May I Talk To The Younger You?

Dear Distant Friend, 

While our connection has not been that strong recently, know that I pay attention to your posts on social media and your comments elsewhere. I am thinking of you and wishing you well. 

I don’t know the present you that well. I knew an older version. It is that person in the past, that child, that young adult, to whom I’d like to talk today. May I? Would you put that earlier you on the line? 

My memories of you as a young person are clear. I found you likable and engaging. More than that, I recall that you had strong feelings. You fought against unfairness! You complained about teachers or other adults who didn’t treat kids well. Your cry of “that’s not fair” was far more than most people your age. Sometimes, you would stand up for someone and, I could tell, sometimes the price was too high. You wanted to come to their defense, but couldn’t. 

You really got upset if you thought people were not being truthful or entirely truthful to you – especially adults you trusted. I remember that you struggled when you wanted to defend a friend who got in trouble for lying, but you were also angry with them. You knew that truth and trust go hand and hand. You did not desire trust so much that you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of like other kids, who just went along with the crowd. If you didn’t feel safe, if you didn’t trust, if you didn’t believe you were being told the truth, you went your own way. I admired that about you and tried to be that way myself. 

Our friends are reflections of ourselves. I remember hearing about how you did some friendship reorganization. Did I get that term from you? Did you coin that? Was it in music class where you sang a song that said, “a man is judged by the company he keeps?” You struggled to find friends who treated you well; who would be the same with you when it was just the two of you as they would be after school or on the bus. 

And as you were going through that friendquake, I saw the kind, compassionate, and empathetic side of you. Is that part of you still there? I hope it is. I remember how you reached out to folks who needed a hand. How you did little things that were gentle and thoughtful for both your peers and others. I knew that you cared if I wasn’t feeling good or if someone was struggling or hurting. You didn’t make a show of it, and I am sure some people might have missed it, but it caught my attention when you showed it to me. Your empathy, on an occasion that I still find painful, was something I still treasure and is one of my strongest links to you. 

The reason I am writing to your younger self is that I need those aspects of you now. I need the strengths you developed long before many of the rest of us did. Frankly, all of us need you now. We need people who value truth and trust, want strong and steady friends, are kind, compassionate, and thoughtful. I want to live in a world, in a country, of people like you, who have strong values and really live them out. We need people who aren’t selfish but give to others; we need people who demand the truth and then act on it. We need people who want fair and honest dealings for everyone! 

I don’t know if that younger self can write me back. Is that an unfair request? I am just asking for a glimpse, a moment, or even a reawakening of the parts of you that drew me to you so long again when you were young and I was - younger. 

We are living in an unsteady world. We are experiencing a civilization-quake. The company we keep, the choices we make, the values we hold will determine whether we grow and thrive, or get sick and fall apart. 

I still trust that younger you. I hold that younger you close to my heart especially this coming week, this election. 

Thank that person for me. Thank you for being that person and thank you for reading this too long letter. I needed to write it to remind myself that people like you are out there. 

My resolve is back. I know what I must do. 

Thank you for guiding me there, 

Your Friend 

Reading For Treasure: Before The Election:

Reading for Treasure is my list of articles (and other readings) that are worth your attention. Click here for an introduction!

How can we tell what is “real” or “fake” news? For most of us, our social media feed is primarily populated with opinions similar to ours. Wired’s article, “How to Break Out of Your Social Media Echo Chamber” provides some good suggestions about how to change our use of Facebook, Twitter, and other online sources so we can get a more balanced and complete picture of our world – not just a confirmation of what someone thinks we want to hear.

A second Wired article explores the problem of fake news, specifically the use of deep fake videos. How can we recognize news sources designed to fool us? Maybe, “America Needs A Ministry of Truth.” The author explains that this is not going to be the same as the one in Orwell’s 1984, but more along the lines of the EPA, FDA, or other agencies that protect the public. As I read this, I thought about a media Underwriters Laboratory; an independent agency that puts their stamp of approval on information. Regardless, we are soon going to need help separating the fact from deep fake.

