Until Then, We’re the Security System

Yes, we need gun control. We have needed it for decades. Since the Supreme Court says we can’t ban the weapons, perhaps we should ban the bullets or put high taxes on them and make them very expensive.  

I am pessimistic about Congress passing stricter gun laws. Outrage and anger is appropriate after horrors like the school shooting in Connecticut, the movie theatre shooting in Colorado, the Virginia Tech shooting, the Wisconsin temple shooting – you see the reason for my pessimism.

And while some schools (and shopping malls, movie theaters, and grocery stores) may create airport-like security check points, I am not sure that will be a viable or popular solution. I most certainly don’t want to see teachers (or anyone else) carrying weapons or armed guards outside of schools. The answer to gun violence is not more guns.

I have sent emails to my senators asking, point blank (pun intended), what they are going to do to prevent these events from happening. I have signed online petitions. Perhaps this time, it will be different.

Perhaps.

Until the political cost is high enough, our politicians won’t act. In the mean time, we need another approach. This issue is in our hands. How democratic.

So what do we do? First, we open our eyes and really see each other; we look beyond our boundaries and see the people with whom with share our communities. This doesn’t mean we become spies or snitches, quite the reverse. We reach out. We invite in. We ask, “What can I do to help?” and then we do it. Perhaps we do it before we ask.

As we walk the dog, ride the train, shop in the grocery store, or drop off our children at school, we greet people. We talk to people. We go beyond the superficial and connect. We reach across social lines and talk to new people. We build real and significant relationships and communities.

We can form alliances in our neighborhoods. We can take small and large political action. We can keep this issue from fading into the background until another terrible incident. For example, I wonder what would happen if the “buzz book” school directory had the option to put “weapon free” next to the listing for each home. What message would that send?

Granted, this people based security system is not perfect and will not completely protect our loved one. Neither will the doorbells, cameras, and locks on our children’s schools. This is a supplement. It is one more layer of coverage.

“But I do that! The people in Newtown probably did that, too! It didn’t help them! That isn’t enough.” True, it isn’t enough. We need a country where the mentally ill have better access to healthcare than they do to weapons, and where there is not only a human safety net but also a legal safety net to prevent catastrophes like these mass murders. Regulating or banning weapons would be a good start.  

In the meantime, we must rely on each other.  It is up to us. 

Ageless Apples

A student brought me an apple on my first day at Deerfield High School. It was not just any student. It was a senior varsity football player in my Beginning Acting class. I was twenty-two years old and the youngest teacher in the building. This young man was not only physically bigger than me, he was confident and comfortable. I was new and nervous.

I saved that apple. It sat on my desk and later I put it in a bell jar. I still have it.

Last week, I was at a restaurant with friends and that student stepped out of a booth. He looked at me and I looked at him. It was a wonderful moment. I remembered his name and he began to talk about our class. He remembered far more than I did. I was amazed. I was delighted. It was a marvelous moment and a beautiful gift.

Here we were, twenty-seven years later, talking about our experience together. We are only four years apart in age. His family was with him and much of mine was there. He wants visit his old high school and sit in on my theatre class. I hope he does.

I floated back to my table after our conversation. This is the gift that alumni give me. These brief glimpses into my students' post high school lives are special moments of memory and meaning. They may be the one of the best perks of being a teacher: seeing my students all grown up.

This is one of the reasons I enjoy Facebook. Although I often wish my students wouldn’t graduate, I know that is selfish. My job is help them develop skills so they don’t need me any more. Then they move on. That is how it should be.

But I miss them. I was walking down the hall and I saw a girl far away. For a moment, I thought it was a student from my homeroom. Then I realized she was at college. I had just hoped it was her.

After I left the restaurant, I went to a Shabbat service. One the congregants brought a guest: another former student! She is now a teacher and has children of her own. Twice in one evening, I got to touch the past by seeing the future.

Students stop visiting the high school when they graduate from college. It is rare to have older students visit. However, many of my former students are moving back to Deerfield with their spouses and children. Some are old enough to have kids in high school. It won’t be long until I have a former student’s child in class. That makes me feel old and really good.

I will not see a majority of my former students after they leave high school. I will bump into a handful. I will keep in touch with a few through Facebook or email. A small number have become friends. I have attended many of my former students’ weddings and other special events. I go out for coffee or a meal with several regularly. Most of them call me by my first name now.

The apple in the mason jar looks really ugly. It has not aged well. The kids, on the other hand, are ageless golden apples. They are worth keeping forever. I have faith that those I do not see are productive, happy, and making a difference. Seeing a few of them gives me hope for all of them. And I worry less. 

