“Rich kids” are American archetypes. They are brash and entitled, spoiled, self-centered and concerned only with their own pleasure. They are materialistic, shallow, and believe that the world revolves around them. While I am describing a stereotype, I have taught long enough to know that these kids exist. I also know that they need not be the product of wealthy families, but wealthy families have an easier time producing them.
Often, when I am traveling, I observe older teenagers in the airport, on their way to exotic and expensive vacations. I don’t know these kids but I wonder about them. I see them playing with their toys, throwing teenage tantrums, being rude and unaware. I wonder if I was one of those kids. I worry that my children will become like them too.
As a child, I never thought of myself as wealthy. I think that the air I breathed was so “rich” that I didn’t know what a rich or “non-rich” kid was. I have never driven a fancy car. I didn’t wear expensive clothing or have the latest gadgets. My house was neither extravagant nor enormous. I never saw myself as snobby or entitled. Yet others noticed: I came from money.
When I was in middle school, a new family moved next door. They immediately built a pool in their backyard. That didn’t shock me; my family had a tennis court. What did shock me was the way their children left their toys around. Their toys were awesome. I would have loved these expensive, often electronic, toys when I was their age. I knew this because I frequently found their toys in my backyard. At first, I would return them. Then I set them aside and waited to see if anyone came to collect them. No one did. Finally, I left them where they fell. These kids didn’t value these toys. They didn’t miss them when they were gone.
Stereotypically, rich kids have an air (heir?) of entitlement. They expect expensive toys to reappear after they have lost them. As a teacher, I have worked with children like this. They expect the good grade and are flabbergasted when I expect them to earn it. Families with resources sometimes have the expectation that all problems can be solved easily, quickly, and without non-monetary costs – and money can buy a lot. Their children see that it only takes a checkbook to make challenges vanish. And without challenges and struggle, real learning doesn’t exist.
If your every desire appears when you wish it (or even appears before you had the chance to wish it), then you are in a perpetual childhood. Your happiness depends on your parents providing and you are ineffectual. You have no intrinsic power and are dependent on external things to keep you happy. It must be frightening for a child to think, “without all this money, I can’t do anything and neither can my parents – and our happiness depends on it.”
Money is only a piece of the happiness puzzle. Granted, it is an important piece, but there are other critical factors that shape our lives and our children. The great author, Robert Heinlein said, “Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.” Some well-to-do parents are concerned about “wealth poisoning:” that their money may rob their children of the motivation to achieve independently. My experience says that this concern should not be taken lightly. It has become a central piece of my parenting philosophy. I don’t want my children to fit any of that rich kid stereotype.
Providing our children the best of everything without any of the costs may be robbing them of real wealth. Good parenting requires a consciousness of how our need to provide for our kids will shape their outlooks on the world and thus their futures. We also need to look in the mirror and think about the lessons that our behavior teaches them.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Greater, Further, Harder, Meaner
I used to think that assigning more challenging work was the mark of a good teacher. It seemed to me that the kids most respected the tough teachers. Teachers in my department bragged about rigor. Teachers would look over each other’s shoulders and judge. Those who assigned fewer assignments or texts were lightweights and slouches. I didn’t want to be one of those!
The other day, as part of a school in-service, groups of teachers sat down and graded the same paper. Everyone had his or her own beef with the sample paper. There were dozens of ways the student writer didn’t measure up. It felt like a game of “can you top this.” I was so glad that the writer of the paper wasn’t in the room; he would have felt horrible.
Is that how kids feel when they get their papers back? Do they feel beaten up? Is that how kids feel in class, rigored and worked to death? Has the goal become greater, further, harder, meaner? I have become concerned that we are moving in that direction and it isn’t good for any of us.
My daughter has an unbelievable amount of homework and an overstuffed schedule. In some classes, she can have several hours of homework. For example, in her English class right now, she is working on a paper on the last book they finished, and reading the current book. In addition, she has an independent reading book and a project on another set of readings. That is four assignments at once – in only one class. In addition to her six other classes, she is a varsity athlete, member of the student council, orchestra and stage crew. She is busier than most adults I know, including those who are parents of teenagers!
Is all this work, all this intensity, and all this time making our children better students? By spending this kind of effort, our kids are learning the skills and scoring well on tests. Rigor works. That is why schools that are struggling use old fashioned drill strategies and cut out the “fluff.” But we all pay a price for that rigor.
The real question isn’t does it work, but is it worth it; is it making our children better people? That is the question I am asking myself as a teacher and as a dad. My child is stretched thinner than cellophane, but she can write well. She doesn’t get enough sleep and is frequently stressed out, but she performs well on tests. Is this healthy?
I can’t teach students how to write without assigning writing. Learning requires some degree of effort, but do we have to take a “no pain, no gain” approach? Can’t learning be fun? Can’t learning be balanced and healthy?
As educators and parents, we often judge our own effectiveness by our children’s success. That is both natural and problematic. Teachers and parents should be held accountable, of course. So do we get more gold stars or brownie points if our children have twelve activities instead of eight or scores in the 99th percentile instead of the 94th? How much is enough? We have been sucked into an increasing spiral of expectations for them and for us! We are never happy with our performance or theirs because we always want more, more, more!
The latest educational buzz word is “targets.” The idea is that the student is like an archer and it is our job to help him or her hit the bull’s-eye. But the bull is Argos and has a million eyes! A porcupine shooting all of its quills couldn’t hit all these targets. Each time we review the targets, we come up with more. The list is never ending and just thinking of it makes me tired and worried.
More is not always better. Harder work isn’t always more meaningful. We have caught ourselves in a rigor trap and it is eating our children’s childhoods and our sanity. It is time to look at the real targets: what do we want a student to learn? What should the school experience look like? How do we redesign school so that kids can be kids and still learn the really important things they need? It is time to name the important things, the real important things!
The other day, as part of a school in-service, groups of teachers sat down and graded the same paper. Everyone had his or her own beef with the sample paper. There were dozens of ways the student writer didn’t measure up. It felt like a game of “can you top this.” I was so glad that the writer of the paper wasn’t in the room; he would have felt horrible.
Is that how kids feel when they get their papers back? Do they feel beaten up? Is that how kids feel in class, rigored and worked to death? Has the goal become greater, further, harder, meaner? I have become concerned that we are moving in that direction and it isn’t good for any of us.
My daughter has an unbelievable amount of homework and an overstuffed schedule. In some classes, she can have several hours of homework. For example, in her English class right now, she is working on a paper on the last book they finished, and reading the current book. In addition, she has an independent reading book and a project on another set of readings. That is four assignments at once – in only one class. In addition to her six other classes, she is a varsity athlete, member of the student council, orchestra and stage crew. She is busier than most adults I know, including those who are parents of teenagers!
Is all this work, all this intensity, and all this time making our children better students? By spending this kind of effort, our kids are learning the skills and scoring well on tests. Rigor works. That is why schools that are struggling use old fashioned drill strategies and cut out the “fluff.” But we all pay a price for that rigor.
The real question isn’t does it work, but is it worth it; is it making our children better people? That is the question I am asking myself as a teacher and as a dad. My child is stretched thinner than cellophane, but she can write well. She doesn’t get enough sleep and is frequently stressed out, but she performs well on tests. Is this healthy?
I can’t teach students how to write without assigning writing. Learning requires some degree of effort, but do we have to take a “no pain, no gain” approach? Can’t learning be fun? Can’t learning be balanced and healthy?
As educators and parents, we often judge our own effectiveness by our children’s success. That is both natural and problematic. Teachers and parents should be held accountable, of course. So do we get more gold stars or brownie points if our children have twelve activities instead of eight or scores in the 99th percentile instead of the 94th? How much is enough? We have been sucked into an increasing spiral of expectations for them and for us! We are never happy with our performance or theirs because we always want more, more, more!
The latest educational buzz word is “targets.” The idea is that the student is like an archer and it is our job to help him or her hit the bull’s-eye. But the bull is Argos and has a million eyes! A porcupine shooting all of its quills couldn’t hit all these targets. Each time we review the targets, we come up with more. The list is never ending and just thinking of it makes me tired and worried.
More is not always better. Harder work isn’t always more meaningful. We have caught ourselves in a rigor trap and it is eating our children’s childhoods and our sanity. It is time to look at the real targets: what do we want a student to learn? What should the school experience look like? How do we redesign school so that kids can be kids and still learn the really important things they need? It is time to name the important things, the real important things!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
The Teacher’s Best Teachers: His Students!
Students are powerful. They don’t realize their remarkable impact. We all have special teachers who touched our lives. We remember them and honor their influence. What we may not realize is that students are as critical in the shaping of teachers. Teachers carry the lessons learned from kids from class to class and year to year.
I have long chafed when a student refers to, “Mr. Hirsch’s class.” It is not mine. It is ours. Students see the teacher as the owner of the class, the master of ceremonies and, at best, they are supporting cast if not audience. Really, it is their class and I am merely the stage manager. When I make choices, I think of the students who taught me how to be a better teacher.
