Facebook friendships are not the same as friendships in the real world. There are many ways to end a real world friendship. You can do it with a click on Facebook.
Facebook friendships don’t have any real costs. It is far easier than being a real friend. Of course, Facebook friendships can (and sometimes do) become more substantial relationships. However, it is my experience that the friends who will pick you up at the airport, cover your back, or rush to your rescue were that way without Facebook.
So if on the scale of friendship, Facebook friends are lighter weight, what does it matter if you lose a few friends or are rejected by some? If you have several hundred Facebook friends, who cares if one or two drop out or choose not to join your team?
Intellectually, that makes sense. However, if an old college classmate refuses my friendship, it makes me rethink our years together. If a friend disappears from my list, I wonder if I did something to offend. If a family member fails to approve my friendship request, I worry about our real world relationship.
If Facebook friendships are superficial, how light do they have to be before they are meaningless? While many people will not accept a friendship request from a stranger, many accept the request as long as there is some modicum of connection. My policy is I accept any request from anyone I know, even distantly, in the real world. See my post on bring a friend. However, if the connection is thin, I may start the person on limited profile so I can find out how my acquaintance behaves on Facebook. It costs me nothing to be accept the friendship, especially when my acceptance can be qualified. So why do I perseverate when sending a friendship request?
Because rejection hurts just like it did in the junior high lunchroom. Why did that person unfriend me but is still friends with our common friends? What did I do to offend that person? Why is that person friends with me in the real world but not on Facebook? What’s wrong with me?
I use a browser extension that monitors my Facebook friendship list. When I am unfriended or my friendship request is denied or, more passive aggressively, merely ignored, I feel like I did when I was the last one chosen for the team or told I couldn’t sit at a lunch table.
Is it better not to know? Should I turn off my browser extension and shut my eyes? I might feel better (until that person shows up on my feed). Is it possible that those who have unfriended me or refused to be my friends think that I don’t know?
I have come to the conclusion that our approach to Facebook friendship is a mini-mirror of our approach to relationships in general. I love hearing from my former students and, when one of them thinks I have done wrong, I want to make amends. I like seeing pictures of my family and, when one of them is angry with me, I want to work it out. I have never found that burying my head did anything but give me a mouth full of sand.
So I have landed on the policy that I do not unfriend. I may limit access or remove postings from my newsfeed. Likewise, if there is even a modicum of real world connection, I accept the friendship request. While it take only a click to be mean, I can certainly afford to be nice.
Update: Eric Zorn has a recent column on this subject. He suggests that people’s behavior would change if they knew that their former friends were aware of the unfriending. He also notes that he would care about these unfriendings.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
The Parent-Teacher Partnership
While teachers’ first responsibility is to their students, we spend a significant amount of time working with parents. Students are best served when their parents and teachers are partners working for the same goals. However, sometimes finding common goals can be challenging.
Recently, lauded teacher Ron Clark wrote a strongly worded column on CNN.com asking parents to work with, rather than against, teachers, administrators, and the educational system. He laments parents who make excuses for their children, treat teachers poorly, or refuse to hear anything but positive things about their children. He states that, “Today, new teachers remain in our profession an average of just 4.5 years, and many of them list ‘issues with parents’ as one of their reasons for throwing in the towel.”
My experience as a parent and a teacher supports Mr. Clark’s contentions. However, there is a surprising flipside: many parents are afraid of contacting teachers! As a parent, I have been shocked at some of the things that have happened in my children’s classrooms and stunned that no one has said a word! Likewise, I fully understand why some teachers would prefer to send an email or do nothing at all rather than directly speak to parents.
Once we have had a negative experience with a parent or teacher, we are less likely to reach out again. Once that teacher (or coach) has said to our child, “We don’t want your parents making a fuss again, so could you please tell them what we did today?” The parent is less likely to call any other school staff member. If a parent overlooks all the time, effort, patience, and care a teacher has given and refuses to acknowledge what that teacher sees in class, that teacher is less likely to pick up the phone and call any parent or guardian.
And the experience need not be first hand. Parent or teacher experiences spreads through the school and community. Teachers find out which families are difficult and parents know which teachers will take it out on the kids. The walls go up around these people and no one wants to deal with them.
Then there is the fatalistic factor. How many calls to the teacher or parent will it take to effect change? If calling the teacher or principal isn’t going to change anything, why bother? If calling the parent is only going to get you beat up, what’s the point? Parents and teachers can easily rationalize themselves out of talking to each other.