The Gift of You: My Deerprints Column

My grandmother was the only person I knew who sent a thank-you note for a thank-you note. I remember asking my father if I had to send a thank-you note for her thank-you note for my original thank-you note. But my grandmother knew what she was doing. She knew the importance of gratitude and courtesy, and she was skilled in the art of cultivating and maintaining relationships.

Many years ago, I was startled when a student said, “thank you” as she left our classroom. Usually, students were in the hall before the echo of the bell reverberated off the linoleum. “You’re welcome,” I replied, “and thank you, too!” It wasn’t the “thank you” that stuck with me. It was what it meant and the immediate effect it had on our relationship. It was only a little extra, but it was a special gift nonetheless.

Last spring, a colleague of mine and I spoke at the Shepard promotion ceremonies. Rather than give them lots of advice or brag about D.H.S., we decided to focus on one idea; we told the graduating eighth graders to say, “hi” in the halls. We advised them that building relationships, as much or more than building resumes, was what would make their high school careers meaningful and happy. The extra moment in the hall or classroom is a relationship changer.

In addition to planning for class, grading, going to meetings, and, of course, teaching, many educators spend hundreds of hours writing college recommendations. My wife writes about fifty to sixty letters a year! I write a handful. Of the hundreds of students whom we have helped with the college process, only a few ever acknowledge that effort. A few years ago, when I told parents, gathered at a fall parent meeting, that most students don’t even say the words, “thank you” to the teachers who have written their recommendations, there was an audible gasp.

Every May, I receive two or three emails from freshmen thanking me for my A Tale of Two Cities recordings. I save these emails. If you wrote one to me, I still have it. I have all of them. Want to see them? I have met some wonderful students because they took that little moment to send a note after finishing about eighteen hours of listening to me. I treasure these emails and the relationships they engender.

The theatre program at D.H.S. has a saying that expresses this idea well. They say, “The most important thing is the way we treat each other.” The smile or “hi” in the hall, the thank you at the end of class, the held door, or the quick acknowledgment are gifts we give each other. After all, we live together. We go to school together. We share this community. While we may not be family in the sense that I am not paying for your college tuition (well, I am paying for a select few), we work and learn together. We spend years together.

Our community is more than teachers and students. We build wonderful relationships with secretaries, custodians, teacher aides, security guards, technology staff, and many other people on our Deerfield journeys. They deserve thanks, too. We all have reason to sincerely thank each other. As my students know, I thank them at the end of every class period –and I mean it! When I say, “thank you for flying Freshman English,” (or whichever class it is), it is more than a dismissal. I treasure our time together and the relationships we form.

And I miss my students after they graduate. Many alumni become my friends on Facebook and I treasure each quick glimpse of their post-high school lives through pictures and comments. But my favorite gifts of the season are their visits before Thanksgiving and winter break. On my desk is a picture of my class of 2012 homeroom. I am hoping they stop by over the holidays. I just want to see them. I just want to know that everything is okay. I want to say, “thank you.”

Recently, I have been able to say, “thank you” to one of my teachers. We have been exchanging emails, and we are going to see each other when he comes to town in the summer.  My experience learning with him is one of the reasons I am in education. I am so grateful that I got to study with him and that we have renewed our relationship, a relationship that began in a classroom just like those at D.H.S.

Thanksgiving and the winter holidays are a good time to renew our relationships. This season is an opportunity to look at each other and affirm what we share. I like the holiday gifts that a few students drop off before winter break. Coffee cards and notepads are nice, but the real presents are the relationships.

Long after we have forgotten thesis or theme, formula or fact, we will remember the time we spent together. That is the real reason to celebrate this season. That is why it is so important to treat each other well. That is why “thank you” means so much. 

How To Write A Thank You Note

Saying, “thank you” is important. I have written about my concern that the act of saying, "thank you" is endangered. The thank you note and formally thanking people is another piece of gratitude that seems to be vanishing.

We don’t get many thank you notes any more. We receive them occasionally if my child goes to a bar or bat mitzvah or if we send a gift for a wedding or other special occasion.

Sending a thank you note or a thank you email should feel good to the recipient. It should be sincere gesture of gratitude. However, sometimes these notes seem obligatory and mechanical – and almost insulting.

What makes a strong or weak thank you note? First and foremost, it must be personal. It must be written to me! It should address me by a specific name that reflects the nature of our relationship. For most people, that would be my first name. For my students and formal relationships, it would be Mr. Hirsch. I am not a stickler for “Dear” as an opening. I am fine with “Hi” or “Hello” or just my name. The formality or informality should match the relationship and occasion.

The reason for the thank you note must be named – specifically! Yes, it is sometimes difficult to keep track of who gave what. What is the message in “thank you for your gift”?  This says that the writer doesn’t know what I gave, doesn’t care about it, or wrote a generic note.

