Selling the Family Home

My parents just moved. They had lived there for almost fifty years; it was the house I moved into at ten years old and the place my wife and children know as the “family” home. This is a significant and challenging transition for my parents. 

People ask me if I will miss the house. I guess I will. However, I have mountains of photos and more video of events in that house than anyone could ever view. More than that, I have real memories of the people I love gathering at that house. Those memories aren’t staying in the house. I will still have them. 

It was time for my folks to have a home without stairs. It is a wonderful bonus to have a home where someone else takes care of the roof, basement, landscaping, snow removal, and all those homeowners’ tasks that age you. It is great that my parents are moving into a smaller home in a retirement community where they can, should they choose, take their meals in the community restaurant. They will finally be able to enjoy all the good parts of homeownership and turn over the burdens to someone else. 

But not me! This is another reason that I am not feeling sentimental about the loss of my childhood home. My parents’ move makes their lives much better – and it enhances mine as well. They are moving closer to me, but it is far more than that. They are moving into a community with plenty of support for them as they age. Many of the issues I have seen friends face with their parents: moving into a care facility, caregivers, living independently, loss of driving, and many others will be considerably softened by their choice of location. In a very real sense, their move is a gift to the entire family. It makes helping them age well easier, safer, and more reasonable. It preserves their independence and mine. 

I spent some time gathering photos of the “old” house. I waxed nostalgic about my grandparents and many others who are no longer with us and spent so much time there. I took lots of photos before and during the sale of the house and during the move itself. I have not been at that house in more than a week, but like lots of figures who are no longer part of our lives, that house will always be with us. 

Perhaps I am fooling myself. Perhaps, after the new owners move in, I will feel differently. I doubt it – because this was never about a house or a place. I didn’t go to “the house,” I went to be with my folks. Yes, the house was a great place to gather, but we have other places that will work just as well. The house was important because of the people who lived in it. I will enjoy the new house and my folks’ new community for those same reasons.  

I would be remiss if I didn’t also note how grateful I am for the lessons I am learning in this process. My parents moved in their mid-eighties. My wife and I have talked about making this move a decade earlier. My parents, in this and in many other ways, are modeling thoughtful and graceful aging. I am taking notes. It is my sincere wish that they will be our elder guides for many years to come. 

Precious Parking

The high school should really allow all students to drive to school. There is no reason just to limit it to seniors. If there is a space shortage, we should raise money and build a parking structure, just like they have at the colleges. 

There is no way my Precious would take the bus. The bus arrives far too early in the morning and Precious needs to sleep late. Otherwise, we get cranky and foul-mouthed and that doesn’t fly in my house! Walking or biking are just not practical. Besides, Precious has to take sports equipment and a computer and the hot/cold tray that Cook prepares for lunch each day. The bus makes so many stops and is not air-conditioned (or I think it isn’t, I’m not sure) and my Precious can’t take that kind of environment. 

Besides, there is only one bus after sports practice and it goes just about everywhere. It would take Precious a half hour or more to get home on it. That isn’t practical. Precious has tutoring in all the major subjects twice a week, private sports coaching, ACT and SAT tutoring, and frequent meetings with our college helper. I love that college helper. She is making sure that Precious is on top of all those deadlines. Precious doesn’t have to do anything! This college stuff is so stressful. Why can’t we just let Precious into my alma mater and be done with it? Precious will be going there anyway, why do we have to hop through all these meaningless hoops? 

So, I have a friend of a friend who has a little home a few blocks from the school. They charge pay $500 per semester for Precious to park at their house. We were going to let Precious take the Escalade that we usually keep at the lake house, but it’s two years old, so we got a Porche to replace it and Precious will drive that. We’ll just have to use my Land Rover when we are up north. It is a sacrifice we are just going to have to make. 

I wish my friend’s friend’s home was a little closer to the school. As it is, Precious has to walk three blocks. I park there when I stop by and take Precious’s Land Rover to the gas station and fill it up. Precious doesn’t have time for that. I can’t believe how long it takes me and that car always needs so much gas! 

I don’t know what we would do if Precious wasn’t able to drive to school. I can’t get up that early. It is an ungodly time, anyway. None of our people have arrived yet, well Cook has, but that is to make Precious’s breakfast and lunch. Cook can’t be expected to be a driver, too. 