Nicole was my first “discipline” problem. She would much prefer to talk with Anna, fiddle with her books, make up or just about anything, rather than participate in class. It drove me bananas and she knew it. My attempts at reprimanding, refocusing or distracting her seemed to only fuel the fire. Then one day, instead of my usual policeman behavior, I just smiled at Nicole and shook my head.It worked! I found it hard to believe it was that simple. It worked over and over. And if I was not sharp enough to spot the lesson, Nicole made it clear to me when she replied to one of my grins, “That smile isn’t going to work this time, Mr. H. Not this time.” But it did. Smiles as part of discipline? Thank you, Nicole!
Danny was a traditional “kid in the middle.” He was not the brightest student in class but not the slowest. He was a nice young man but not the most (or least) talkative. He did not misbehave but did not draw a great deal of attention to himself. He happened to stop by in the writing lab one day. I pulled him into a conference on an assignment. From then on, Danny sought me out. He looked for that little bit of extra attention and ate it up. Traditionally, students with special talents or special needs receive special services but those wonderful kids in the middle are left with leftovers. Danny didn’t need special tutoring, he was doing fine. Danny didn’t take many honors or AP classes. But Danny loved the extra attention and thrived on it as much as any “special” student. Danny taught me that all students deserve, need, and desire that extra something. I think of him every time I make the effort to give every student his or her “Danny” time. Thank you, Danny.
It was the day before parent night and I jokingly looked at Jeremy. He was my challenge. Not disruptive, just overactive and talkative. Perhaps he might have been labeled ADD – but the label would have been wrong. I joked with him, as the period ended, that I was very eager to meet his parents at open house. “Well,” exclaimed Jeremy, “be sure to sit my dad over here,” he pointed to one end of the classroom, “ and my mom way over here,” he pointed to the opposite side, “because if you let them get together – BOOM!” Now it made sense. The out of control, attention seeking behavior that was so inappropriate in my classroom was the only way to get warring parents’ notice. Jeremy wasn’t ADD or anything else. He was simply bringing his home coping technique into class and it wasn’t working. When students’ behavior is set in context, they cease being behavior issues and become people trying strategies to make life manageable. Thank you, Jeremy.
I have become the lessons students have taught me. It is more than I am a better teacher – or person – I think they have molded me as much or more than I changed them. There is an old proverb that states that the teacher should learn as much from the students as the students from the teacher. I live this every day.
If I am a pretty good teacher, it is due, in large measure, to the fantastic students with whom I have studied. They have generously and unselfishly taught me what it means to learn and study. I have been allowed to glimpse the complexity of their world. Every day, every semester, year after year, they are with me and I am forever grateful to them.
I have long chafed when a student refers to, “Mr. Hirsch’s class.” It is not mine. It is ours. Students see the teacher as the owner of the class, the master of ceremonies and, at best, they are supporting cast if not audience. Really, it is their class and I am merely the stage manager. When I make choices, I think of the students who taught me how to be a better teacher.
Nicole was my first “discipline” problem. She would much prefer to talk with Anna, fiddle with her books, make up or just about anything, rather than participate in class. It drove me bananas and she knew it. My attempts at reprimanding, refocusing or distracting her seemed to only fuel the fire. Then one day, instead of my usual policeman behavior, I just smiled at Nicole and shook my head.It worked! I found it hard to believe it was that simple. It worked over and over. And if I was not sharp enough to spot the lesson, Nicole made it clear to me when she replied to one of my grins, “That smile isn’t going to work this time, Mr. H. Not this time.” But it did. Smiles as part of discipline? Thank you, Nicole!
Danny was a traditional “kid in the middle.” He was not the brightest student in class but not the slowest. He was a nice young man but not the most (or least) talkative. He did not misbehave but did not draw a great deal of attention to himself. He happened to stop by in the writing lab one day. I pulled him into a conference on an assignment. From then on, Danny sought me out. He looked for that little bit of extra attention and ate it up. Traditionally, students with special talents or special needs receive special services but those wonderful kids in the middle are left with leftovers. Danny didn’t need special tutoring, he was doing fine. Danny didn’t take many honors or AP classes. But Danny loved the extra attention and thrived on it as much as any “special” student. Danny taught me that all students deserve, need, and desire that extra something. I think of him every time I make the effort to give every student his or her “Danny” time. Thank you, Danny.
It was the day before parent night and I jokingly looked at Jeremy. He was my challenge. Not disruptive, just overactive and talkative. Perhaps he might have been labeled ADD – but the label would have been wrong. I joked with him, as the period ended, that I was very eager to meet his parents at open house. “Well,” exclaimed Jeremy, “be sure to sit my dad over here,” he pointed to one end of the classroom, “ and my mom way over here,” he pointed to the opposite side, “because if you let them get together – BOOM!” Now it made sense. The out of control, attention seeking behavior that was so inappropriate in my classroom was the only way to get warring parents’ notice. Jeremy wasn’t ADD or anything else. He was simply bringing his home coping technique into class and it wasn’t working. When students’ behavior is set in context, they cease being behavior issues and become people trying strategies to make life manageable. Thank you, Jeremy.
I have become the lessons students have taught me. It is more than I am a better teacher – or person – I think they have molded me as much or more than I changed them. There is an old proverb that states that the teacher should learn as much from the students as the students from the teacher. I live this every day.
If I am a pretty good teacher, it is due, in large measure, to the fantastic students with whom I have studied. They have generously and unselfishly taught me what it means to learn and study. I have been allowed to glimpse the complexity of their world. Every day, every semester, year after year, they are with me and I am forever grateful to them.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Bar Mitzvah Between the Lines
Please share our joy as our darling boy is called to the torah as a bar mitzvah. Never mind that he doesn’t really understand the words he is reading. He understands the story in general and will relate it to sports, his sister, and a Disney movie in his speech.
It is fine because we don’t speak Hebrew. We don’t even light candles or attend any services other than some of the high holidays and those are really boring. We are planning on quitting the congregation as soon as the dust settles on the eighteen dollar checks. That was what it took to get the kid to complete Hebrew school anyway. Only the promise of spending some of the cash for a new flat screen TV for his room could keep him going through that mind numbing routine.
Thank you so much for donating to his mitzvah project. Really, it was our mitzvah project. He didn’t do that much. It wasn’t worth any more begging and threatening; we had enough of that just getting this far. Besides, he is so busy with the sports and school and his friends. So all he ended up doing was an hour at the soup kitchen. They signed his form and he was out of there.
We’ll see you at the service. We are going to look great. The rabbi gave us the aliya blessings all written out in English transliterations so we can sound like we speak Hebrew. We should probably practice them. Not that we pray. Not that we really believe any of this stuff. We believe in god, of course. But we just don’t see the need to have all the bowing and reciting. I wish it were like Passover where we can just go right to the meal and skip all the mumbo jumbo. We are only doing this because…well…because we would feel left out. Our son would feel like something was missing if he didn’t have this experience. I didn’t stick with my religious education after my bar mitzvah, but maybe he will. Well, he won’t, but he could have.
Our celebration continues with a loud and expensive party on Saturday night. All we need is a bride and it could double as the kid’s wedding. It’ll be as big and as grand as anyone else’s party. We’ll have two hundred of our friends and almost as many kids. Don’t worry, they will be on the other side of the room and we’ll have hired dancers to give them gifts and keep them grinding away at each other. Consider bringing earplugs because the music has caused hearing loss and headaches.
The theme of the party is toys and games. Each table is one of our sons’ favorites. You’ll be sitting at iPod or maybe Xbox or Gameboy. Don’t worry, there won’t be anything from the service at the party. We’ll do a quick blessing over the bread and wine because we have this beautiful challah cover that my in-laws brought back from Israel that we need to use. After that, it is alcohol for the adults and fried foods for the kids!
We are giving away sweat suits with the kid’s name on them at the end of the night to all the kids. They will all wear them to school on Monday and make anyone who wasn’t there feel like complete losers.
Don’t hold your breath waiting for my kid’s thank you note. He may never get around to it. We’ve prewritten all the envelopes for him already and we may need to write the thank yous too. The best you’re going to get out of him is a quick, “Thanks for the generous gift. It was nice to see you.” He doesn’t know what you gave him and you won’t actually see him at the party. He’ll just hang out with a few of his friends and the dance staff. But he’s just a kid. Hopefully, we’ll see you for a moment or two.
We hope you can join us for this very important religious celebration. It wouldn’t be the same without you.
It is fine because we don’t speak Hebrew. We don’t even light candles or attend any services other than some of the high holidays and those are really boring. We are planning on quitting the congregation as soon as the dust settles on the eighteen dollar checks. That was what it took to get the kid to complete Hebrew school anyway. Only the promise of spending some of the cash for a new flat screen TV for his room could keep him going through that mind numbing routine.
Thank you so much for donating to his mitzvah project. Really, it was our mitzvah project. He didn’t do that much. It wasn’t worth any more begging and threatening; we had enough of that just getting this far. Besides, he is so busy with the sports and school and his friends. So all he ended up doing was an hour at the soup kitchen. They signed his form and he was out of there.