The great scientist Carl Sagan wrote about “The Fine Art of Baloney Detection” and provided some very specific advice in his book, The Demon-Haunted World. His route to critical thinking has been the subject of several articles, including “The Baloney Detection Kit: Carl Sagan’s Rules for Bullshit-Busting and Critical Thinking” from brainpickings. The article summarizes his rules and provides Sagan’s take on logical fallacies as well. If you are interested, here is the complete chapter of the book.

While a lawn sign may tell which of your neighbors supports which candidates, Lifehacker provides us with tools that let us “See Who Has Donated to a Political Campaign With These Tools.” If we want to avoid the echo chamber or make certain that a source is being sincere in support, it might be good to know if they put their money there, too.

Two articles answer the question I hear a great deal, “how could THEY believe this stuff?” Medium’s “Why Your Christian Friends and Family Members Are So Easily Fooled By Conspiracy Theories” and the Independent’s “I grew up in rural, small-town America – and I can tell you the real reason why people love Donald Trump.” While not entirely unbiased, they do give a glimpse into these specific points of view.

The Washington Post recommends, “Stop fretting about Trump and do something about it. Right now.” This article is good advice regardless of your political leanings. It is basically a guide to how to check your voter registration and make sure you can vote - and get others to vote!

I am currently reading The Regional Office is Under Attack by Manuel Gonzales.

Vote with Integrity

Recent events have made me think about integrity. Merriam-Webster provides three definitions:

 

1. firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values: incorruptibility.

2. an unimpaired condition: soundness.

3. the quality or state of being complete and undivided: completeness

 

Do I do this? Am I a person of integrity?

 

Can I articulate the code that guides my behavior? Is it an external code, like the Ten Commandments, the Constitution, or some other written set of rules? Have I created my own set of values by which I evaluate my choices?  One can’t be incorruptible if there is nothing to corrupt! What are my guiding values and where do they come from?

 

Is my condition sound? Is my behavior “free from flaw, defect, or decay?” Is it “solid,” “firm,”  “secure,” and “stable?” Do I work to make sure my decisions are “free from error, fallacy, or misapprehension?” Are they “based on thorough knowledge and experience” and “legally” and “logically valid?” Do I show sound and “good judgment or sense?”

 

Am I complete? Is my integrity complete? Do I have all the information and “necessary parts, elements, or steps?” I am being “thorough,” and “proficient?”

Who are people of integrity? How do I know?

 

Some people say one thing and then do another. We call them hypocrites. Others say one thing and then renounce their values when they are no longer convenient or easy. We call them opportunists. Others discard their values when they stand in the way of material or political goals. You probably know what they might be called.  

 

Yet, it can be appropriate to alter one’s values. Can that be done without compromising one’s integrity? We learn. We grow. We change with condition and time. The rules that guided us at four, fourteen, or forty are different. We should not be so rigid or simple to think that the same set of rules will always guide our choices.

 

Or should we? The Ten Commandments don’t change. Perhaps some of our values are unchanging and others need to adapt to current circumstances. How do we know the difference?

 

Does integrity have some basic foundational precepts? Are there some straightforward and direct values that we may bind to our hands, heads, and hearts?

Try these on for a start:  

• Tell the whole truth; be honest.

• Keep your promises and fulfill your obligations.

• Do no harm to others in tangible or intangible ways.

• Actively help those in need.

• Nurture children; support elders.

• Work with other people collaboratively and with their consent.

There are some tools that are necessary to “adhere” to a “code” and remain “sound.”

• I must be able to think critically and reason logically and dispassionately.

• I must be able to tell truth from falsehood –and fact from opinion.

• I must be aware of my desires and how they might affect my thinking and feeling.

• I must listen to others and be able to accept and understand their points of view. 

• I must be able to evaluate others’ points of view dispassionately and with as little bias as possible. I must be aware of that bias and its effects.