I am concerned that, once Precious can drive to school, the staff will take all the good parking places. I don’t want Precious parking so far away from the building that it is the same distance as the friend’s friend’s house! That would be so unfair! I think kids who park in the nearby neighborhoods should have special spots right near the door when they become seniors. After all, they have been waiting to drive to school their entire lives! 

Twenty Years Ago: October 2003

Twenty years ago this month was a remarkable contrast to my present life. In 2003:

My mornings were hectic and intense. I took my elder child to orchestra at her middle school, ran to my school for a morning meeting with a student club or a parent, and then into my first class. It was a sprint. In retirement, one of the things I enjoy the most is a slow and civilized morning. 

I wrote, “Weekends are NOT a break at all,” and “Days off are never days off.” Now, every day is a weekend and day off! 

I kept my calendar, notes, and contacts on my Palm Pilot and was considering purchasing a Palm Pilot cellular phone! Today, I have all sorts of devices that make that old PDA look like an antique – but I still have it! 

I rode a kind of activity rollercoaster. I wrote that my day could go from highly productive and then, “grinds and collapses.” I was highly dependent on my parents and my wife’s aunt to help fill in childcare. Now, I am spending a lot of time helping my folks. My kids live far away and are highly independent. 

I had an ill and elderly dog that woke us up in the middle of the night, left surprises in the kitchen in the morning, and needed a syringe twice a day. While I no longer own a dog, we enjoy visits from and visits to our daughter’s dog. He is young and active and takes me on a walk – and my daughter takes care of the difficult dog duties.  

My list ran me: “I need to do an oneg and get birthday gifts and all that. A parent meeting this morning after I drop off Q. Field trip numbers today, StageWrite applications. A real bits and pieces day. Nibble, nibble, nibble, nibble.” Now, I use my daily list to give my day structure and I try to keep it short! 

My journal entries were often short. One even ended in midsentence! Now, I enjoy spending time reflecting on the day past and using my journal to help me focus on goals and tasks. My daily journal entries can be a little luxurious. 

Juggled time with family, friends, kids time with their friends, and date night time. Now, my time is flexible and far more balanced. I feel way more in control! 

My children were very young. They were losing teeth, growing physically, and figuring it all out. Now, they are working adults who help me and their grandparents. 

I worked with my children on homework and encouraged them to go beyond just the minimum requirements; “I tried not to hound Q into doing her homework. I played checkers with Jonah while she researched the lightbulb and filled in a math grid. She then read and practiced violin while Jonah set the table and I tried to kill the wasp that had somehow come into the house.” Now, I find I sound like my own grandmother and worry that my children might be working too hard and doing too much! 

“We went to Carmen’s last night and I was stuffed.” Oh, I long for the long-gone pizzeria of bygone days. I love stuffed pizza, but I fear I’ll never have another like Carmen’s! 

I was preparing to be a rabbi-substitute for a bat mitzvah! Our rabbi had just been hired and we had two bat mitzvahs that were scheduled before he was fully on board. So I attended mitzvahs to see how it was done. That role was expanded later: now, it has contracted and I am rarely a rabbi-understudy. 

I was wondering about the internet. When thinking about our school’s annual charity drive, I asked myself, “Can we use the internet to make money for school chest– perhaps send folks to a website?” Amazon wasn’t even a powerhouse yet and buying things on the web was sometimes risky. If only I had pursued this further! 

I was just beginning to see the possibilities of the internet as an extension of the classroom, “I got the idea for an essay tutorial online. I organized it and started it! It is no small project and I will work on it so it is ready for the Humanities kids’ next essay.” I experimented with how kids might use the web both in and out of class. Now, I have a former student running an AI-based educational website! 

I was grading during every free moment. I don’t miss that at all! 

Halloween was a really big deal involving a parade at school, parties, neighborhood gatherings, and of course, the dreaded house-to-house trick or treating. Now, Halloween is no more than greeting the handful of kids who appear at our door. 

While it is interesting to look back, I would not want to go back. These trips into my past journals make me appreciate how much young parents must handle each day. It also emphasizes that twenty years is a very very long time ago. Youth is not wasted on the young; I could not have done what I did today. 