We’ll see you at the service. We are going to look great. The rabbi gave us the aliya blessings all written out in English transliterations so we can sound like we speak Hebrew. We should probably practice them. Not that we pray. Not that we really believe any of this stuff. We believe in god, of course. But we just don’t see the need to have all the bowing and reciting. I wish it were like Passover where we can just go right to the meal and skip all the mumbo jumbo. We are only doing this because…well…because we would feel left out. Our son would feel like something was missing if he didn’t have this experience. I didn’t stick with my religious education after my bar mitzvah, but maybe he will. Well, he won’t, but he could have.
Our celebration continues with a loud and expensive party on Saturday night. All we need is a bride and it could double as the kid’s wedding. It’ll be as big and as grand as anyone else’s party. We’ll have two hundred of our friends and almost as many kids. Don’t worry, they will be on the other side of the room and we’ll have hired dancers to give them gifts and keep them grinding away at each other. Consider bringing earplugs because the music has caused hearing loss and headaches.
The theme of the party is toys and games. Each table is one of our sons’ favorites. You’ll be sitting at iPod or maybe Xbox or Gameboy. Don’t worry, there won’t be anything from the service at the party. We’ll do a quick blessing over the bread and wine because we have this beautiful challah cover that my in-laws brought back from Israel that we need to use. After that, it is alcohol for the adults and fried foods for the kids!
We are giving away sweat suits with the kid’s name on them at the end of the night to all the kids. They will all wear them to school on Monday and make anyone who wasn’t there feel like complete losers.
Don’t hold your breath waiting for my kid’s thank you note. He may never get around to it. We’ve prewritten all the envelopes for him already and we may need to write the thank yous too. The best you’re going to get out of him is a quick, “Thanks for the generous gift. It was nice to see you.” He doesn’t know what you gave him and you won’t actually see him at the party. He’ll just hang out with a few of his friends and the dance staff. But he’s just a kid. Hopefully, we’ll see you for a moment or two.
We hope you can join us for this very important religious celebration. It wouldn’t be the same without you.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Big Boys in Little Leagues
My son just received his park district basketball team assignment and it has me wondering. While I have seen great value in these community sports programs, I am concerned about the way the teams are put together. As an educator and a parent, I have some questions about the way these organizations function. I wonder if the jury-rigging of the teams is really for the kids’ benefit or for the glory of the adults who coach them.
Each time a coach calls our house or the email arrives with a schedule and roster, my son’s first question is, “Who is on my team?” As we move from game to game, the composition of the teams is always an interesting and sometimes disturbing revelation. I am a classroom teacher and I know how difficult it is to put together “even” groups. Kids change and grow. A mediocre player one season may turn into a strong player the next. Yet, I have never been in a league where the distribution of kids was balanced.
Most of the leagues in our community use a draft to put together teams. Of course the coaches’ kids are on their team. This gives coaches a great deal of control of the team and clearly creates customized groups. There are seven boys my son’s grade in our neighborhood. He has been in class with all of them throughout the years. However, for all the team sports he has played and all the teams he has been on, he has only been with one of these boys on one team – ever! All of these boys have been in most, if not all of the same leagues. We are talking about twice as many teams than classes at school. How is this possible?
So my child gets to make new friends. So my child is not as proficient in sports as these other boys. Each season, these boys’ teams, the ones their fathers coach, are the fantastic teams. They are the teams that have several very athletically talents kids. They are the teams that have three skilled pitchers, or boys who are very tall, or extra older boys. While every coach will tell you that winning is not the focus, learning is the focus, the team composition reveals the truth of the matter.
My kids have had a wide range of coaches and all of them have been well intentioned. However, some have been more skilled than others. Only some are good at communicating with parents. Only a handful are good at connecting with the kids. And very few are good coaches. Not that long ago, we had a coach who made sure that each player got to try each position frequently. He had a line up ready in advance and printed out and posted on the fence. The strongest and weakest players all got chances to be in the “plum” spots. He affirmed all the children and complimented them far more than he pointed out problems. When he did point out issues, he instructed and demonstrated. He was not a professional teacher but I think he may have missed his calling. His gentle shouts from the bench were ones of encouragement and praise. The composition of the team was secondary, the coach made sure of that. However, this is the exception far more than the rule.
Children’s sports can teach so many important lessons. They can teach kids about exercise and teamwork. They can be about navigating relationships and learning skills. They can be a balance to the intensity of academic study. Or they can be about doing what it takes to win and learning who is on top and who sucks. Kids (and some adults) might make it about the later. It is adults’ obligation to guide them to the former. Can we let go of grabbing the “good” kids? Can we put the skill need before the social need? Can winning take a back seat to fair play and love of the game? Community sports programs: please put the children’s needs first!
Each time a coach calls our house or the email arrives with a schedule and roster, my son’s first question is, “Who is on my team?” As we move from game to game, the composition of the teams is always an interesting and sometimes disturbing revelation. I am a classroom teacher and I know how difficult it is to put together “even” groups. Kids change and grow. A mediocre player one season may turn into a strong player the next. Yet, I have never been in a league where the distribution of kids was balanced.
Most of the leagues in our community use a draft to put together teams. Of course the coaches’ kids are on their team. This gives coaches a great deal of control of the team and clearly creates customized groups. There are seven boys my son’s grade in our neighborhood. He has been in class with all of them throughout the years. However, for all the team sports he has played and all the teams he has been on, he has only been with one of these boys on one team – ever! All of these boys have been in most, if not all of the same leagues. We are talking about twice as many teams than classes at school. How is this possible?
So my child gets to make new friends. So my child is not as proficient in sports as these other boys. Each season, these boys’ teams, the ones their fathers coach, are the fantastic teams. They are the teams that have several very athletically talents kids. They are the teams that have three skilled pitchers, or boys who are very tall, or extra older boys. While every coach will tell you that winning is not the focus, learning is the focus, the team composition reveals the truth of the matter.
My kids have had a wide range of coaches and all of them have been well intentioned. However, some have been more skilled than others. Only some are good at communicating with parents. Only a handful are good at connecting with the kids. And very few are good coaches. Not that long ago, we had a coach who made sure that each player got to try each position frequently. He had a line up ready in advance and printed out and posted on the fence. The strongest and weakest players all got chances to be in the “plum” spots. He affirmed all the children and complimented them far more than he pointed out problems. When he did point out issues, he instructed and demonstrated. He was not a professional teacher but I think he may have missed his calling. His gentle shouts from the bench were ones of encouragement and praise. The composition of the team was secondary, the coach made sure of that. However, this is the exception far more than the rule.
Children’s sports can teach so many important lessons. They can teach kids about exercise and teamwork. They can be about navigating relationships and learning skills. They can be a balance to the intensity of academic study. Or they can be about doing what it takes to win and learning who is on top and who sucks. Kids (and some adults) might make it about the later. It is adults’ obligation to guide them to the former. Can we let go of grabbing the “good” kids? Can we put the skill need before the social need? Can winning take a back seat to fair play and love of the game? Community sports programs: please put the children’s needs first!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Fostering Children's Autonomy
My nine-year-old son sat at the kitchen table and looked like he was about to cry. In front of him was a luscious piece of chocolate cake in a plastic container. For ten minutes, he struggled to get the container open. Behind him was his frazzled grandmother, with her hands extended to relieve the little guy of his frustration and give him the delicious dessert. The mean and evil father (me) had prevented her from helping by uttering the simple words, “Let him do it himself.”
Yes, it would have been easier to just open the box for my son. Yes, he would have been happier if his grandmother had rushed to his rescue. He would have adored his daddy even more than he did when I gave him the special dessert. So what is the downside of helping a little kid open a difficult container? Everything.
I want a great deal for my children. Of course I want them to be happy. It would be nice if they had good feelings about their parents. But more than these, I want them to grow up to be competent, contributing, independent adults. Problem solving is the heart of autonomy. Self-respect and confidence are its offspring. This is the core of what I believe as a parent and as a teacher. My prime directive is: Do nothing that undercuts the independence of the child. Or put in the positive: do everything possible to foster the child’s ability to be self-reliant.
How do our children learn that they have power? What is the nature of that power? Too often, we see children manipulating adults, often their parents or teachers. Screams of, “I hate you!” or “You don’t love me” are a kind of emotional blackmail and kids learn its effectiveness. Shows of helplessness, tears, and tantrums frequently succeed in getting children out of challenging situations. What have we taught them?
Children learn that their power consists of manipulating us to use our power on their behalf; it must be begged, stolen or tricked from us. They do not have any power inherently. Is that what we want? Is that true? Is that good?
Where does self worth come from? It comes from competence! We may assist our children in solving problem and guide them to solutions, but when we do it for them, we are robbing them of the experience of learning how to problem solve.
Instead of doing the homework for my daughter, I asked her questions about it. I helped her find her own method of problem solving and her own solutions, which were not the ones I would have chosen but they worked just the same. I helped her to figure out the steps instead of telling her what they were. It took some time and lots of patience, but the end result was a child who felt good that she met the challenge and could do it without daddy’s help the next time (which she did!).