Increasingly, parents and school personnel have more communication vehicles. We have email and online grade books, websites and blogs, newsletters and social networks – and we still have difficulty talking to each other.
I have excellent conversations with the vast majority of parents. Most of the time, when I have contacted teachers, the response has been professional and appropriate. We are really talking about that not-so-apocryphal twenty percent.
Do teachers need additional training in communicating with students’ homes? Do parents need help learning how to partner with schools? Could we do this together? Almost every school has an organization that is called, in some form or fashion, a Parent-Teacher organization. But they aren’t. My experience has been the PTO is a mostly moms club.
It is time to leap over the walls between school and home. It is time to create ways to bring parents, students, and educators together for more than a crisis phone call or intervention meeting.
Mr. Clark’s column is asking for parent cooperation. I am asking for collaboration. It is not enough to be nice. It is not enough to be professional. We need to be innovative, inclusive, and indefatigable! It is in our children’s best interest!
Recently, lauded teacher Ron Clark wrote a strongly worded column on CNN.com asking parents to work with, rather than against, teachers, administrators, and the educational system. He laments parents who make excuses for their children, treat teachers poorly, or refuse to hear anything but positive things about their children. He states that, “Today, new teachers remain in our profession an average of just 4.5 years, and many of them list ‘issues with parents’ as one of their reasons for throwing in the towel.”
My experience as a parent and a teacher supports Mr. Clark’s contentions. However, there is a surprising flipside: many parents are afraid of contacting teachers! As a parent, I have been shocked at some of the things that have happened in my children’s classrooms and stunned that no one has said a word! Likewise, I fully understand why some teachers would prefer to send an email or do nothing at all rather than directly speak to parents.
Once we have had a negative experience with a parent or teacher, we are less likely to reach out again. Once that teacher (or coach) has said to our child, “We don’t want your parents making a fuss again, so could you please tell them what we did today?” The parent is less likely to call any other school staff member. If a parent overlooks all the time, effort, patience, and care a teacher has given and refuses to acknowledge what that teacher sees in class, that teacher is less likely to pick up the phone and call any parent or guardian.
And the experience need not be first hand. Parent or teacher experiences spreads through the school and community. Teachers find out which families are difficult and parents know which teachers will take it out on the kids. The walls go up around these people and no one wants to deal with them.
Then there is the fatalistic factor. How many calls to the teacher or parent will it take to effect change? If calling the teacher or principal isn’t going to change anything, why bother? If calling the parent is only going to get you beat up, what’s the point? Parents and teachers can easily rationalize themselves out of talking to each other.
Increasingly, parents and school personnel have more communication vehicles. We have email and online grade books, websites and blogs, newsletters and social networks – and we still have difficulty talking to each other.
I have excellent conversations with the vast majority of parents. Most of the time, when I have contacted teachers, the response has been professional and appropriate. We are really talking about that not-so-apocryphal twenty percent.
Do teachers need additional training in communicating with students’ homes? Do parents need help learning how to partner with schools? Could we do this together? Almost every school has an organization that is called, in some form or fashion, a Parent-Teacher organization. But they aren’t. My experience has been the PTO is a mostly moms club.
It is time to leap over the walls between school and home. It is time to create ways to bring parents, students, and educators together for more than a crisis phone call or intervention meeting.
Mr. Clark’s column is asking for parent cooperation. I am asking for collaboration. It is not enough to be nice. It is not enough to be professional. We need to be innovative, inclusive, and indefatigable! It is in our children’s best interest!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The College Search Process: Part 2
Now that we are neck deep in the college process, my family and I are learning a great deal about not only what colleges might be a good match for our daughter, but how this process works.
During the past year and a half, we have visited large state schools, tiny liberal arts schools, colleges in the country, cities, and suburbs. We have seen stretch and safety schools and colleges in between.
As an educator, I encourage families to fit colleges to students like a tailor fits clothing. However, competitive colleges seem very desirable to many families. Some students only want to go to schools that are just out of their reach. While I understand the lure of prestige, I can’t understand why parents would want their children to be the kids with the lowest grades or scores on campus? Although most parents believe that their children will be able to succeed under such circumstances (and sometimes they are right), my experience is that students do better when they attend schools that are a good academic and social match. Finding that match has been the focus of this part of the process.