Reading For Treasure: ChatGPT Goes To School

I have written about how I think teachers, and especially teachers of the Humanities, might incorporate ChatGPT in the classroom. TLDR: I think teachers must embrace new technology and help students use it ethically and well. Not everyone agrees with me. Some teachers are clinging to dubious ChatGPT detectors, insisting that all writing be handwritten in class, or attempting to forbid its use completely. Good luck with those approaches. 

Instead, here are some articles that go into both the how and the why of confronting and dealing with our new educational environment. Most of these are by teachers who are reporting from the front lines. 

First, here are two great articles by teacher Daniel Herman published in The Atlantic. In the first, Mr. Herman contends (and I agree) that “High-School English Needed a Makeover Before ChatGPT: I used to make my students write essay after essay. There was always a better way.” The second one is even more direct, “The End of High-School English: I’ve been teaching English for 12 years, and I’m astounded by what ChatGPT can produce.”

Wired Magazine reports on how teachers and schools are using AI tools that repackage ChatGPT for both students and their teachers: “Teachers Are Going All In on Generative AI.” 

For those of you who want to detect students’ unauthorized use of AI, I have bad news: the research reported by KQED suggests that it is far from perfect, “How easy is it to fool ChatGPT detectors?”

If you are not reading, “Free Technology for Teachers,” you are doing more work than you should. This blog is outstanding! Richard Byrne provides a cornucopia of online and computer-based ways to make teachers’ lives better and improve student learning. In this piece, he provides,  “Some Thoughts About AI in Education.”

David McGrath in the Chicago Tribune takes a more traditional approach. He rightfully points out some of ChatGPT’s shortcomings and how this tool might be better suited to places other than the classroom. I agree with Mr. McGrath today. I am not sure his point of view will still be valid in a year or two. What do you think? “How teachers can defeat ChatGPT-using students.”

Finally, here is a different kind of “article:” High school English teacher Kelly Gibson makes TikTok videos about her experiences. She talks about far more than ChatGPT, but many of her videos discuss not only how and why she is using it, but gives very specific information about how students respond. What is also fun is that, if you view these short videos in chronological order, you get a wonderful view of a master teacher figuring things out lesson to lesson and challenge to challenge. Click here to see all of her videos and use the titles to select the ones you want to watch. 

 I am currently reading the Hugo nominated short stories, novelettes, and novellas. 

Feeding Two Birds From One Feeder: How Our Language Reveals Us

Have you ever scrutinized someone’s words? Did you ever pour over a text message or email wondering if the message was intended sarcastically? Were you ever bothered by the way someone said something or their particular word choices? 

Our language matters. The words we choose and the way we communicate them reveal a great deal about our thoughts, feelings, and intentions. How we speak, the way we organize our thoughts, and the tone that accompanies them are as much a part of our message as the semantic meanings of the words themselves. 

One of the most famous examples of this is the quotation from the late President Regan: “Mistakes were made.” The statement neither takes responsibility for these mistakes nor tells us who made them. The statement is in the passive voice; the action is not with the speaker. It is a perfect statement for a politician. The president doesn’t say, “I made mistakes.” The president doesn’t make any judgment about the mistakes. They were just made – by someone, somehow. 

Many years ago, my school was looking for a new administrator, and focus groups were created so different groups could talk about what they wanted in that job. The person in charge of my group said to us, “I want teachers to feel like they are part of the process.” I looked at him and said, “I want to be part of the process.” There is a difference. The person running the meeting looked at me and said, “You know what I mean.” There is a big difference between “feeling like part of the process” and actually having an effect! 

When talking to parents of students, language tells me a great deal. Parents who use “we” when discussing their children’s activities are sending a clear message. We are applying to college. We studied for a test. We are going to practice. The truth is that the parent is not doing any of those things: the child is. 

The tone of parent emails is another place where parents reveal, intentionally or unintentionally, their relationships with their children and their children’s teachers. A parent whom I have never met or with whom I have no personal relationship should never address me by my first name. I have lost time track of the number of times I have received parent emails that read as if they are ordering products from a store or food from McDonald’s. The tone is one of a customer ordering a salesperson to deliver a product. Do parents sending nasty emails realize how insulting and hurtful they are? When speaking with them on the phone after receiving these emails, I realize that their tone has clearly communicated who they are and what is going on in their home. 