We rationalize coming to our children’s rescue. They are so busy, the task is unreasonable, he is so stressed, it makes my life better and on and on. Underneath all of these excuses is that same set of parent centered values: it serves my needs, I want my child to like me, or perhaps it will make my child happier (at least in the short run). These are short sighted, selfish and superficial.
There are times when opening the child’s cake container is what a parent must do. I am not 100% consistent and almost every rule has an exception. However, it is the larger pattern that shapes our kids. Do they expect that, when they run into trouble, they will be bailed out? Do they take initiative and anticipate challenges that may be ahead of them? Do they rely on parental power or do they develop their own?
I quietly coached my son, “You tried that way of opening the box already. What is another way you might open it?” I encouraged him to see how other people had opened their boxes. I gave him time to be frustrated. Yes, he opened the box himself, although it felt like it took a year. Then, he looked up and said, “I can!”
Yes, it would have been easier to just open the box for my son. Yes, he would have been happier if his grandmother had rushed to his rescue. He would have adored his daddy even more than he did when I gave him the special dessert. So what is the downside of helping a little kid open a difficult container? Everything.
I want a great deal for my children. Of course I want them to be happy. It would be nice if they had good feelings about their parents. But more than these, I want them to grow up to be competent, contributing, independent adults. Problem solving is the heart of autonomy. Self-respect and confidence are its offspring. This is the core of what I believe as a parent and as a teacher. My prime directive is: Do nothing that undercuts the independence of the child. Or put in the positive: do everything possible to foster the child’s ability to be self-reliant.
How do our children learn that they have power? What is the nature of that power? Too often, we see children manipulating adults, often their parents or teachers. Screams of, “I hate you!” or “You don’t love me” are a kind of emotional blackmail and kids learn its effectiveness. Shows of helplessness, tears, and tantrums frequently succeed in getting children out of challenging situations. What have we taught them?
Children learn that their power consists of manipulating us to use our power on their behalf; it must be begged, stolen or tricked from us. They do not have any power inherently. Is that what we want? Is that true? Is that good?
Where does self worth come from? It comes from competence! We may assist our children in solving problem and guide them to solutions, but when we do it for them, we are robbing them of the experience of learning how to problem solve.
Instead of doing the homework for my daughter, I asked her questions about it. I helped her find her own method of problem solving and her own solutions, which were not the ones I would have chosen but they worked just the same. I helped her to figure out the steps instead of telling her what they were. It took some time and lots of patience, but the end result was a child who felt good that she met the challenge and could do it without daddy’s help the next time (which she did!).
We rationalize coming to our children’s rescue. They are so busy, the task is unreasonable, he is so stressed, it makes my life better and on and on. Underneath all of these excuses is that same set of parent centered values: it serves my needs, I want my child to like me, or perhaps it will make my child happier (at least in the short run). These are short sighted, selfish and superficial.
There are times when opening the child’s cake container is what a parent must do. I am not 100% consistent and almost every rule has an exception. However, it is the larger pattern that shapes our kids. Do they expect that, when they run into trouble, they will be bailed out? Do they take initiative and anticipate challenges that may be ahead of them? Do they rely on parental power or do they develop their own?
I quietly coached my son, “You tried that way of opening the box already. What is another way you might open it?” I encouraged him to see how other people had opened their boxes. I gave him time to be frustrated. Yes, he opened the box himself, although it felt like it took a year. Then, he looked up and said, “I can!”
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Frustration and Learning
One night, not long ago, my daughter was in tears over an upcoming test. However, when she first came home from school, she was cavalier about it. She said she knew the material and it was no big deal. She waltzed to the television and plopped herself down. After dinner, she started what she thought was a perfunctory study session. No such luck. She found that the test was going to be on more than the material covered in the last few days of class. In fact, it was material that the teacher never taught! Even with the help of friends, she could not figure it out.
She emailed the teacher, who sent her some instructions. Problem solved, right? Wrong. My daughter’s response was that, although she now had the tools to attack the issue, she wasn’t sure she could do it on her own, let alone manage it under the stressful conditions of a test.
As a teacher, I was upset. Why test kids on material you haven’t taught? What does that prove? Why ask kids to teach themselves complex and difficult material. When she took the test, the teacher decided not to include the skills that caused my daughter such difficulties! All this fuss for nothing!
As a teacher, I am not perfect. I have written unclear instructions. I try new things in every class I teach and some of these work out wonderfully. Some of these end up a good first draft but need revision. While I am fanatical about planning and timing, I have had times where even my best-laid plans have been caught in the mousetrap.
I hope that experiences like these make me both a better teacher and a better dad. In elementary school, my kids had a thirty-minute rule. If they struggled with something for thirty minutes and could not understand it, then they could stop and talk to the teacher the next day. Could I have a similar rule? Could there be some kind of emergency cord that kids could pull when they get to the end of their ropes? How could I create something like that for my students.
A little frustration fosters growth. Learning only occurs when we reach the end of “I know how” and step off! However, too much frustration stifles learning. The difference between the two depends on each child. Some children will stick with a challenging task and thrive. Others are not as hearty and cannot cope with that same amount of frustration. One size never fits them all. Dealing with this learning process is a skill. If we rob students of all of the frustration, we will also rob them of their learning and their independence.
If we are doing our jobs well as teachers and parents, we are helping our students to independently cope with school challenges. We are providing them resources and skills to problem solve and manage both their workloads and emotions. A discussion about “what do we do when we can’t figure out the homework” would be helpful in class and at home.
This may be more valuable than the skills taught in any one subject. The ability to manage stress and frustration, to persist and stick with a difficult task, and to use learning resources is the curriculum that really counts!
That teacher whose test brought my child to tears may have, inadvertently, done some good. But I can do better. I may still be the villain at someone’s dinner table, but I must teach my kids, both at home and at school, how to face the inevitable high school challenges.
She emailed the teacher, who sent her some instructions. Problem solved, right? Wrong. My daughter’s response was that, although she now had the tools to attack the issue, she wasn’t sure she could do it on her own, let alone manage it under the stressful conditions of a test.
As a teacher, I was upset. Why test kids on material you haven’t taught? What does that prove? Why ask kids to teach themselves complex and difficult material. When she took the test, the teacher decided not to include the skills that caused my daughter such difficulties! All this fuss for nothing!
As a teacher, I am not perfect. I have written unclear instructions. I try new things in every class I teach and some of these work out wonderfully. Some of these end up a good first draft but need revision. While I am fanatical about planning and timing, I have had times where even my best-laid plans have been caught in the mousetrap.
I hope that experiences like these make me both a better teacher and a better dad. In elementary school, my kids had a thirty-minute rule. If they struggled with something for thirty minutes and could not understand it, then they could stop and talk to the teacher the next day. Could I have a similar rule? Could there be some kind of emergency cord that kids could pull when they get to the end of their ropes? How could I create something like that for my students.
A little frustration fosters growth. Learning only occurs when we reach the end of “I know how” and step off! However, too much frustration stifles learning. The difference between the two depends on each child. Some children will stick with a challenging task and thrive. Others are not as hearty and cannot cope with that same amount of frustration. One size never fits them all. Dealing with this learning process is a skill. If we rob students of all of the frustration, we will also rob them of their learning and their independence.
If we are doing our jobs well as teachers and parents, we are helping our students to independently cope with school challenges. We are providing them resources and skills to problem solve and manage both their workloads and emotions. A discussion about “what do we do when we can’t figure out the homework” would be helpful in class and at home.
This may be more valuable than the skills taught in any one subject. The ability to manage stress and frustration, to persist and stick with a difficult task, and to use learning resources is the curriculum that really counts!
That teacher whose test brought my child to tears may have, inadvertently, done some good. But I can do better. I may still be the villain at someone’s dinner table, but I must teach my kids, both at home and at school, how to face the inevitable high school challenges.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Carpools Need Lifeguards
On Saturday, April 18, 2009, five children were killed when their car ran off the road and into a waterway in Texas. According to CNN, the driver was not only distracted by his cell phone but failed a field sobriety test.
Who is driving your children? When you participate in a carpool, do you know how the other parents drive? We rationalize car pools because they are convenient and often take kids very short distances. But many accidents happen close to home.
I often see dangerous driving. More often, I see driving that is not dangerous, but just sloppy, rude and thoughtless. I do not want to put my kids in any of car driven that way. I participate in only a few carpools, and only with people whose driving I trust.
We all know good trustworthy people who are poor drivers. Being a good friend, capable worker, or intelligent person does not automatically make someone a safe driver. We sometimes over generalize and assume that, because she is a kind person, she must be competent behind the wheel. Perhaps that is wishful thinking.
This raises two questions: what kind of driver do you want moving your children and how would you know if the members of your carpool are that type of driver? The first question is far easier to answer than the second.
Good drivers are those who put the safety of those in and around their cars before all other concerns. Good drivers obey the law, pick up and parking regulations, and are polite and defensive drivers.