It would be easier if we simply said to our child, “You are going the big state school.” Many families make this choice and there are many good reasons to do so. Our state universities are not only excellent and less expensive, but offer students an outstanding education. As a family, we have chosen to both spend more money and time and explore smaller private colleges.
It was wonderfully validating for me that the school with which my child fell in love was one to which she has a good chance of being admitted. While she liked several schools that are more selective and academically competitive, she “connected” more with schools who usually admitted students whose grades and test scores look like hers.
As we visited campuses, talked to students and college admissions counselors, a much more clear set of criteria developed. She figured out what characteristics were important to her. She was able to see more subtle differences between schools and connect those differences to her educational and personal needs.
By the end of the summer, the process shifted from search and select to evaluate and research. My daughter started drafting college essays and looking over the Common Application (commonapp.org). She researched a few more schools that appear to meet her criteria. We are making plans to visit two or three of these schools but we believe the list now has a clear end to it.
My daughter is doing focused research on a handful of “finalists.” She is reading their newspapers, looking more closely at their course and club offerings, and using guidebooks to hear about others’ views of them. Chances are we will make second visits to two or three of them.
Many colleges ask students to write about why they want to attend. The process of answering this question has required additional research and reflection. As she starts to fill out applications and supplements and write essays, she has to slow down and really think critically about each school.
While I would not say that picking a college is no big deal. Yet, I believe that my daughter would have a great experience at any of the schools on her short list. However, the flavor of that experience would vary. And figuring out how these schools will feel, with a little taste from visits and good research, requires digging far more deeply than glancing at glossy books, surfing websites, or taking tours.
During the past year and a half, we have visited large state schools, tiny liberal arts schools, colleges in the country, cities, and suburbs. We have seen stretch and safety schools and colleges in between.
As an educator, I encourage families to fit colleges to students like a tailor fits clothing. However, competitive colleges seem very desirable to many families. Some students only want to go to schools that are just out of their reach. While I understand the lure of prestige, I can’t understand why parents would want their children to be the kids with the lowest grades or scores on campus? Although most parents believe that their children will be able to succeed under such circumstances (and sometimes they are right), my experience is that students do better when they attend schools that are a good academic and social match. Finding that match has been the focus of this part of the process.
It would be easier if we simply said to our child, “You are going the big state school.” Many families make this choice and there are many good reasons to do so. Our state universities are not only excellent and less expensive, but offer students an outstanding education. As a family, we have chosen to both spend more money and time and explore smaller private colleges.
It was wonderfully validating for me that the school with which my child fell in love was one to which she has a good chance of being admitted. While she liked several schools that are more selective and academically competitive, she “connected” more with schools who usually admitted students whose grades and test scores look like hers.
As we visited campuses, talked to students and college admissions counselors, a much more clear set of criteria developed. She figured out what characteristics were important to her. She was able to see more subtle differences between schools and connect those differences to her educational and personal needs.
By the end of the summer, the process shifted from search and select to evaluate and research. My daughter started drafting college essays and looking over the Common Application (commonapp.org). She researched a few more schools that appear to meet her criteria. We are making plans to visit two or three of these schools but we believe the list now has a clear end to it.
My daughter is doing focused research on a handful of “finalists.” She is reading their newspapers, looking more closely at their course and club offerings, and using guidebooks to hear about others’ views of them. Chances are we will make second visits to two or three of them.
Many colleges ask students to write about why they want to attend. The process of answering this question has required additional research and reflection. As she starts to fill out applications and supplements and write essays, she has to slow down and really think critically about each school.
While I would not say that picking a college is no big deal. Yet, I believe that my daughter would have a great experience at any of the schools on her short list. However, the flavor of that experience would vary. And figuring out how these schools will feel, with a little taste from visits and good research, requires digging far more deeply than glancing at glossy books, surfing websites, or taking tours.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Don’t Let Dialogue Die
As I witnessed the ugly and inflexible discourse surrounding the recent federal debt crisis, I wondered if dialogue was dead. Legislators, commentators, and agitators were screaming at each other but no one was listening. No one had any interest in “finding common ground” or “moving toward the center.” It was a publicity game and the one who yelled the loudest longest was going to win.