• My emotions and my reason must be in concert. While I may have a “gut” feeling, I must pair such feelings with consideration.

• I must acknowledge my own fallibility and own my mistakes when I inevitably make them – and then work to correct them!

Integrity is an active process and more than a state of being. It is a worthy goal. As we go to the ballot box, let us be voters and citizens of integrity.

When You Vote...

When you vote, don’t be a single-issue voter. The selection of a president of the United States is far too important and complex to be made by a single measure. Instead, please consider the following. 

When you vote: 

Think of this as a hiring decision. Which candidate would you want in your organization? Which one would you trust to run your business? How do you choose a person to join your department or company? If these were the final choices, which one would you offer the job? 

Imagine your child was marrying into this person’s family. Which one would you want as a possible new in-law? Which one would best treat your child well, as they enter the new family? 

Think about those who are unfortunate and in difficult circumstances. Think about those whose lives are on the edge and in jeopardy. Which of these people will do the most to help these people? Which of these people can you trust to protect the weakest and most vulnerable among us? 

Imagine you will be this person’s boss and you will be held to account for their actions. Which candidate is likely to make you proud? Which one is more likely to embarrass or disappoint you? If you were to be blamed for this person’s actions, which one would be more likely to cause you grief, pain, or problems? 

Think about your parents as they age and the needs of our increasing older population. Which of these candidates understands the struggles and challenges of aging in America. Which one understands what it means to care for older adults? 

Think about our children and their wellbeing. There is nothing more important than the investment we make in our kids – all of our kids. Which person will set the standard and be the example we want our children to follow? Which will protect and educate them?

Think about our environment. Last year was the second warmest year on record. We had floods, earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes, wildfires, droughts, and an increasing number of natural disasters. Which of these people will work toward healing our planet? 

Consider the candidate’s morals and ethics? Which of these people do you trust more? Who behaves in a way that is more honest, forthright, and just? Who demonstrates integrity? 

Consider the idea that this person must serve everyone, even those who didn’t vote for him. Can this person do this? Could this person be everyone’s president? Can this person bring us together? 

When you vote, you are all alone and no one will know for whom you voted. You could say, &*#$ it all, I am going to vote out of anger. Or you can think about what is most critical and important to you and to all of us, and vote your heart and your head. 

Your vote is a reflection of you. What are you voting for?  

Our Communities Need Us: Fulfilling Our Duty To Each Other

Dear Neighbors and Friends (near and far), 

To call this a difficult time feels like gross understatement. We are confused. We are angry. We are scared. Given the crises we are experiencing, these are normal and natural responses. What do we do with them? How do we cope? How do we help each other, and what do we do to bring our communities back to equilibrium? 

People are in pain. They are suffering physically, emotionally, and economically. Many have lost people dear to them. We cannot and should not wave away their grief. We must do what good friends, family, and neighbors have always done:  bring comfort, assistance, and the balm of companionship – even at a distance. 

No one is immune to the complex crises facing our communities. The multiple pieces of this storm have affected everyone, regardless of age, race, wealth, location, or other factors. None of us have superpowers, though we may wish we did. 

So what do we do? How can we work together to help each other and ourselves? That is the goal, right? That is the point of community. If we needed no one else, we could live by ourselves on an island. We are part of a greater interdependent whole: our communities. They give to us and we contribute to them. It is a mutually beneficial relationship  - at least most of the time. 

Sometimes, however, we are at odds with members of our communities. We disagree. We see the balance between giving and taking differently. We advocate for diverse priorities. If these differences are large enough, they may be transformative: they alter the fabric of our shared relationship. 

When in conflict, it can be tempting to simplify the disagreement: It is us or them, our way or their way, one or two, up or down. When we are highly invested in our communities and our positions, it can be very difficult to listen, arrive at compromise, and separate our feelings of ego and ownership from our thoughts about what is best for our community. Our strong feelings cloud our better judgment. Our communities are very important, as they should be, but we fear losing face, being wrong, seeming weak, or letting people down. Sometimes, we are angry and hurt. 

