date for her return to D.C. At one point, it looked like she was going to be ordered to return to her office, but as the election approached, those plans were thankfully scraped. She decided to stay through July to help after her mother’s surgery.
Two former students married each other and we participated in their outdoor wedding shower – and it rained! A shower in a shower! Father’s Day was so hot that our celebration was cut short. The kids and I took the pup for walks along the lake.
The country seems to be struggling to stay safe. People were reluctant to take proper precautions. The COVID numbers were going up and more people were becoming ill, going to the hospital, or dying!
It was hot outside. We were cleaning the basement, vacuuming, dusting, and doing laundry. My wife watched all the new TV series. She was in constant contact with a long list of people, many of whom would drop by for distanced visits on our patio.
Since we didn’t want to linger in front of the greeting card section of a store, I started making my own, but we ordered a package of condolence cards.
It became clear that our daughter was going to make regular trips between D.C. and Chicago. Although her ten-year-old Prius was in good shape, it lacked the safety features of newer cars. So we shopped for a replacement. By the end of the summer, she was driving a car that was as safe as any on the road: another red Prius!
Going to get my car’s emissions checked felt normal, but my medical visits felt frightening. There were fewer sports on TV, but my family was still watching the Cubs. I no longer wore a watch. Taking a single journey in the car was unusual. Taking more than one was outrageous. We watched Hamilton on TV! We huddled in the basement during a big summer storm. We played Wingspan!
I returned to the hospital the next day and brought her home – along with pizzas from Uno’s! It was quickly clear early that this surgery went much better than one in February. She started taking short walks. She joined Quinn on the morning dog walks. We had follow-up visits with the surgeon. She was doing wonderfully! It also helped that she had three nurses helping her recover. By the end of the summer, my wife was walking pain-free!
The World Science Fiction Convention was held virtually from Wellington, New Zealand. Our plans to get out of the Chicago winter vanished and we canceled our trip. I was able to get a refund for our flights. My wife hoped we could take a warm-weather winter retreat. I hoped she was right. She wasn’t. I went to a gala event for a local theatre and got to Zoom with Gates McFadden, Dr. Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation!
As September approached, our friends at Deerfield High School prepared for remote classes. I called all my Confirmation Class families to talk about the coming Sunday School year.
High Holidays were approaching and the rabbi asked if the kids would like to read. All the readings were recorded, so the three of us dressed up and read for the camera.
My son got his flu shot. My daughter promised to get hers when she got back. We went to a forest area and had a lovely picnic before their departure. I had to stay in the moment and enjoy being together rather than worry about what the future held. I didn’t want to miss my kids until they were actually away.
They shipped some things to D.C. and stuffed the new car. Neighbors came over to wish the kids (and the dog) a good journey and brought gifts, drawings, and even cheese for the dog! Then, on a rainy Saturday morning, they drove east. My daughter had been home for 105 days! They drove to Pittsburgh and visited Quinn’s best friend before getting back to D.C. on the Sunday before Labor Day. And the toilet in her apartment was broken when they arrived!
Our dear friends’ daughter was married on the same day. We watched the wedding online. The house was quiet and, soon, extremely clean. We took longer walks. My wife went to physical therapy and eventually started yoga! In October, she had the last surgeon check-up via telehealth. She was finally feeling better!
Sunday School began at a nearby park. We stayed distanced, wore masks, and sat in outdoor chairs. It was nice to be in the same space with the students. The weather cooperated. Class with masks is a challenge. Kids struggled to speak up, so I made mini-megaphones so our soft speakers could be heard.
Signs of COVID were all around. Our niece got it. Several neighbors got it. It wasn’t just out there.
We attended a distanced gathering of my former department. It was great to see people and hear about school. They were working harder than ever. Friends had babies and we shared their joy by sending gifts. We went to our Loyola class and another classmate got COVID! My daughter struggled to register her new car in DC.
High Holidays arrived and Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg died moments before the first service. Fortunately, services were wonderful and, despite being distanced, connected us to our congregation and the larger Jewish world. We even had Zoom gatherings after each service. I played schmooze director.
Missing the kids was no longer a punch in the gut but was still a strong pull. They had not lived together recently except on vacations. They were doing well and helping each other. We talked daily. I cared about the substance of the conversations, but just hearing their voices or seeing their faces was the important part.
Summer turned to fall, but the weather was still delightful. We moved toward the election and worried about the country and the appalling things that people said and did. We learned some terrible truths about many people. It was another kind of loss.
We went to the school’s outstanding fall plays! My wife got her hair cut, but I would not. We continued to walk the neighborhood and enjoyed other people’s dogs. We had dinner outside with my parents. I continued to be their technical support.
We cleaned the basement and discovered old documents and scanned them. We got into a routine of monthly contributions to charities. We always gave to several food banks as well as groups that helped with critical services or worked for social justice.
Friends of many years moved from the neighborhood. We had lovely dinners with neighbors and friends, even as we dressed more warmly. Sunday School in the park became cooler and we eventually moved to Zoom.
I reached out to people and encouraged them to vote. The president and much of his circle got COVID! It didn’t seem to matter. My cousin became a grandmother for the third time. We hadn’t seen her kids during the entire pregnancy! We cut down a dying tree in our backyard. I created our holiday card. I went to a friend’s barbershop concert online!
We got our mail-in ballots. I researched judges and other offices. The first presidential debate was not presidential at all! It was shocking and awful!
October 19 was our 500th day of retirement. I celebrated by dropping off our ballots at the township center. I attended a virtual Star Trek campaign fundraising event. I learned that Stacy Abrams is an avid and very knowledgeable fan! Mayor Pete is also a Trekker, and Andrew Yang was no Trek slouch!
I listened to a friend’s concert in Tel Aviv, went to an outdoor distance Sukkot service, and attended too many online shivas. We got our flu shots. Our neighbor’s cars were robbed in their driveway. The school put fake coyotes in the fields that scared away geese and freaked out neighbors. The congregation did another distanced tailgate party; it was much chillier than the first. The wonderful DHS Friends of the Arts hosted Facebook live showoff showcases that let us see what kids and teachers were doing.
My daughter sent photos of the dog (and her brother) in D.C. We longed to be closer to them. Our son started to pursue job possibilities and continued to have several information interviews each day. The coming election contributed to our daughter’s intense workload!
I read book after book, listened to podcasts on my solo walks, and watched TV shows as I worked out in the morning. We took walks in forest preserves around Lake County.
We celebrated my wife’s birthday with food from all over the area. The kids called. I made a card. A few days later, we had a neighborhood-wide Halloween celebration. More children came to our house than ever. We put candy on a table at the end of our driveway and stood at a distance. Kids and their parents paraded down the streets. It was so nice to see everyone, even if it was through a mask and far away.
As we moved toward November, the election, and the end of the year, we still savored the summer. We were so grateful for a summer with our children, even in the shadow of COVID. Would they come home again? What would the end of the year hold? Our worries warred with our hopes.
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