So the rest of us lost. Since our representatives were so intransigent and inflexible, their game of brinksmanship took all of us off the brink. More and more, that is the tone of political rhetoric: we won’t back down! We won’t back down means we’re unconditionally right. We won’t back down means that my view is the only view worth discussing. We won’t back down means we won’t even entertain the possibility that we might be even a little bit wrong. We won’t back down means that the views of those who disagree with me, democracy be damned, should be disregarded.
There are things about which we do not compromise. But they are very few and they should be extremely clear. Every issue cannot be the line in the sand. If the non-negotiable list is too long, then the real message is that if you don’t play the game my way, I won’t let the game be played.
We all have encountered bullies and prima donnas who must have their way on even the finest points. This point of view seems to have infected our political process and is in danger of destroying one of the most important features of our representative democracy: the crucible of debate and discussion.
If I don’t get my way, says the two year old, I am going to kick and scream and raise such a ruckus that you will do anything to make me quiet. I will cause you so much pain that you will give in to my unreasonable views. We’ve all witnessed this: the panicked parent with the tantrum throwing two year old in the check out line. Perhaps we have all given in to that but we know what happens when giving in to tantrums becomes the primary parenting strategy. Our job as a parent is to get our children to use their words and listen to us. Perhaps we need to parent our politicians.
But this was THE issue. This was the issue worth throwing a tantrum. This was the BIG one! Baloney! That is a politician’s (or toddler’s) excuse for saying what I really wanted was to get as much attention as possible and thus get my way. If you ask your friends, family, and neighbors what are the areas that, if under attack, they would yell and scream, it would not be the debt ceiling or the budget. It might be free speech, the right to vote (which too many people neglect) or issues of choice and self-determination. Maybe it would be taxes, but even there I doubt it. Ask them when they have called or written their representatives.
When the person at my door says, “ You are going to hell if you don’t practice religion my way,” or the salesman on TV says, “The only way to be healthy (or popular) is to use my product,” we should be suspicious. When we are threatened with doom and gloom because people are so sure of themselves, it is a warning of small minded thinking and a lack of listening. There are always multiple solutions. There are always multiple “right” points of view. To dismiss that reality is to see the world through a narrow tunnel and miss the more important and larger view.
Doubt is a good thing. It indicates that the thought, “I might be wrong” has checked ego and arrogance. Compromise isn’t capitulation; it is collaboration and the creation of community. It is coming together through listening. Those who will not listen, those who insist they are right without reservation, are more dangerous than any polarizing issue. Because if dialogue dies, democracy goes with it.
So the rest of us lost. Since our representatives were so intransigent and inflexible, their game of brinksmanship took all of us off the brink. More and more, that is the tone of political rhetoric: we won’t back down! We won’t back down means we’re unconditionally right. We won’t back down means that my view is the only view worth discussing. We won’t back down means we won’t even entertain the possibility that we might be even a little bit wrong. We won’t back down means that the views of those who disagree with me, democracy be damned, should be disregarded.
There are things about which we do not compromise. But they are very few and they should be extremely clear. Every issue cannot be the line in the sand. If the non-negotiable list is too long, then the real message is that if you don’t play the game my way, I won’t let the game be played.
We all have encountered bullies and prima donnas who must have their way on even the finest points. This point of view seems to have infected our political process and is in danger of destroying one of the most important features of our representative democracy: the crucible of debate and discussion.
If I don’t get my way, says the two year old, I am going to kick and scream and raise such a ruckus that you will do anything to make me quiet. I will cause you so much pain that you will give in to my unreasonable views. We’ve all witnessed this: the panicked parent with the tantrum throwing two year old in the check out line. Perhaps we have all given in to that but we know what happens when giving in to tantrums becomes the primary parenting strategy. Our job as a parent is to get our children to use their words and listen to us. Perhaps we need to parent our politicians.
But this was THE issue. This was the issue worth throwing a tantrum. This was the BIG one! Baloney! That is a politician’s (or toddler’s) excuse for saying what I really wanted was to get as much attention as possible and thus get my way. If you ask your friends, family, and neighbors what are the areas that, if under attack, they would yell and scream, it would not be the debt ceiling or the budget. It might be free speech, the right to vote (which too many people neglect) or issues of choice and self-determination. Maybe it would be taxes, but even there I doubt it. Ask them when they have called or written their representatives.