Observe the driving of parents at your children’s school and activities. Who drives as if she or he is in a rush? Safe drivers are never in a hurry behind the wheel. Who puts a child under the age of twelve in the front seat? It is easier to put a child in the front passenger seat when the only spot left is in the middle of a bench seat. That is both illegal in our state and unsafe. A smaller person will be seriously injured, if not killed, should the airbag deploy. Who is on his or her cell phone while driving? It is now illegal to use a cell phone in a school zone in our state. Who ignores speed limits, restricted parking, and other rules and guidelines? In our state, you must have your lights on if you are using your windshield wipers. While that seems like common sense, see who fails to do this. I do not want my child in these people’s cars!
Who uses signals regularly? Who moves very slowly in parking lots? Who is patient? Who thinks ahead, for example, leaving space for the bus to get in and out before it actually arrives at school. Who do you see insisting on seat belts and car seats? Who makes certain that kids only enter a car on the curbside? Who maintains order in his or her car?
You may or may not be able to spot these characteristics in the school pick up line. It is very difficult to figure out if those in your carpool are safe drivers. It is even more difficult to have a conversation about it because all parents will say, “Of course I put safety first and obey the laws!” Talk is cheap.
Yet, it is a conversation that could save our children’s lives. It may be easier to do so as part of a parent meeting. Carpool guidelines or pledges could be circulated through school newsletters. That could open the door to including them with the actual carpool schedule. While it may be awkward and uncomfortable to discuss these issues with other parents, it will be far worse when there is a car crash (is it really an “accident”?) and fingers are pointing.
Our kids will eventually be drivers. They will take their cue from us. If we ignore the rules, take short cuts and place convenience before safety, they are going to do the same thing. So listen to that nagging doubt when your child gets into certain cars and choose your carpool drivers carefully.
Who is driving your children? When you participate in a carpool, do you know how the other parents drive? We rationalize car pools because they are convenient and often take kids very short distances. But many accidents happen close to home.
I often see dangerous driving. More often, I see driving that is not dangerous, but just sloppy, rude and thoughtless. I do not want to put my kids in any of car driven that way. I participate in only a few carpools, and only with people whose driving I trust.
We all know good trustworthy people who are poor drivers. Being a good friend, capable worker, or intelligent person does not automatically make someone a safe driver. We sometimes over generalize and assume that, because she is a kind person, she must be competent behind the wheel. Perhaps that is wishful thinking.
This raises two questions: what kind of driver do you want moving your children and how would you know if the members of your carpool are that type of driver? The first question is far easier to answer than the second.
Good drivers are those who put the safety of those in and around their cars before all other concerns. Good drivers obey the law, pick up and parking regulations, and are polite and defensive drivers.
Observe the driving of parents at your children’s school and activities. Who drives as if she or he is in a rush? Safe drivers are never in a hurry behind the wheel. Who puts a child under the age of twelve in the front seat? It is easier to put a child in the front passenger seat when the only spot left is in the middle of a bench seat. That is both illegal in our state and unsafe. A smaller person will be seriously injured, if not killed, should the airbag deploy. Who is on his or her cell phone while driving? It is now illegal to use a cell phone in a school zone in our state. Who ignores speed limits, restricted parking, and other rules and guidelines? In our state, you must have your lights on if you are using your windshield wipers. While that seems like common sense, see who fails to do this. I do not want my child in these people’s cars!
Who uses signals regularly? Who moves very slowly in parking lots? Who is patient? Who thinks ahead, for example, leaving space for the bus to get in and out before it actually arrives at school. Who do you see insisting on seat belts and car seats? Who makes certain that kids only enter a car on the curbside? Who maintains order in his or her car?
You may or may not be able to spot these characteristics in the school pick up line. It is very difficult to figure out if those in your carpool are safe drivers. It is even more difficult to have a conversation about it because all parents will say, “Of course I put safety first and obey the laws!” Talk is cheap.
Yet, it is a conversation that could save our children’s lives. It may be easier to do so as part of a parent meeting. Carpool guidelines or pledges could be circulated through school newsletters. That could open the door to including them with the actual carpool schedule. While it may be awkward and uncomfortable to discuss these issues with other parents, it will be far worse when there is a car crash (is it really an “accident”?) and fingers are pointing.
Our kids will eventually be drivers. They will take their cue from us. If we ignore the rules, take short cuts and place convenience before safety, they are going to do the same thing. So listen to that nagging doubt when your child gets into certain cars and choose your carpool drivers carefully.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Summer's Been Great; Bring on the School Year!
Remember how it felt to go back to school after summer vacation? Most of us would have preferred the vacation continue. There are very few people who like the rigor and routine of school more than the freedom and flexibility of summer. Yet, like the end of childhood, the return to school is both inevitable and makes the summer break all the more sweet.
Unlike the end of my school year, my summer vacation really does wind down. As the start of school draws closer, I start to go to school more often. I take all the preparations I’ve been working on and put them on the table. I prepare new handouts. I decorate the classroom and dust off my office. I write letters and email students. Like slowly getting into the swimming pool, I move gently back into academic waters.
I savor summer’s end. The end of the summer usually provides my children with more free time. Camp is over but school hasn’t started. So we go to amusement parks and museums and take little “field trips” together. I try to get my preparations accomplished so that everything is ready at school about a week before the first day of class. That gives me that last week guilt free. And I spent much of that time with my children.
Although I love summer, I am not ready to for it full time. I crave the challenge and energy that I find at school. I am eager to meet new faces and find ways to help kids grow and learn. Even when I do retire, I don’t think it will be one long summer vacation. Summer vacation is rejuvenating and relaxing only because I get to use those new energies again. What use is the recharged battery if there is no outlet for its power?
At the end of the school year, I am glad to walk out the door. I am fed up with the papers and politics, the stresses and struggles. But in August, I miss my colleagues and my students. I want to catch up and get back to business. I am ready to return. I know the challenges ahead of me, and I am ready for them. My patience bucket is full again.
By using a nice part of my summer to prepare for school, I create more free time during the year. I call this amortizing my summer. If I can do much of my lesson planning during the summer, I can focus on other concerns during the school year. That could be contacting a parent or taking on a new project. It may mean trying an experiment like using Twitter in the classroom, or creating a literature podcast or working with a teacher in training. This way I can have a tiny taste of summer all year long. And working on schoolwork during the summer doesn’t taint the summer. It allows me to slow down and see things from a distance.
The flip answer to “how was your summer?” often is “not long enough” and that is usually the case for winter and spring breaks. But it is not my summer answer. I will miss the summer, that is certain. Yet, summer would not be as precious if it were year round. As I have written before, the cycles of school are powerful. They rejuvenate me and ask me to reflect and renew.
Am I ready to go back to school? Almost. School starts in one week and I’ve just about memorized my new class lists. I will have difficulty sitting through the pre-school in-services because I am so eager to meet my new kids. Bring on the students, bring on the school year!
Unlike the end of my school year, my summer vacation really does wind down. As the start of school draws closer, I start to go to school more often. I take all the preparations I’ve been working on and put them on the table. I prepare new handouts. I decorate the classroom and dust off my office. I write letters and email students. Like slowly getting into the swimming pool, I move gently back into academic waters.
I savor summer’s end. The end of the summer usually provides my children with more free time. Camp is over but school hasn’t started. So we go to amusement parks and museums and take little “field trips” together. I try to get my preparations accomplished so that everything is ready at school about a week before the first day of class. That gives me that last week guilt free. And I spent much of that time with my children.
Although I love summer, I am not ready to for it full time. I crave the challenge and energy that I find at school. I am eager to meet new faces and find ways to help kids grow and learn. Even when I do retire, I don’t think it will be one long summer vacation. Summer vacation is rejuvenating and relaxing only because I get to use those new energies again. What use is the recharged battery if there is no outlet for its power?
At the end of the school year, I am glad to walk out the door. I am fed up with the papers and politics, the stresses and struggles. But in August, I miss my colleagues and my students. I want to catch up and get back to business. I am ready to return. I know the challenges ahead of me, and I am ready for them. My patience bucket is full again.
By using a nice part of my summer to prepare for school, I create more free time during the year. I call this amortizing my summer. If I can do much of my lesson planning during the summer, I can focus on other concerns during the school year. That could be contacting a parent or taking on a new project. It may mean trying an experiment like using Twitter in the classroom, or creating a literature podcast or working with a teacher in training. This way I can have a tiny taste of summer all year long. And working on schoolwork during the summer doesn’t taint the summer. It allows me to slow down and see things from a distance.
The flip answer to “how was your summer?” often is “not long enough” and that is usually the case for winter and spring breaks. But it is not my summer answer. I will miss the summer, that is certain. Yet, summer would not be as precious if it were year round. As I have written before, the cycles of school are powerful. They rejuvenate me and ask me to reflect and renew.
