But you don’t have to take it! You don’t have to stand idly by and let yourself be abused, misused, and confused. I am here to open your eyes, clean out your ears, and purify your mind! You always suspected these things, am I right? It all didn’t really make sense, did it? You knew that in your secret inner heart! You knew that this country was meant to be another way. I am here to take your hand and lead you to that better way, a righteous way, the way the founders meant it to be!
I know what you read in the papers. I know what you see on the screens. Those lewd, filthy, and obscene lies should be banned! Yes, they should! How these reporters go home to their families and sleep at night is beyond me! They should be racked with guilt and contempt! They’ve been fooling you – and they know it!
You can’t trust them, but you can trust me! I’m telling it like it is and you are discerning and wise and can tell the difference between me and those money-hungry purveyors of poppycock! Our country is in danger! Our country is under attack! You knew it, didn’t you! Down in your bones in the pit of your stomach, you knew bad things were happening. Why wasn’t anyone ringing the bell? Where were the people who should stop this? They are the problem, my friends! They made this mess and they love it!
It is up to us! Yes, you and me! Ordinary, moral, and upstanding citizens to take back our country. Take it back from those who would sell it out to every pauper and lazybones, every criminal and crook, every blasphemer and heretic! They are turning our clean country into a dirty dump of dung! Stand against them, friends! Stand with me!
They’ll say you have to change the way you speak and use different words so not to hurt anyone’s feelings. They’ll tell you we should teach our kids history that is best forgotten. Well, it is not okay! I can say what I want to say the way I want to say it and so can you! I can teach my kids history the way I want it!
When you pull back the curtain, friends, what you see in the dark is frightening and disgusting. It is cosmically horrible! The men behind the curtain, the people who are pulling the strings, are quietly and quickly turning us into their chumps and dupes, yes they are! You suspected there was a secret group making all this happen – and you’re right! I am here to reveal that secret! I am here to put light on the people running the show!
They think you’re stupid! They think you will believe what any powerful person tells you because it comes from them! We know they have it wrong! They think if they give you some sexy candy, you’ll melt in their hands, but you are tougher than that! They think if they drum up some scary story of sickness, you’ll cower in the corner and put your head in a bag, but they have it all wrong! They can’t get you to shoot yourself full of their lies! No way! You’ll shoot yourself and everyone else before you’ll ever fall for such two-cent stage foolery!
No, they can’t make a fool of you! They may make all sorts of claims! They may say they are Jewish; they may say they are rich; they may say they helped puppies and vets and orphans and royalty, but you know it for what it is: a pack of lies! Don’t say hooray! Don’t back away! Just say no to their evil ways!
I stand with you, my friends! You won’t have to worry in the bathroom, bedroom, or boardroom! They want to tax the rich to feed the poor, but I say every man for himself! Fair is fair and right is right and I won’t pay for others’ problems! Hell (sorry for the strong language), you shouldn’t even have to pay for your own problems, should you? No, you shouldn’t because you didn’t make those problems. You aren’t to blame, no way, no how. You are blameless and pure as the driven snow and no one has a right to say otherwise!
I’m a humble man, yes, I am. I didn’t have much schooling, but I didn’t need it and neither do you! I may not know much, but I am wise enough to see the way things are going and know they are moving in the wrong direction! You are right to be alarmed and angry!
Every minute, my friends, every second, we are sinking deeper into muck and mayhem. As the hands of the clock fly around, we are dragged down, my friends, further and farther. There is only one way back! There is only one way back to our glory, our grandeur, our God-given greatness that we will not let them destroy!
So stand with me, my friends! Give me your money! Give me your minds! Give me your votes! Give me everything you have! Because, every minute, I’ll give you what you deserve!
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