When the person at my door says, “ You are going to hell if you don’t practice religion my way,” or the salesman on TV says, “The only way to be healthy (or popular) is to use my product,” we should be suspicious. When we are threatened with doom and gloom because people are so sure of themselves, it is a warning of small minded thinking and a lack of listening. There are always multiple solutions. There are always multiple “right” points of view. To dismiss that reality is to see the world through a narrow tunnel and miss the more important and larger view.
Doubt is a good thing. It indicates that the thought, “I might be wrong” has checked ego and arrogance. Compromise isn’t capitulation; it is collaboration and the creation of community. It is coming together through listening. Those who will not listen, those who insist they are right without reservation, are more dangerous than any polarizing issue. Because if dialogue dies, democracy goes with it.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
My Week as a Downtown Commuter
Time is my most valuable commodity. Which would you prefer, at the end of the day or year or later: a few more dollars or a few more minutes? If someone has a half hour drive to work each day, that means at least an hour a day in the car. So commuting takes almost an entire day each month. Each year, this commuter would spend almost two weeks going back and forth to work. And a half hour is a very reasonable commute. That is a great deal of life to spend. That is expensive.
I am very fortunate to live next door to the school at which I teach. My commute is a six-minute walk, even in the worst of weather. However, this past week, I got a taste of a very different routine. I signed up for a seminar being held on Northwestern’s Chicago campus.
I could have driven downtown. That would have taken about an hour in the car each way and then finding and paying for a place to park. My other option was to take public transportation. This would mean I would need to leave about a half hour earlier and give up my flexibility to come and go as I please. However, it would make the ride time usable time. I could read, write, or relax. It was also less expensive. Since I drive all the time, I decided to take the train and bus and see what it was like.
On a normal school day, I get up around 5:30 am and get to school around 7:30. My train left at 6:44, so I needed to get out of the house no later than 6:30. My train ride to the city was the most relaxing part of the commute. Once I arrived at Union Station, I needed to find a CTA bus to take me to campus. That ride took about twenty minutes. I usually arrived in the classroom about twenty minutes before class starts.
Of course there were a few glitches. One day, I exited the train and got turned around. I ended up on the wrong side of Union Station and struggled to find my bus stop. I sometimes had difficulty finding a bus to take me back to Union Station.
Sometimes, I was afraid I was going to miss my bus or train. I was worried I would get on the wrong bus or train. Once, I had a very large (and smelly) man sit next to me. However, as the week progressed, I got accustomed to the routine.
I read on the train; I wrote letters to my children at camp. I wrote this blog posting on the train. It was safer to make phone calls (quietly) on the train. I realized I could actually get tasks done on the train. The work I did on the train gave me more time when I got home. And once the train or bus left and I calmed down, I really began to enjoy the ride. This was especially true on the bus. I was like a tourist, appreciating the great beauty of the city. I people watched. Once the tension of catching the train or bus was gone, it was a far more relaxing trip than any drive downtown.
If I had to commute a long distance, I think I would take the train much of the time. But I am not willing to spend my time that way. A friend once said to me, "You are so lucky to live so close to your job." There is no luck involved. It was a very conscious decision. I know that not everyone can make that choice. I am very grateful that I could.
I am very fortunate to live next door to the school at which I teach. My commute is a six-minute walk, even in the worst of weather. However, this past week, I got a taste of a very different routine. I signed up for a seminar being held on Northwestern’s Chicago campus.
I could have driven downtown. That would have taken about an hour in the car each way and then finding and paying for a place to park. My other option was to take public transportation. This would mean I would need to leave about a half hour earlier and give up my flexibility to come and go as I please. However, it would make the ride time usable time. I could read, write, or relax. It was also less expensive. Since I drive all the time, I decided to take the train and bus and see what it was like.
On a normal school day, I get up around 5:30 am and get to school around 7:30. My train left at 6:44, so I needed to get out of the house no later than 6:30. My train ride to the city was the most relaxing part of the commute. Once I arrived at Union Station, I needed to find a CTA bus to take me to campus. That ride took about twenty minutes. I usually arrived in the classroom about twenty minutes before class starts.
Of course there were a few glitches. One day, I exited the train and got turned around. I ended up on the wrong side of Union Station and struggled to find my bus stop. I sometimes had difficulty finding a bus to take me back to Union Station.
Sometimes, I was afraid I was going to miss my bus or train. I was worried I would get on the wrong bus or train. Once, I had a very large (and smelly) man sit next to me. However, as the week progressed, I got accustomed to the routine.