Am I ready to go back to school? Almost. School starts in one week and I’ve just about memorized my new class lists. I will have difficulty sitting through the pre-school in-services because I am so eager to meet my new kids. Bring on the students, bring on the school year!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
When The Kids Are Away, Dad Misses Them
Soon, I will drive to Michigan to pick up my children. About four weeks ago, my daughter left for overnight camp. A few days later, my son joined her. Tonight, I sit in a very quiet house. Since my wife and I are both educators, when our children are away, we have long days of freedom. It is lovely and we enjoy it. We often spend part of these weeks traveling. Or when we are at home, we try catch up on movies, reading, and finding those wonderful restaurants that don’t serve the orange food that my son requires.
Yet, there is another side to my children’s absence. I do my best not to be one of “those” parents who hover and protect, enable and smother. I work against those instincts when I am aware of them. I think it is important that my children have time away from their home and parents. But I miss them. I really, really miss them.
I love the time my wife and I get to spend alone while they are gone. We usually take an annual “honeymoon” and, while we are away, it seems fair. They are on vacation and we are on vacation. We communicate with our children the old fashion way by the written word. Of course, no matter where we are, we scourer the camp website for their photographs. As long as I am distracted by a novel location and the thrill of new sights, I can fend off the longing for my kids.
But we don’t stay away as long as they are at camp. Yes, I throw myself into work. I prepare lesson plans and get the first two or three (or four) weeks of handouts copied and organized. I decorate my classroom and get ready for the start of another school year. I focus on the children who will enter my classroom and it distracts me from thoughts about my own children.
My son writes us micro-letters from camp. They are a few sentences long and communicate feeling far more than fact. Between his letters and the photos, we get a blurry view of his camp experience. My daughter, however, is a CIT, a counselor in training. She calls us periodically. She tells us about her campers, how the counselors are treating her, what happened during the day. I just listen and restrain my desire to give too much advice. Fortunately, I cannot call her. She must call me.
Recently, a friend’s Facebook status was that he was missing his kids because they were with his ex-wife for the weekend. Since my kids just left for camp, I understood his statement in a new way. I winced, thinking about a system that would make me feel this way every week or month.
Then, another thought occurred to me: college! My daughter is only two years away from leaving the nest for more than four weeks. Oh, yes, but I will not be limited to letters or one way calling. I can call whenever I want or email or send a Facebook message or…uh-oh.
So perhaps the upside of this separation is that is helping all of us see our relationships anew. It is providing us with needed distance and independence. No matter how much you love each other, some time apart is healthy. I must stop writing this blog entry now because I need to get to the camp website. It is my daily fix of my children and I really need it!
Yet, there is another side to my children’s absence. I do my best not to be one of “those” parents who hover and protect, enable and smother. I work against those instincts when I am aware of them. I think it is important that my children have time away from their home and parents. But I miss them. I really, really miss them.
I love the time my wife and I get to spend alone while they are gone. We usually take an annual “honeymoon” and, while we are away, it seems fair. They are on vacation and we are on vacation. We communicate with our children the old fashion way by the written word. Of course, no matter where we are, we scourer the camp website for their photographs. As long as I am distracted by a novel location and the thrill of new sights, I can fend off the longing for my kids.
But we don’t stay away as long as they are at camp. Yes, I throw myself into work. I prepare lesson plans and get the first two or three (or four) weeks of handouts copied and organized. I decorate my classroom and get ready for the start of another school year. I focus on the children who will enter my classroom and it distracts me from thoughts about my own children.
My son writes us micro-letters from camp. They are a few sentences long and communicate feeling far more than fact. Between his letters and the photos, we get a blurry view of his camp experience. My daughter, however, is a CIT, a counselor in training. She calls us periodically. She tells us about her campers, how the counselors are treating her, what happened during the day. I just listen and restrain my desire to give too much advice. Fortunately, I cannot call her. She must call me.
Recently, a friend’s Facebook status was that he was missing his kids because they were with his ex-wife for the weekend. Since my kids just left for camp, I understood his statement in a new way. I winced, thinking about a system that would make me feel this way every week or month.
Then, another thought occurred to me: college! My daughter is only two years away from leaving the nest for more than four weeks. Oh, yes, but I will not be limited to letters or one way calling. I can call whenever I want or email or send a Facebook message or…uh-oh.
So perhaps the upside of this separation is that is helping all of us see our relationships anew. It is providing us with needed distance and independence. No matter how much you love each other, some time apart is healthy. I must stop writing this blog entry now because I need to get to the camp website. It is my daily fix of my children and I really need it!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Street Smart or Street Stupid?
When we say, “street smarts,” we are usually talking about practical knowledge. People who are street smart, as opposed to book smart, have practical knowledge and can handle themselves in rough and tumble situations.
I want to talk about street smarts in a more literal way. I am concerned that people are not smart in the street. In other words, that their behavior as the drive and bicycle makes me wonder if we need a new term: street stupid. My daughter is a brand new driver and is often shocked at how poorly many people drive. I told her, “Not all people are poor drivers, but most of them are.” I think too many of us are street stupid and it could be deadly.
Yesterday, I saw a dad riding bicycles with his two children. Both children were wearing helmets but Dad was not. I can see the situation: Dad hits one of the many potholes in our streets and is incapacitated. Now what do the kids do? Perhaps dad is either so hardheaded or stupid that a helmet won’t make a difference. If we want our children to take proper safety precautions, what message do we send them when we fail to take those precautions ourselves? Unless there is nothing in your head worth protecting, why not wear a helmet? We need to model street smarts for our kids!
As I continue to teach my daughter to drive, I instructed her to always assume a bicycle will ignore the traffic rules. It is such a wonderful and rare exception when a bike stops at a stop sign. It is my experience that many bikes don’t even stop at traffic lights. Forget about riding in a single file line, many bikes are all over the road. Too many times, I come around a curve or turn a corner to find a bicycle heading directly toward me. Usually that rider has no helmet. Duh!
Street stupidity by bikers is liable to get them hurt or killed. When car drivers are street stupid, they are more likely to kill innocent people. How hard is it to turn on the headlights of your car? The car creates electric power, so there is no cost. The bulbs last for a long time. In my state, the law requires motorists to use their headlights if they have their windshield wipers on. Wait a minute. Isn’t that common sense? Next time it is raining or there is fog, count the number of cars without headlights on. Stupidity is rampant.
However, the place where street stupidity is an epidemic is the use of cell phones while driving. There has been a great deal of coverage of this issue in the popular press - using a cell phone, even if it is with some kind of hands-free device, is a driving distraction akin to drunk driving. How many times have you passed a driver going too slowly, driving dangerously, or not paying attention only to see that driver talking on a phone? But of course, we are better than that. We can talk on our phones and drive safely. Can we? Really? Always?
Driving while texting boggles my mind. It is in another universe from any of the other forms of street stupidity. According to the New York Times, people sending text messages will look away from the road for as much as five seconds. Think about how far a car going only thirty miles an hour can travel in five seconds. Think about the damage it can do. According to a Pew Research Center report, 27 percent of all adults and 26 percent of teens report sending text messages while driving! That means that one or more of the drivers near you on the road is probably looking at the phone and not the road.
So here is the gambit: is the cell phone call or text message worth an accident? Is it worth someone’s life? That is a loaded question. I thought about starting this posting with a quiz on each of these issues. But everyone knows the right answers. No sane, reasonable person would say that a text message or phone call was worth the pain an accident, even a minor one, would cause. Then why are so many people street stupid?
We can only hope that they don’t hurt people close to us.
I want to talk about street smarts in a more literal way. I am concerned that people are not smart in the street. In other words, that their behavior as the drive and bicycle makes me wonder if we need a new term: street stupid. My daughter is a brand new driver and is often shocked at how poorly many people drive. I told her, “Not all people are poor drivers, but most of them are.” I think too many of us are street stupid and it could be deadly.
Yesterday, I saw a dad riding bicycles with his two children. Both children were wearing helmets but Dad was not. I can see the situation: Dad hits one of the many potholes in our streets and is incapacitated. Now what do the kids do? Perhaps dad is either so hardheaded or stupid that a helmet won’t make a difference. If we want our children to take proper safety precautions, what message do we send them when we fail to take those precautions ourselves? Unless there is nothing in your head worth protecting, why not wear a helmet? We need to model street smarts for our kids!
As I continue to teach my daughter to drive, I instructed her to always assume a bicycle will ignore the traffic rules. It is such a wonderful and rare exception when a bike stops at a stop sign. It is my experience that many bikes don’t even stop at traffic lights. Forget about riding in a single file line, many bikes are all over the road. Too many times, I come around a curve or turn a corner to find a bicycle heading directly toward me. Usually that rider has no helmet. Duh!
Street stupidity by bikers is liable to get them hurt or killed. When car drivers are street stupid, they are more likely to kill innocent people. How hard is it to turn on the headlights of your car? The car creates electric power, so there is no cost. The bulbs last for a long time. In my state, the law requires motorists to use their headlights if they have their windshield wipers on. Wait a minute. Isn’t that common sense? Next time it is raining or there is fog, count the number of cars without headlights on. Stupidity is rampant.