We must remind ourselves of what is most important about our communities and why they exist. When we demonize others because they take different positions, we need to remember our common objectives. 

What are they? Let’s take some of them out and use them to put our disagreements in perspective: 

Some of the reasons we sustain our communities are to: 

• Ensure the safety and well being of all, but especially those who cannot ensure their own. 
• Create resources that are valuable to most if not all of us, but so complex that we could not create them by ourselves (i.e. fire protection, hospitals, electrical grids, etc.). 
• Deal with traumatic or catastrophic threats that would overwhelm us individually. 
• Collaborate creatively to make our world a more pleasing and joyful place.   
• Collaborate economically and build shared resources that enhance the stability and comfort of our community. 
• Hold people to account and ensure that, if people’s behavior is detrimental to the community, there are ways to address and rectify it. 
• Protect and nurture our children and help them grow, learn, and mature. 
• Care for and honor our elders and ensure that they are protected and healthy. 
• Explore our community relationships and learn more about what communities mean to us. 

There are, of course, others as well. This list is not exhaustive. Feel free to leave comments with other reasons to maintain community. 

Being in a community means that we must let go of some of our individuality and individual control. We strike a balance between doing what is good for our families, communities, and what we would like to do just for ourselves. 

Small children are selfish. They cannot see this important difference. They won’t share toys, leave some of the cake for later, or give their parents quiet time to work at home. They are demanding and focused only on their own needs. Even if they have simple chores, they may chaff against doing them. They don’t recognize that they receive benefits from the family and also must learn to be an active contributor to it. 

We know people who are like this; they see only what the community gives them, should do for them, or should NOT do to them. The street only goes one way. Beyond these benefits, they want the community to allow them to eat all the dessert, stay up late, scream and yell whenever they want, and live by their own rules  - only. Toddlers can be tyrants, but so can taxpayers. 

In times of crisis, like now, it is easy to pull in our household borders and see only our immediate needs. We need toilet paper or cleanser, who cares if other people don’t have any. Who cares that our neighbors are being treated in ways that are demeaning, unjust, or dangerous if we are safe? 

More than ever, during a time when any of us can infect any of us unknowingly, we must prioritize the needs of the community.  We must listen and believe our neighbors of color and actively make our communities more equitable and just. We must unite as a community and a country to protect all of us. We must foster our connections to each other as much as we keep our households safe and healthy. 

Members of the military often talk about duty. We refer to serving on juries and voting as civic duties. If parents fail to properly take care of their children, it is criminal negligence. Our community needs us. It is our duty to care for it with the diligence that would devote to loved ones. We must balance our individual obligations with our obligations to our community and country. 

This cannot be accidental or incidental. This must be a conscious decision to do whatever we can do to make our communities safe, just, healthy, and peaceful:  

• Protect those who are struggling to keep themselves safe
• Strengthen our shared structures like hospitals and schools  (and the people who work at them)
• Comfort and assist those ailing, like the elderly and medically challenged. 
• Hold those whose behavior is racist, sexist, or prejudicial to account.
• Change structures in our community that benefit some at the expense of others.   
• Assist each other in realizing and living up to our communal duties.
• Protect and nurture all of our children.
• Help the community (both as a whole and as individuals) find joy and hope.

These are difficult goals during the best of times. They are never easy- and they have never been more important than right now. 

We must unite around fulfilling our duties to our community. We must find new balances between our own needs and what will benefit all of us. 

If we do not do this, our communities will become sick and die – and take us with them. 

Reading for Treasure: Voting Questions Answered - How to Get Your Ballot Counted!

Reading for Treasure is my list of articles (and other readings) that are worth your attention. Click here for an introduction!

It is critically important that all eligible voters get to the polls this year. There are many ways to cast your ballot. These articles answer almost all of the questions about how to vote, where to vote, when to vote, and even how to get reliable and credible information to make a good decision.  