Perhaps the most striking and disturbing example of this is the way some media outlets described the people that Jeffrey Epstein was accused of harming. Was he trafficking in underage women or raping girls? “Underage women” is a euphemism for something far more disturbing – why don’t they write that? 

Similarly, the Civil War was not just a war between the states. Although we say the two sides were the Confederacy and the Union, the Union was the United States Army! People were not killed in the Holocaust, they were murdered. There is a big difference. 

Our language reveals and shapes the way we see the world and ourselves. It communicates far more than just the denotative meanings of the words. The whole is far more powerful than the sum of the syllables. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can shape our thinking. We must carefully consider which words we choose, how we weave them together, and the tone we use when communicating – not to trick or evade or cover – but to honestly, effectively, and clearly communicate. 

Twenty Years Ago: September 2003

I love the fall. I love the start of school. I love Rosh Hashana. I love September! The weather cools down and trees start to change color. It is a time of endings and beginnings. 

In September of 2003, we were all starting school. My daughter was starting fourth grade and my son began kindergarten! I started my seventeenth year teaching at the high school. We took photos of everyone’s first day of school – and none of us started on the same day. 

I have written about the start of school before. While I love the start of school, it is not without anxiety. I had several evenings of teacher nightmares. I had spent hours and hours setting up my classrooms and preparing materials, lessons, and lists. 

My Peer Helpers were very busy during the first week of school. They accompany transfer student and escort them to classes, help them get books, sit with them at lunch, and assist them in their acclimation to their new school. I did the logistics of pairing students, writing passes, scheduling lunches, and making sure that every non-freshmen new student had a Peer Helper guide. 

And I had a new teaching partner and two new teaching teammates! The new Humanities team met their large classes in our double classroom! It was exciting, frightening, and exhilarating – but not without challenge. On the first day of school, the Wi-Fi network went down. The kids did not yet have devices, but I was very dependent on my laptop. It was a good lesson in always having a plan B! Glad I was also trained in improvisation! 

The new class was a double period: 89 minutes long, “Wow! Teaching for 89 minutes is exhausting, exhilarating, and freeing! I can imagine that teaching for 42 minutes will feel confined and packed too tightly. Although I had concerns about having too much time, and we did “whip around” a great deal and it was slow, things were neither rushed nor packed too tightly nor too loose or leisurely. We got a ton done and in a reasonable manner. The kids’ letters were awesome too! It is going to be a great year!”

The fall means movement toward the Jewish High Holidays. We have a “Meet the Congregation” Friday night service, choir rehearsals, and lots of planning. September temperatures are unpredictable. It was warm for both the beginning of school and the High Holidays. Neither the school nor the building at which we held services had air conditioning. I wore shorts to school, but I was in a suit for services.  

On the same night as my children’s open house, I helped with the Senior College Night presentation at school by talking about writing college essays. I started at my children’s school and then rushed back to the high school to come in just in time for my portion. Again,  no air conditioning! 

Of course, there were homeowners association meetings, kids’ orchestra rehearsals, Sunday School, soccer, PTO meetings, the Congregational Steering Committee, and the faculty advisory council. Then there are the surprises that create more opportunities for improvisation. My minivan suddenly needed repairs and then, once it was working correctly, the garage door broke trapping both our vehicles, “Okay, so now the garage is fixed but we have an electrical problem. When Quinn turns on her light switch, she blows the fuse for half the upstairs! She’s done it twice. Something weird is going on with her fixture. That is the same fixture the electrical guys worked on when they were last here. Could be a bad switch somewhere. Once again, we need a service person out here. Problem du jour.”

We participated in the annual ALS charity walk in the rain, celebrated my uncle’s big birthday, and went out for Saturday night date nights while leaving the kids with one of many former student babysitters. We struggled to find a sitter on a weeknight for our own open house night at the high school.

One thing the babysitters could not take care of was the dog: I had to give him his shots regularly in the morning before school and the evening before dinner. So when I traveled to Naperville for my uncle’s party, I had to be sure to get back home before the dog had an accident. We started making a trip home after dinner but before the show to ensure that the dog got his medicine. 