However, the place where street stupidity is an epidemic is the use of cell phones while driving. There has been a great deal of coverage of this issue in the popular press - using a cell phone, even if it is with some kind of hands-free device, is a driving distraction akin to drunk driving. How many times have you passed a driver going too slowly, driving dangerously, or not paying attention only to see that driver talking on a phone? But of course, we are better than that. We can talk on our phones and drive safely. Can we? Really? Always?
Driving while texting boggles my mind. It is in another universe from any of the other forms of street stupidity. According to the New York Times, people sending text messages will look away from the road for as much as five seconds. Think about how far a car going only thirty miles an hour can travel in five seconds. Think about the damage it can do. According to a Pew Research Center report, 27 percent of all adults and 26 percent of teens report sending text messages while driving! That means that one or more of the drivers near you on the road is probably looking at the phone and not the road.
So here is the gambit: is the cell phone call or text message worth an accident? Is it worth someone’s life? That is a loaded question. I thought about starting this posting with a quiz on each of these issues. But everyone knows the right answers. No sane, reasonable person would say that a text message or phone call was worth the pain an accident, even a minor one, would cause. Then why are so many people street stupid?
We can only hope that they don’t hurt people close to us.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Be The Friend
Remember those childhood friendship insecurities: With whom do you sit at lunch, who says “hi” to you in the hall, who can you call and who can call you? There were people who couldn’t be friends at school but were fine being friends one on one. Navigating the friendship maze was often harrowing and disheartening. Sometimes, it seems like we have brought those friendship complexities to Facebook.
Of course, I am only friends with people I actually know on Facebook. The issue is not becoming Facebook friends with strangers. The issue is accepting or, more importantly, reaching out to people, often with whom I have a history.
What do you do when the person who hurt you in middle school sends you a friendship request on Facebook? What about people who never really talked to you? What about the acquaintances? Or those with whom you had a falling out?
As I look at the items on my newsfeed and see my friends’ new “friends,” I often ask myself, “Would it be okay for me to befriend that person?” Is requesting Facebook friendship more than saying “hi” in the hall? It certainly could be like sitting down at someone’s lunch table. If I didn’t have those privileges then, should I request them now?
Yes. Yes, I should. More than that, when I ask myself, “Is it okay to send a friendship request to this person?” I have come to the conclusion that I should always err on the side of doing so.
How do you feel when you get the notice that someone “wants to be your friend?” While sometimes there is surprise and sometimes there is that sinking “found” feeling, I’ll bet that most of the time it feels pretty good. It is like being included in the game at recess. Why not share that feeling?
What is the cost of befriending these people? If they are people I knew and are part of my past, what harm could come to me if I add them to my friend list? If they are Facebook over-posters, I can hide them from my wall without any repercussions. If I am crossing some line, then they do not have to accept my friendship invitation.
We also have to put the past in its place. Are you the same person you were when you were going to school? Would you like people to judge you today for your behavior ten, twenty or thirty years ago? When I think back to my childhood (or even my twenties), I am both proud and embarrassed. As a high school teacher, I have daily reminders of how our school years help us to figure out who we want to become. I made mistakes, lacked skills, and stepped on toes. I have forgiven myself for my past inadequacies and errors; I think I can do the same for other people.
Friendships can be renewed through Facebook. While I agree that Facebook may serve as a poor substitute for real substantive contact, it can just as easily be a way to reconnect and foster adult friendships. Facebook friendships have been the catalyst for reunions, travel visits and nostalgic phone calls, all of which are very positive.
I am not endorsing becoming friends with every person you have ever known. However, when you see that name on your newsfeed or in a friend list and you ask yourself, “Would it be okay for me to befriend that person?” ask yourself how you would feel if that person befriended you? If it would make you feel good, even just a little, do it. Be the friend.
Of course, I am only friends with people I actually know on Facebook. The issue is not becoming Facebook friends with strangers. The issue is accepting or, more importantly, reaching out to people, often with whom I have a history.
What do you do when the person who hurt you in middle school sends you a friendship request on Facebook? What about people who never really talked to you? What about the acquaintances? Or those with whom you had a falling out?
As I look at the items on my newsfeed and see my friends’ new “friends,” I often ask myself, “Would it be okay for me to befriend that person?” Is requesting Facebook friendship more than saying “hi” in the hall? It certainly could be like sitting down at someone’s lunch table. If I didn’t have those privileges then, should I request them now?
Yes. Yes, I should. More than that, when I ask myself, “Is it okay to send a friendship request to this person?” I have come to the conclusion that I should always err on the side of doing so.
How do you feel when you get the notice that someone “wants to be your friend?” While sometimes there is surprise and sometimes there is that sinking “found” feeling, I’ll bet that most of the time it feels pretty good. It is like being included in the game at recess. Why not share that feeling?
What is the cost of befriending these people? If they are people I knew and are part of my past, what harm could come to me if I add them to my friend list? If they are Facebook over-posters, I can hide them from my wall without any repercussions. If I am crossing some line, then they do not have to accept my friendship invitation.
We also have to put the past in its place. Are you the same person you were when you were going to school? Would you like people to judge you today for your behavior ten, twenty or thirty years ago? When I think back to my childhood (or even my twenties), I am both proud and embarrassed. As a high school teacher, I have daily reminders of how our school years help us to figure out who we want to become. I made mistakes, lacked skills, and stepped on toes. I have forgiven myself for my past inadequacies and errors; I think I can do the same for other people.
Friendships can be renewed through Facebook. While I agree that Facebook may serve as a poor substitute for real substantive contact, it can just as easily be a way to reconnect and foster adult friendships. Facebook friendships have been the catalyst for reunions, travel visits and nostalgic phone calls, all of which are very positive.
I am not endorsing becoming friends with every person you have ever known. However, when you see that name on your newsfeed or in a friend list and you ask yourself, “Would it be okay for me to befriend that person?” ask yourself how you would feel if that person befriended you? If it would make you feel good, even just a little, do it. Be the friend.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
No More Dopey Disappearing Dads!
Like Rodney Dangerfield, dads do not get enough respect. A father who is active and involved in his children’s lives is emasculated with the title, “Mr. Mom” which implies that what he is doing is really feminine. With some notable exceptions, Dads on television and in other forms of popular media are portrayed as bumbling fools who put the baby’s diaper on the dog. Why is positive fathering so maligned? What is it about a man who is as present in his kids’ lives as their mother that is so threatening that we turn him into a clown?
There may be several answers. The easy and pat one is that we don’t have good role models for this kind of fathering. Most of us had fathers who spent most of their lives working and were only home in the evenings, sometimes arriving after the rest of the household had finished dinner and often when the children were already asleep. Some of these families had stay-at-home moms. And even in the households with working mothers, the wife was still in charge of all the traditional parenting responsibilities. So we men haven’t seen this kind of fathering in action.
Baloney! Involved fathers have been around as long as there have been fathers. Not all fathers who were the primary breadwinners were distant and invisible. As our mothers took advantage of their new found freedom to leave the home, many households were forced to rebalance parenting functions. I would concede that the highly active father in the past stayed underground. He may have seen himself in a negative light. Why is that? Same question.
What about the “men make more money” argument? While it is true that, statistically, men earn higher wages than women, I know many families where the wife earns as much or more money than the husband. If the reason were entirely economic, we’d see families with high earning moms with stay at home dads. Why are stay at home dads so extremely rare? Again, same question.
One real reason that active Dads are undervalued is that many households are still stuck in the 1950s (or it could be 1850s) gender role rut. I still can’t figure out why, when a family goes out in Mom’s vehicle (sometimes a mini-van) that Dad has to drive. Does Mom drive when they go out in Dad’s car? Why do so many professional women take time out to raise their families when their husbands would not think once about doing so? Even in homes where both partners work, it is often mom who is solely in charge of the child related responsibilities. Why?
Because, let’s face it, men just aren’t good at those tasks. Women are more naturally maternal and they can better schedule the babysitter, drive the carpools, call the doctor and attend the school nights. Wait a minute! What is maternal (or paternal) about any of those things? None of those tasks is at all based in anything biological or even sociological. Men can schedule, drive, and go to meetings just as well (or badly) as women.
One real reason is that moms have kept dads off their turf. For a long list of reasons, many men get the clear message that they shouldn’t tread on their wives parenting territory. No one is good at changing the first dozen diapers. No one is born knowing how to confront parenting challenges. We learn by doing and if we don’t do, we don’t develop parenting skills. Men get this message from their wives, mothers, and the popular media. However, they get this message from each other as well and that is really sad.
Every couple has its divisions of labor. Sometimes these are divided by aptitude. One is just better at certain tasks. Sometimes these are divided by desire. One likes or dislikes certain chores. However, sometimes there are those plum or poison tasks that both partners want or want to avoid. Parenting is both of these and frequently mom takes them all.
Shouldn’t the main goal be what is good for the children? Is it good for the kids to have both parents active and present? Is it good for the kids to have positive nurturing female and male figures? Wouldn’t kids benefit from role models of both genders?
Men need to take responsibility and insist on being as active in their children’s lives as any other adult (including mom). Women need to welcome men as their equal partners in parenting. When they do, the big winners will be families!