I like to see a statement affirming our relationship in a thank you note. This may be as simple as, “It was so nice to see you” or “I miss our Tuesday nights together. Let’s make a date soon.” This is a way of saying that, although the thank you note is focused on whatever was given, the real gift is the bond between the sender and receiver.

Here is a little thank you note formula:

• An opening greeting that names the recipient in a relationally appropriate way
• Direct thank you for what was given, naming it specifically – without minimizing (no “this is just to say”).
• A statement about how the gift was valued, used, or is reflective of the relationship.
• An affirmation of the value of the relationship.
  
• A sincere salutation (it could be “sincerely,” “yours truly,” or even “love” for family)
• The name of the sender – often only the first name

Poor thank you notes are often one sentence and usually do not even name the gift:

Dear Hirsches,

Thank you for your gift and coming to my bar mitzvah

From,

Bullyragged Bar Mitvah Boy

Fair thank you notes have some of the parts and some of the feeling:

Dear Hirsches,

Thank you for the kitchenware. We love to cook.

It was good to see you at our wedding.

All the best,

Tired Couple

Great thank you notes are personal, complete, and make the sender feel good about giving the gift:

Dear Hirsches,

Thank you for the generous contribution in our honor.  We have all lost family members to cancer and your donation really made us think of our relatives and your Aunt Evey, too. We think of her often.

We hope we can get together when we are in town. It won’t be until summer this year but we’ll call you as soon as we know when we’re coming in. We love seeing you and your wonderful family.

May your donation help scientists find cures so we can all grow old together!

Stay happy and healthy,

Your Good Friends From Out of Town

It feels good to give a gift. It feels good to receive one. Expressing our sincere gratitude ties the two together. 

Six Values to Pick A President

We have to talk to each other about politics. Our goal need not be to convince but to converse. So here I go. I want to articulate some of  the values that guide my choices. If I were hiring a president or congressperson or other public official, what would I look for?

Some people are single-issue voters: the hot button makes the decision easy. This may be a specific issue or perhaps a religious or party affiliation. Some insist the candidate subscribe to an overarching philosophy. This is myopic and simplistic. It avoids difficult decision-making.

So how do I make my choice? Here are six values that guide my decisions:

1. Some call it waffling or inconsistency, I call it learning. Our political system is one built on consensus and compromise. I want representatives to be people who can listen and change, give and take. I worry about politicians who make it clear that it is their way or no way at all. That locks us down. It is arrogant; I am suspicious of people who are certain they own the truth with a capital T! I want candidates who believe there is a possibility they are wrong – and then admit it and change!

2. I look for professionalism and intelligence. I want a representative (or doctor or accountant or any other person who “works for me”) to be bright, articulate, and experienced. The idea that we should get rid of professional politicians confuses me. Unless we overhaul the entire system, that would only put our “newbie” at a disadvantage. I don’t want the person speaking for me to be clueless  – or a tool of the more experienced.  

3. I want a candidate who believes we are each other’s keepers. The strong should not be able to do whatever they want to the weak. It is our individual and communal responsibility to cultivate a just and fair society for all people, no matter what their demographics. I oppose the gang, bully, and mob. The majority should not have the ability to wipe out the rights of any minority.

4. I want a modern candidate. There is no turning back the clock. Time moves in one direction only and to wish it would stop or reverse is fantasy. I don’t want candidates who idealize the past. Evolution is just as much a theory as gravity. Any candidate who rejects this is living in the past.

5. My candidate needs to be more creative than combative. It is not enough to say that a policy or law is bad. I want someone who is actively and creatively exploring how to improve it. I don’t want someone who primarily says, “no.” Politicians must have constructive and realistic proposals.

6. It is not about taxes for me. While there may be a short dip down, in the long run, taxes only go one way: up. We have to pay for what we get. We may feel we are being overcharged or would like something that isn’t on the menu (or worry others are getting a better deal) but the money we pay in taxes is necessary. I am skeptical of candidates who promise to reduce my tax burden. To huff and puff about spending is to blow smoke at the real issues. It isn’t the taxes, it is what we do with them. I want candidates who talk about how to spend money rather than making promises about how they will reduce taxes.

Does this make clear for whom I am voting? Perhaps. Yet this is only a piece of my process. But it is a beginning to the dialogue. Let’s talk. 

Let's Talk Politics

It is uncomfortable to discuss the Presidential election with some of my friends. It is a sore subject. On Facebook, there is both serious and lighthearted commentary about political postings. It used to be that money, sex, and religion were the topics that polite people avoided. Now there is a fourth and it is not a good thing.

Party politics has come to resemble religion. Although I would never consider myself a person of “faith,” I am highly religious. But I do not see any politician as a god figure or any party as a church. These are human beings and human created institutions that, as far as I know, have not received the seal of approval from any deity. Yet our political discourse sounds like battling missionaries!