The dog would wake us up in the middle of the night, so we increased his insulin – again. My wife would walk to school at 7am and I would get the kids off to their school before getting to my classroom much closer to the bell, “This morning I will bring Quinn over to Shepard for her first orchestra rehearsal. After school, she has horseback riding with my mother. Then the ice cream social. It will be a long day for Q. We have a faculty meeting after school, so it will be a long day for us too!” When I did eventually get home, I would get dinner ready and, once the kids were in bed, grade well into the night. Oh, yeah, I was also preparing to be the rabbi-substitute at a bat mitzvah! 

“It feels like it has been so much longer than a month. New classes, new kids, new course, new teaching partner, new schedule, and on and on. New year too. 5764. Okay. I’m ready. Here we go!”

Heavy Thinking: Skills of Thought, Part 1

One Thanksgiving, a child observed her father making the turkey. The child noted that Dad cut off a big chunk of the back end of the turkey before putting it in the oven. When asked why he did this, the child’s father said, “That’s the way your grandmother always did it!” So, the child approached grandma and asked, “Dad just cut off part of the turkey before cooking. He said it is because that is the way you did it. Why did you do that?” 

Grandma replied, “Because my pan was too small.” 

The flaw in the father’s thinking was that he simply repeated what his mother did without considering why she did it. It was rote repetition without reflection or evaluation. There was a flaw in this thinking that caused him to not only waste a part of the turkey but focus on a meaningless detail perhaps to the detriment of more important parts of the process.

What we think is important. How we think is equally so. In my decades teaching thousands of students and many subjects, I believed that the kids could be successful in school by mastering a specific set of behaviors: turn your work in on time, use an assignment notebook, take notes, go in for extra help, etc. I even made a list of these moves that helped you win the game of school.  

However, sometimes, students who did these things still did not excel. Sometimes, kids who did these things turned in work that was underdeveloped and poorly thought-out. The behaviors were a surface symptom of an underlying process: their thinking! 

I came to understand that the skill of thinking had to be taught alongside the content. How we mentally worked out mattered just as much or more as the intellectual weights we were lifting. It isn’t a matter of just doing something, it is the way we think about what we are doing and why we are doing it.

As a teacher, I understood Bloom’s Taxonomy of Thinking: When I first began to teach it, I put it on a poster in my classroom which looked like this: 

I flipped evaluation and synthesis steps because I thought creativity and connection were more sophisticated than criticism. However, as I came to think about the taxonomy, I also realized that none of these parts were “higher” than the others. They were simply different tools for different jobs. There are times when simple memorization is the right choice. Often, a simple list works far better than an elaborate critique. 

But Bloom’s taxonomy was not enough. I watched students be able to note the processes without deeply understanding the differences between them. Bloom’s labels were just another form of content. There was something else needed. 

The something else, I realized later in my teaching career than I’d like to admit, is a set of thinking skills that take the same kind of regular exercise practice that one uses for physical fitness. Understanding them, labeling them, or being able to use them simply is not enough. So here is a beginning list. I will write more about this in future posts: 

Students must be able to think metacognitively: reflect about their own thinking. 

They must learn to be intellectually flexible and be able to select the right thinking tool for the job. 

They must come to terms with their fear of failure and error and embrace making mistakes – and this skill has huge implications for grading. 

Students must understand the double-edged sword of habit: habit can automate things and it can also freeze things and make change difficult. Practice makes permanent, not necessarily perfect. 

They must be able to take feedback and listen to coaches and helpers. Students must have the humility to always ask themselves, “What if I am in error? Is there another way I could approach this?” 

Students must be their own critics, but not their own punching bags. Their self-evaluations must be focused on improvement as well as acknowledging their goals and gains - not self-flagellation (or false humility). 

They must be able to think quickly and slowly, have good intellectual reflexes, and know when to wait and percolate instead. 

They must be able to see and make connections as Bloom describes – but this also means they have to be willing to take thoughtful risks. They can’t be content to always think it safe. Again, students will not do this if their teacher grades them down for it! 

Students must be curious! They must ask questions and be willing to both find answers and sometimes live in the uncomfortable place of conflicting points of view – or answers that are not satisfying. 

The list is far from complete, and I intend to write more about this. Thinking flexibility and fitness are as important as any content. Without it, the behaviors are robotic repetitions that will not help our children thrive in a world that is changing at warp speed. AI is getting smarter by the day: our children must have the thinking and reasoning skills to keep up!