Graduating to the Empty Nest

Our school parent organization hosts a special dinner for parents whose last child is graduating from the high school. Recently, it was my turn to attend.

This year has been a string of lasts: the last open house, homecoming, musical, concert, play, and now: graduation. This past week was a series of landmarks: the last day of classes, honors night, choral awards, theatre night, and soon, the big event itself.

My daughter entered high school in 2008. She graduated in 2012 and her brother took her place. His graduation means that my wife and I will be empty-nesters at home and at school. While we will attend concerts, plays, and events, I’ll leave my camera at home. We’ll only see the theatre productions once.

Life will be different.

When my daughter graduated college, she came home for the summer and then moved to Boston for graduate school. The pattern was the same even if the details were different. But that pattern is gone forever. It is unlikely that we will have another summer with the four of us at home. Even though my son will be home until late August, his job will keep him out of the house in the day, and his friends will most likely occupy much of his free time. He will teach us how to live with his empty room, just as we have grown accustomed to his sister’s absence.

I have never been good at letting go, and I don’t really want to let go now. I have loved being a father, and while my children’s launching doesn’t make me less of a father, it means I am more a long distance dad instead of the father on the line. I like being the father on the line.

I love being the teacher on the line, too. This graduation means saying farewell to students some of whom I have known since they were in elementary school. I will deeply miss my son’s classmates. Many were my students or we shared homeroom, advisory, or another activity. Although new students will fill the chairs in my classes next year, the class of 2016 has spoiled me and I am working hard to lower my expectations for the classes to come.  I am going to be pining for my former students next fall.

Right now, I am simply wishing that all of them, my own child and his wonderful friends, could do it again. I offered to home college my son, but for some reason, he didn’t take me up on it.

My son will come home once in a while. Most of his classmates I will never see again. I will bump into some throughout the years. Through Facebook or email, I will keep in touch with a few. Because they are my child’s class, I have a better chance of hearing about them through him. But graduation is the big goodbye for most of us.

My camera is out and I am capturing all these last events. I am dreading them because of their finality, but I want to enjoy and celebrate these special milestones. I am trying to negotiate both. 

Each year, I want to hang on to my students. I take photos, write cards, and try to capture the specialness of the moment. I am always partially successful. We leave an indelible mark on each other. But such marks fade.

I am so grateful that my son and his class have permitted me to share high school with them. I am so fortunate that, as a high school teacher, I got to play a unique role in my children’s lives at home and at school. I don’t want that to end. I am not sure what my new role looks like. The old role fit so well. 

So Class of 2016, bon voyage, mazel tov, and qapla’; I am looking forward to your new adventures and our new relationship – and I will miss you!