I read on the train; I wrote letters to my children at camp. I wrote this blog posting on the train. It was safer to make phone calls (quietly) on the train. I realized I could actually get tasks done on the train. The work I did on the train gave me more time when I got home. And once the train or bus left and I calmed down, I really began to enjoy the ride. This was especially true on the bus. I was like a tourist, appreciating the great beauty of the city. I people watched. Once the tension of catching the train or bus was gone, it was a far more relaxing trip than any drive downtown.
If I had to commute a long distance, I think I would take the train much of the time. But I am not willing to spend my time that way. A friend once said to me, "You are so lucky to live so close to your job." There is no luck involved. It was a very conscious decision. I know that not everyone can make that choice. I am very grateful that I could.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Traveling with Children
As my family and I got on the last leg of our almost twenty-four hour journey home, we heard the all too familiar wail of a crying child. My father joked that every plane is equipped with one. If you have a flight without a crying kid, you will get two the next time.
The child was screaming, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Her father was visibly frustrated. If their journey had been anything like ours, I understood how tired that child might be. However, as soon as the child got mommy, she started to scream, “Daddy! Daddy” Daddy!” That clued me in that this tantrum might be more than common fatigue.
For the next three and half hours, this toddler screamed, often in pitches that I could only detect by feeling the windows vibrate. Her parents walked her up and down the aisles, offered her crayons, toys, and treats. Nothing worked.
I was traveling with my two children, who were considerably older than the screamer. Yet, they have been on planes since they were infants. We are fortunate enough to have the means to travel a few times a year and my kids have become wonderful travelers.
There is a trick to it. My wife and I were very deliberate about how we handled traveling with the kids. We found that the keys were good planning, balancing adult and child needs, practice, and a lot of backbone!
We learned this the hard way. When our daughter was about nine months old, we took her to Quebec. It was awful. I remember quietly huddling behind a screen in a tiny hotel room praying that she would go to sleep and exiting a restaurant with our food in bags because my child could no longer sit still in the high chair.
Taking an infant on a vacation is strenuous. I have changed diapers on laps, in airplane lavatories, and the open spaces near doors. I have schlepped diaper bags that weighed more than my checked luggage. And who could forget dragging car seats and strollers through the narrow aisles of an airplane!
We learned the travel tricks. When our kids were young, I planned for the travel like I was putting together a lesson plan. I had videos (long before there were laptops or portable video player; I rigged my camcorder to work in reverse and put Sesame Street into it!), books, music, treats, games, and more ready to go. Diaper changing (and later potty breaks) were part of the schedule. I had spare clothes, extra diapers, pull ups, and always a wrapped surprise. They never knew when it would come, but it was a great motivation to stay with the program.
Someone had suggested giving our daughter Benadryl on the plane, so she would sleep. I called the doctor and she wisely suggested a test run first. To my child, it was rocket fuel. Drugging kids on the plane may be tempting, but if your goal is to help your kids become good travelers, it defeats the purpose.
As the kids got older, the key was to give them more responsibility for the planning. My children would pack their own bags (and carry them) that contained their favorite activities. I still brought little extras and surprises. I hit upon travel and card games and those became the focus of our longer journeys. Yes, my kids would also bring movies and music and those were great. The real saviors were books! My kids would read through very long journeys. It was profoundly ironic when, on a four-hour car ride through the Arizona desert, I stuck my head in the backseat to say to my kids, “Put down the darn books and look at the beautiful scenery!”
The journey may be half the fun, but the other half must be child friendly too. When our kids were young, we picked travel spots that had kid appeal. Quebec did not. There had to be a kids club or kid activities at resorts or kid friendly attractions when we were touring. Our schedule revolved around their home schedule. When they were young, we always stopped for nap-time. Kids travel better when they aren’t tired. We stayed in places that had kitchenettes or rented condominiums and prepared many meals in or took out from places to avoid the long waits in restaurants and the $16 grilled cheese sandwiches! We loved hotels with buffets because they provided everyone with choices and moved quickly. All hotels had to have a pool!
Our entire family (including grandparents) just returned from a tour of Alaska. We had many new experiences and getting home took almost an entire day. My kids were great! I remember an old Plugger cartoon that showed two weary parents walking away from the baggage claim with suitcases and kids under their arms. The caption read, “After the trip, pluggers need a vacation.” I can honestly say that traveling with my children may sometimes be a trip, but it is always a vacation!
