The College Search With Child Number Two: Second Verse, Not Like the First

A friend of mine says that second time parents are the most dangerous: they think they know what they are doing. Perhaps it is similar when children grow up and look for colleges. It seems like everyone is an expert. If you went to college, you are familiar with every college. Even though you applied to college thirty or more years ago, you can advise anyone. You have a child in college? You know it all!

It is evident to me that I do not know it all. I have visited dozens of college campuses, and talked to many admissions representatives. I work very hard to stay current on the college essay process. Yet, I am learning anew as I go through the college selection process with my younger child.

It helps that I am married to a high school guidance counselor, who is an expert on colleges and the planning process. However, the second time around is very different than the first. Our elder child had a clear direction when we began the process (even though that direction changed). She was outspoken about her observations and reactions to what she saw on campuses. Our younger has answered every question with the same three words: "I don't know." 

What do you think you might study? Could you see yourself on this campus? Would you like to be near a city? What is important to have on campus? Would you like to be close to or far from home?

“I don't know.”

I don't know if he just isn't ready to participate in this process or perhaps he is in college denial. So far, we have visited two big state schools, and walked around a third. We have taken tours at a mid-sized state school, a small liberal arts school, and a mid-sized private school - and walked around one more. I'd like the punch line here to be - and my child is only seven years old, but he is almost seventeen! 

Like teaching and parenting, it is critical to tailor the process to the child. What worked for one, may not work for another. While my elder may be have been ready to critically evaluate colleges for fit, the younger has asserted that he thinks he might fit anywhere. 

He might be correct, and a muumuu might work to keep him covered; yet I don't think a big dress would be the best choice for school clothing. Yes, he is not fussy, but this might be because he has not yet developed (or chosen) any preferences. It is my hope that, as he visits schools, some things will become more important to him.

I can hear some of my friends (and perhaps family) saying, "Then back off! He isn't ready! You have time!" He may be a year away from actually applying to college, but I think we'll need that time for him to determine what is important to him.  

Picking a college has weight. When families are not thoughtful about college selection, students often pay the price and encounter problems during their freshman years. Our goal by starting the planning early is to prevent this. The more college experiences our child has, the better able he is to make a choice that is the best possible fit.  Is that my rationale or my rationalization?  

College can be a scary change for students. It is certainly scary for me. I am not ready for my son to go away to school. Fortunately, I, too, have a little while before that happens. For me, this process is about getting ready for that step - and all of us are going to need time to make the transition.