Why do I feel uncomfortable and awkward when the election is mentioned in certain company? Why do people sometimes preface their statements with, “Well, I’m sure you’ll disagree but…” when caution is thrown to the political wind and we briefly and painfully open the subject, only to be reminded by our spouses and friends that “we agreed not to talk about this!”

Why can’t we talk politics? Why is it friendship ending? Why do blood pressures and voices end up raised beyond a healthy level? What is going on here? I wrote last year about my concern that dialogue was dying in our government. Now I am concerned that it is dying around dinner tables and water coolers.

And the old excuse of, “You’re not going to change anyone’s mind anyway” is the fashionable rationalization. Instead of “ conversion,”  could we engage in a conversation that both brings us together and gives us greater understanding? It could be a positive process.

Let’s talk politics. Let’s talk about important issues that affect our families, communities, and nation! Let’s listen to each other. I am suggesting discussion and exploration not debate!

I don’t know everything. I don’t read all the news or follow all the fact checkers and pundits. I pick and choose. Bias from news sources is inevitable. I don’t believe anyone who says that, “the choice is obvious” because if that were true, I could talk about this issue with everyone and we’d all hug and smile. The issues aren’t simple, easy, or clear. And they certainly aren’t black and white. Oversimplifications do not foster good decisions and may be an unethical attempt at persuasion.

And we must have an ethical discussion: one in which we look at issues as fairly and factually as possible.  Can we do it with a computer nearby so we can look things up as we go along? Can we evaluate the information sources together?

It won’t be easy and it won’t be fast. Could that be the real reason we won’t talk? Is it we don’t want to take the time and energy such dialogue will require? We know we’re right and those idiots are wrong, so why waste the effort? Another rationalization that only keeps us apart and in the dark.

The more we refuse to talk to our friends, neighbors, and even family about these areas of disagreement, the wider the chasm grows and the more license we give politicians to do the same. I want progress in Washington! I want members of both parties to talk to each other and create solutions together! I don’t want a one party system! I don’t want a bully system that stomps out its opposition. Minority voices, be they the minority party, minority viewpoints, or minority groups are critical to 

Strike Out For Reform

A teacher strike is different than most other types of union job actions. Teachers are fundamentally different than most other unionized groups. The teacher strike in Chicago was as much for the benefit of the children as it was for the teachers themselves, maybe more so. And while the breakdown in communication and relations that causes a strike is never a good thing, the fact that teachers have come together to advocate for students and schools is critical to the health of our educational system.

No one goes into teaching for the money. While there may be a misguided few who think that children will worship them, prestige isn’t a perk of the job either. And don’t get me wrong, I love my summer break, but the hours and work the rest of the year more than balance out the time; most teachers are ten-month employees anyway. People don’t become teachers for summer vacation.

Given the state of education and the mistrust of teachers right now, there must be something really wrong with a person who wants to get in the middle of this mess – or that person is really dedicated. Why are we beating up the few who are willing to spend so much time, education, and effort to work with children? Why have they become the national scapegoat? And if we continue down this path, will others be foolish enough to become educators?

In the City of Chicago, class sizes vary between large and way too many. Most schools are not air-conditioned. Teachers are fighting poverty, violence, and a host of social ills. How can kids learn in those conditions?  

And then we are going to evaluate teachers and students based on standardized tests. We started using these types of high stake tests way back in the 1980s after the publication of A Nation at Risk. We have spent more than thirty years testing children and beating up teachers about the scores. And look at the wonderful changes such a policy has brought!

If you were ill and your doctor gave you medicine that didn’t help, would you take more of it? If your doctor kept increasing your dose and you felt even worse, what would you conclude? Of course! The medicine is aggravating the problem and we need a different approach. Why can’t policymakers think that way?

Do we build an entire reform system around the few teachers who are below par? What do we do if mass testing is not the answer? Our politicians have failed us. Charter schools and corporate education have created as many problems as they have solved. That is why teacher unions may be our best chance at real educational reform. That is why the Chicago teacher strike was so important.

As a teacher in the only non-union high school district in Illinois, I am not likely to strike. I work at one of the highest achieving and most affluent schools in the country. So I can sit back and let the politicians do what they want and it won’t affect my children or my school. Right?

Wrong. The way we treat teachers is wrong. The way we are using testing is wrong. The way we are approaching educational reform is more than flawed, it has become as much a problem as any of the social ills plaguing Chicago schools.

I salute the unions and hope that this strike will help turn our educational ship on a better heading. If not, education in the United States will continue to develop into a two-tiered system: one for those who can afford better and one for those lost in the tests. And who is going to want to teach or learn in the second system?