 

 

How to Vote in the 2020 Election from FiveThirtyEight has specific instructions about all aspects of voting: registration, timing, in-person voting, absentee and mail-in voting, and more.

 

NewsOne provides a good guide on Voting During The Pandemic: What You Should Know About Coronavirus And Casting Ballots.

 

Three Lifehacker articles cover important and very basic voting information:

 

How to Register to Vote from Lifehacker is a good starting place to not only register but to check to see if you are already registered! Some states allow you to register online or by mail, too!

 

How to Vote By Mail from Lifehacker covers registering to vote, absentee ballots and mail-in voting with some additional very useful links.

 

How To Submit Your Mail-In Ballot Without Using the USPS from Lifehacker gives you many options for casting your mail-in ballot. 

 

How to Protect Yourself From Covid-19 While Casting Your Ballot from CNN gives tips on what to do if you are going to the polling place.

 

How to Prevent Your Mail Ballot From Being Rejected from the Washington Post clearly outlines the steps you must take to ensure your vote is counted!

 

How to Find Credible Information About the Election (and Avoid Getting Duped) from Commonsense Media, although written for younger and first-time voters, reminds us of proven strategies for analyzing the veracity of our news sources. The links in this article are worth the read by themselves! This article is a master class in fact-checking!

Currently, I am reading The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers

Staying Positive about the Promise and Peril of the New School Year

Remember lining up at the school door for the first day of school? Remember the thrill of finding out who was in your class and who would be your teacher? After the bell rang, remember running to find your new locker, unloading the boxes of crayons, smocks, sharpened pencils in spiffy cases, putting fresh binders into your desk, and presenting yourself to your new teacher with a big box of tissues. The room was bright, cheerful, and greeted you warmly. You worried about making a good impression on both your classmates and teachers. You wanted this year to be the best year ever! You had been perseverating about this first day for weeks, planning outfits, spreading rumors, peeking in windows, and pinning hopes on friendships and scholarship.

 

On the first day of classes as a teacher, I was beyond anxious. I wanted that first impression, that first class session to set the perfect tone and make every child feel welcome, excited, and joyful about our journey together. I wanted to learn everyone’s name and all about them! I want them to know that this would indeed be the best year ever!

 

How difficult it must be to muster up that kind of enthusiasm this year. How much work must it take for teachers to make a computer as welcoming and warm as a classroom? Turning on a computer cannot compare to the smell of freshly waxed floors and the din of kids in hallways. Six feet and social distance can create a chasm that will take labor to bridge.  How do we discover the real people behind the masks when we never get to see a smile in person?

 

We must! We can! Parents, teachers, administrators, counselors, social workers, and all the adults in children’s lives must join together to help students discover the deeply buried joy in learning this year. It is a mammoth undertaking fighting the fear and anger, the feelings of being abandoned and betrayed, and the overwhelming wish for our old normal routine.

 

I don’t know if that school is coming back, but it is not coming back soon. School staff and parents have been pushed to the frontlines of a battle that politicians have fought with only wishes and promises.

 

Yet, here we are – on our computers, trapped in our homes, alone in our classrooms and offices, in reconfigured spaces that feel alien and cold. We have been given a few weeks to prepare. We have been threatened and bullied. We have been asked to recreate symphonies with sticks.

 

We must trust our teachers and other school staff members to do right by kids. That is why they are there. They, too, must juggle their own family needs as we return to school.

 

We must help children rediscover the joy of learning. We must partner with their teachers and school staff and find creative ways to help them sustain engagement with school.

We must partner with parents and the community and try to find ways to balance the many pressing and important pieces of our lives beyond the schoolhouse. We must not sacrifice some for others.

 

To everyone who is going back to the classroom, campus, school, or center, may this school year bring you joy and connection. Despite the distance, may your students, teachers, colleagues, and friends help you learn, grow, and discover the best in yourself and the best in them. Despite the fear and anger, may your community wrap you in protection and health. Despite the challenges, may the new school year reaffirm your noblest goals and passions, and may it transform you and therefore transform the world.