The child was screaming, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Her father was visibly frustrated. If their journey had been anything like ours, I understood how tired that child might be. However, as soon as the child got mommy, she started to scream, “Daddy! Daddy” Daddy!” That clued me in that this tantrum might be more than common fatigue.
For the next three and half hours, this toddler screamed, often in pitches that I could only detect by feeling the windows vibrate. Her parents walked her up and down the aisles, offered her crayons, toys, and treats. Nothing worked.
I was traveling with my two children, who were considerably older than the screamer. Yet, they have been on planes since they were infants. We are fortunate enough to have the means to travel a few times a year and my kids have become wonderful travelers.
There is a trick to it. My wife and I were very deliberate about how we handled traveling with the kids. We found that the keys were good planning, balancing adult and child needs, practice, and a lot of backbone!
We learned this the hard way. When our daughter was about nine months old, we took her to Quebec. It was awful. I remember quietly huddling behind a screen in a tiny hotel room praying that she would go to sleep and exiting a restaurant with our food in bags because my child could no longer sit still in the high chair.
Taking an infant on a vacation is strenuous. I have changed diapers on laps, in airplane lavatories, and the open spaces near doors. I have schlepped diaper bags that weighed more than my checked luggage. And who could forget dragging car seats and strollers through the narrow aisles of an airplane!
We learned the travel tricks. When our kids were young, I planned for the travel like I was putting together a lesson plan. I had videos (long before there were laptops or portable video player; I rigged my camcorder to work in reverse and put Sesame Street into it!), books, music, treats, games, and more ready to go. Diaper changing (and later potty breaks) were part of the schedule. I had spare clothes, extra diapers, pull ups, and always a wrapped surprise. They never knew when it would come, but it was a great motivation to stay with the program.
Someone had suggested giving our daughter Benadryl on the plane, so she would sleep. I called the doctor and she wisely suggested a test run first. To my child, it was rocket fuel. Drugging kids on the plane may be tempting, but if your goal is to help your kids become good travelers, it defeats the purpose.
As the kids got older, the key was to give them more responsibility for the planning. My children would pack their own bags (and carry them) that contained their favorite activities. I still brought little extras and surprises. I hit upon travel and card games and those became the focus of our longer journeys. Yes, my kids would also bring movies and music and those were great. The real saviors were books! My kids would read through very long journeys. It was profoundly ironic when, on a four-hour car ride through the Arizona desert, I stuck my head in the backseat to say to my kids, “Put down the darn books and look at the beautiful scenery!”
The journey may be half the fun, but the other half must be child friendly too. When our kids were young, we picked travel spots that had kid appeal. Quebec did not. There had to be a kids club or kid activities at resorts or kid friendly attractions when we were touring. Our schedule revolved around their home schedule. When they were young, we always stopped for nap-time. Kids travel better when they aren’t tired. We stayed in places that had kitchenettes or rented condominiums and prepared many meals in or took out from places to avoid the long waits in restaurants and the $16 grilled cheese sandwiches! We loved hotels with buffets because they provided everyone with choices and moved quickly. All hotels had to have a pool!
Our entire family (including grandparents) just returned from a tour of Alaska. We had many new experiences and getting home took almost an entire day. My kids were great! I remember an old Plugger cartoon that showed two weary parents walking away from the baggage claim with suitcases and kids under their arms. The caption read, “After the trip, pluggers need a vacation.” I can honestly say that traveling with my children may sometimes be a trip, but it is always a vacation!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Who Wouldn’t Want To Be A Teacher?
I am delighted that teaching is now the most sought after profession in the United States. In the twenty-six years I have been a professional educator, teaching has become a more and more attractive profession. Of course, a majority of the best students at the most elite college are interested in going into the classroom and who can blame them? The way that we treat teachers in the United States is the key to the success of our educational system.
Of course, as everyone knows, teachers have really easy hours. Although class often starts around 8am, teachers get to come in an hour or more earlier to prepare for the day. However, class days often end between 2:30 and 3:30. What a great workday! Of course, most teachers stay after school to work with kids, sponsor clubs and coach sports, call and meet with parents, and attend meetings. Even with all that, most teachers might leave school no later than 6 or 7. And when they get home, they get to take a little bit of school with them and grade student work for a few hours and plan future lessons. What a fantastic daily schedule! And you get summers off to design curriculum, take college courses, and have fun extra jobs to supplement your income and experience!
