When The Kids Are Away, Dad Misses Them

Soon, I will drive to Michigan to pick up my children. About four weeks ago, my daughter left for overnight camp. A few days later, my son joined her. Tonight, I sit in a very quiet house. Since my wife and I are both educators, when our children are away, we have long days of freedom. It is lovely and we enjoy it. We often spend part of these weeks traveling. Or when we are at home, we try catch up on movies, reading, and finding those wonderful restaurants that don’t serve the orange food that my son requires.

Yet, there is another side to my children’s absence. I do my best not to be one of “those” parents who hover and protect, enable and smother. I work against those instincts when I am aware of them. I think it is important that my children have time away from their home and parents. But I miss them. I really, really miss them.

I love the time my wife and I get to spend alone while they are gone. We usually take an annual “honeymoon” and, while we are away, it seems fair. They are on vacation and we are on vacation. We communicate with our children the old fashion way by the written word. Of course, no matter where we are, we scourer the camp website for their photographs. As long as I am distracted by a novel location and the thrill of new sights, I can fend off the longing for my kids.

But we don’t stay away as long as they are at camp. Yes, I throw myself into work. I prepare lesson plans and get the first two or three (or four) weeks of handouts copied and organized. I decorate my classroom and get ready for the start of another school year. I focus on the children who will enter my classroom and it distracts me from thoughts about my own children.

My son writes us micro-letters from camp. They are a few sentences long and communicate feeling far more than fact. Between his letters and the photos, we get a blurry view of his camp experience. My daughter, however, is a CIT, a counselor in training. She calls us periodically. She tells us about her campers, how the counselors are treating her, what happened during the day. I just listen and restrain my desire to give too much advice. Fortunately, I cannot call her. She must call me.

Recently, a friend’s Facebook status was that he was missing his kids because they were with his ex-wife for the weekend. Since my kids just left for camp, I understood his statement in a new way. I winced, thinking about a system that would make me feel this way every week or month.

Then, another thought occurred to me: college! My daughter is only two years away from leaving the nest for more than four weeks. Oh, yes, but I will not be limited to letters or one way calling. I can call whenever I want or email or send a Facebook message or…uh-oh.

So perhaps the upside of this separation is that is helping all of us see our relationships anew. It is providing us with needed distance and independence. No matter how much you love each other, some time apart is healthy. I must stop writing this blog entry now because I need to get to the camp website. It is my daily fix of my children and I really need it!