Many students are attracted to teaching for the status, which may be the wrong reason. Everyone loves teachers. They are praised in the press and lauded in the halls of the legislature. Some college students are only in it for the prestige and teacher training programs must address that. Sure, other countries recruit teachers by paying their way through college and giving them high salaries, but we don’t need that in the United States. The joy and praise heaped on teachers is payment enough.
Teachers not only contribute to society by working with the young, their retirement dollars help ailing state governments. Teachers can feel good that the retirement money taken from their paychecks will be borrowed by the government to pay for many needed projects. Teachers have faith that it will be repaid when they are ready to retire. Since, for many of our younger teachers, that isn’t until age sixty-seven or perhaps older, the whole retirement question might not even matter at all! Besides, who would want to retire from teaching anyway?
Just like the high status, many young people want to go into teaching to strike it rich! The Chicago Sun Times recently reported that some teachers make around $100,000. After teaching for thirty years, students want to make those big bucks. In what other professions can long time veterans with advanced degrees say that they are earning almost six figures?
Of course, the biggest draw to teaching is the kids themselves. Remember what it was like back in high school or middle school? Imagine that all the time! And, for no extra charge, teachers also get to know and love their parents!
The fact is that anyone can be a teacher. After going to the doctor’s office, I performed surgery. I cooked a gourmet meal after eating at a French restaurant. A few visits to the salon and I can do wonders with my hair! If you have been a student, you can be a teacher! No problem!
Teaching isn’t really that hard because there are a battery of tests that tell teachers what students need to learn. Legislators and educrats have made teaching one of the easiest professions around. They have laid out targets in each subject and at each grade level. All teachers have to do is get the kids to score well on the test. What could be easier?
It is no wonder that today’s college students are flocking to be teachers! The way our country promotes teachers is the real reason that America has the best education system in the world!
Of course, as everyone knows, teachers have really easy hours. Although class often starts around 8am, teachers get to come in an hour or more earlier to prepare for the day. However, class days often end between 2:30 and 3:30. What a great workday! Of course, most teachers stay after school to work with kids, sponsor clubs and coach sports, call and meet with parents, and attend meetings. Even with all that, most teachers might leave school no later than 6 or 7. And when they get home, they get to take a little bit of school with them and grade student work for a few hours and plan future lessons. What a fantastic daily schedule! And you get summers off to design curriculum, take college courses, and have fun extra jobs to supplement your income and experience!
Many students are attracted to teaching for the status, which may be the wrong reason. Everyone loves teachers. They are praised in the press and lauded in the halls of the legislature. Some college students are only in it for the prestige and teacher training programs must address that. Sure, other countries recruit teachers by paying their way through college and giving them high salaries, but we don’t need that in the United States. The joy and praise heaped on teachers is payment enough.
Teachers not only contribute to society by working with the young, their retirement dollars help ailing state governments. Teachers can feel good that the retirement money taken from their paychecks will be borrowed by the government to pay for many needed projects. Teachers have faith that it will be repaid when they are ready to retire. Since, for many of our younger teachers, that isn’t until age sixty-seven or perhaps older, the whole retirement question might not even matter at all! Besides, who would want to retire from teaching anyway?
Just like the high status, many young people want to go into teaching to strike it rich! The Chicago Sun Times recently reported that some teachers make around $100,000. After teaching for thirty years, students want to make those big bucks. In what other professions can long time veterans with advanced degrees say that they are earning almost six figures?
Of course, the biggest draw to teaching is the kids themselves. Remember what it was like back in high school or middle school? Imagine that all the time! And, for no extra charge, teachers also get to know and love their parents!
The fact is that anyone can be a teacher. After going to the doctor’s office, I performed surgery. I cooked a gourmet meal after eating at a French restaurant. A few visits to the salon and I can do wonders with my hair! If you have been a student, you can be a teacher! No problem!
Teaching isn’t really that hard because there are a battery of tests that tell teachers what students need to learn. Legislators and educrats have made teaching one of the easiest professions around. They have laid out targets in each subject and at each grade level. All teachers have to do is get the kids to score well on the test. What could be easier?
It is no wonder that today’s college students are flocking to be teachers! The way our country promotes teachers is the real reason that America has the best education system in the world!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)