There may be several answers. The easy and pat one is that we don’t have good role models for this kind of fathering. Most of us had fathers who spent most of their lives working and were only home in the evenings, sometimes arriving after the rest of the household had finished dinner and often when the children were already asleep. Some of these families had stay-at-home moms. And even in the households with working mothers, the wife was still in charge of all the traditional parenting responsibilities. So we men haven’t seen this kind of fathering in action.
Baloney! Involved fathers have been around as long as there have been fathers. Not all fathers who were the primary breadwinners were distant and invisible. As our mothers took advantage of their new found freedom to leave the home, many households were forced to rebalance parenting functions. I would concede that the highly active father in the past stayed underground. He may have seen himself in a negative light. Why is that? Same question.
What about the “men make more money” argument? While it is true that, statistically, men earn higher wages than women, I know many families where the wife earns as much or more money than the husband. If the reason were entirely economic, we’d see families with high earning moms with stay at home dads. Why are stay at home dads so extremely rare? Again, same question.
One real reason that active Dads are undervalued is that many households are still stuck in the 1950s (or it could be 1850s) gender role rut. I still can’t figure out why, when a family goes out in Mom’s vehicle (sometimes a mini-van) that Dad has to drive. Does Mom drive when they go out in Dad’s car? Why do so many professional women take time out to raise their families when their husbands would not think once about doing so? Even in homes where both partners work, it is often mom who is solely in charge of the child related responsibilities. Why?
Because, let’s face it, men just aren’t good at those tasks. Women are more naturally maternal and they can better schedule the babysitter, drive the carpools, call the doctor and attend the school nights. Wait a minute! What is maternal (or paternal) about any of those things? None of those tasks is at all based in anything biological or even sociological. Men can schedule, drive, and go to meetings just as well (or badly) as women.
One real reason is that moms have kept dads off their turf. For a long list of reasons, many men get the clear message that they shouldn’t tread on their wives parenting territory. No one is good at changing the first dozen diapers. No one is born knowing how to confront parenting challenges. We learn by doing and if we don’t do, we don’t develop parenting skills. Men get this message from their wives, mothers, and the popular media. However, they get this message from each other as well and that is really sad.
Every couple has its divisions of labor. Sometimes these are divided by aptitude. One is just better at certain tasks. Sometimes these are divided by desire. One likes or dislikes certain chores. However, sometimes there are those plum or poison tasks that both partners want or want to avoid. Parenting is both of these and frequently mom takes them all.
Shouldn’t the main goal be what is good for the children? Is it good for the kids to have both parents active and present? Is it good for the kids to have positive nurturing female and male figures? Wouldn’t kids benefit from role models of both genders?
Men need to take responsibility and insist on being as active in their children’s lives as any other adult (including mom). Women need to welcome men as their equal partners in parenting. When they do, the big winners will be families!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
My School Year in Tweets
This year, I tried an experiment. At the end of each class period, one student in class would write a tweet that summarized the class period, captured an important moment or connected to something we were doing. Once in a while, I wrote a tweet too. Here is my school year in tweets:
• Ready to go! I am looking forward to meeting everyone and learning together!
• Wow! An all male Freshman English class!
• First day of Senior Year!
• Keep Sesame Street clean!
• Ewww, college essays and recommendations. Personality not generality.
• All guys and we all got A's for today!
• We read together. It was weird but awesome.
• Started off OF MICE AND MEN. Loved it!
• Broken Gourd, culture, personal essays: personal and show me, don't tell me.
• Bad essays!
• Taste test of essays - boy was that boring.
• Use your phone, take pictures of notes.
• “Grammar Girl and grading system.
• Success today does not guarantee success tomorrow.”
• " The best laid schemes o' mice and men go astray.
• Who got in" activity was helpful
• Looking back, self grading, feedback; our fingers are exhausted!
• We wrote essays and expanded our minds.
• Spoilers don't always spoil.
• Extreme thesis writing!
• Pull the trigger on Facebook
• Ayn Rand is confusing; being great is bad? :)
• We controlled the Dominican Republic - twice.
• The stapleless stapler saves staples.
• What is politics? We were political.
• Not enough pink!
• Kick me, literary terms, puzzle, and name game.
• Inner-outer discussion and super sheet fantastical quiz.
• Principal visit!
• What do you watch? Mr. Hirsch loves Star Trek, a little too much.
• Musical chairs with responding to the book. Grammar Girl is coming!
• Dictatorship bad!
• Aliens in Toronto.
• We are powerful!
• Silence is golden....or is it?
• Blithe Spirit presentation: Love Triangles!
• Mr. Hirsch is a frightened freshman, WERCS visit.
• Quiz (which was pretty fun)
• EEEEdipus's acting is a tragedy.
• Brain vomit
• No plagiarizing! Don’t tell freshmen!
• Is it Thursday yet?
• Major research. Shakespeare is fun!
• "Ethnomusicology is the study of music of ethnic groups."
• There is a Raisin that is in the Sun
• Grammar Girl is coming to town!
• Major work, major questions, major grades.
• Scene cut because of racism.
• Protestant or Catholic ghosts?
• Previously on RAISIN IN THE SUN...
• Modern Shakespeare, 2009 lingo!
• Ouch! RAISIN Act 3 Quiz didn't go well.
• Thanks for a fantastic visit, Grammar Girl!
• "More than kin but less than kind."
• Hamlet and his women!
• Live the Creed!
• "Hamlet is a whipper snapper."
• Read Creed.
• "Oh, no. Here comes Dad."
• Hamlet in a hurry.
• Is Creed dead?
• Yorick!
• Hamlet's dead!!!
• Creed questions and Creed connections!
• In class essay test: WWHD?
• I support school chest!
• Influences on Torey, quiz, NO SNEEZING!
• Heads!
• Everyone's here! We took a picture.
• Chocolate (and questions and killing a fly and themes and rubrics)
• "There were answers everywhere you looked."
• Clever Hans is a smart - - - donkey.
• I'm on a boat!
• Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead - for real!
• Santa is magical, he breaks all rules of physics!
• Snow day, PLEASE!
• Projects, projects, projects
• The final: put up or shut up.
• Work, work, work!
• Online grading is crazy.
• For my senior project, I will be stalking my ex-boyfriend.
• Poetry is..
• Dandelions? Really!
• You're insane if you don't vote for McMurphy.
• Romeo loves himself.
• We want the radio voice!
• Pimped out Romeo and Juliet.
• Dead people everywhere!
• Research makes us have to go to the bathroom.
• What about Officer Krupke?
• New people Mr. Hirsch scared away.
• Herro very botiful Amellican girl!
• Watch that sarcasm!
• No one has any ideas about what they want to say in their graduation speech.
• Mr. Hirsch is a _____ teacher. Feedback survey.
• Sack to your beats, gadies and lentlemen.
• Light’s out, school’s off!
• Mr. Scott killed with lots of knives in the elevator
• Recalled to life.
• (creative and thoughtful tweet)
• We got grilled!
• Fake quiz; scared us all!
• Weedy for the geekend!
• Echoes, shadows and colours, oh, my!
• The end is nearer.
• Still knitting!
• "Bush Pigs"
• Quotes, quotes, quotes, and more quotes!
• What does catfish mean?
• Senior Project day 386543
• Shopping for essays.
• Darney – should he stay or should he go?
• This essay is bad, this one is good
• We were small but mighty!
• Unexpected no school day. How nice!
• Senior's last day! Thank you for flying Senior English!
• Tale of Two Cities is heating up!
• Congratulations to the Deerfield High School class of 2010!
• May the farce be with you!
• Our last class. Thanks for flying Freshman English! It has been a fantastic year.
• Ready to go! I am looking forward to meeting everyone and learning together!
• Wow! An all male Freshman English class!
• First day of Senior Year!
• Keep Sesame Street clean!
• Ewww, college essays and recommendations. Personality not generality.
• All guys and we all got A's for today!
• We read together. It was weird but awesome.
• Started off OF MICE AND MEN. Loved it!
• Broken Gourd, culture, personal essays: personal and show me, don't tell me.
• Bad essays!
• Taste test of essays - boy was that boring.
• Use your phone, take pictures of notes.
• “Grammar Girl and grading system.
• Success today does not guarantee success tomorrow.”
• " The best laid schemes o' mice and men go astray.
• Who got in" activity was helpful
• Looking back, self grading, feedback; our fingers are exhausted!
• We wrote essays and expanded our minds.
• Spoilers don't always spoil.
• Extreme thesis writing!
• Pull the trigger on Facebook
• Ayn Rand is confusing; being great is bad? :)
• We controlled the Dominican Republic - twice.
• The stapleless stapler saves staples.
• What is politics? We were political.
• Not enough pink!
• Kick me, literary terms, puzzle, and name game.
• Inner-outer discussion and super sheet fantastical quiz.
• Principal visit!
• What do you watch? Mr. Hirsch loves Star Trek, a little too much.
• Musical chairs with responding to the book. Grammar Girl is coming!
• Dictatorship bad!
• Aliens in Toronto.
• We are powerful!
• Silence is golden....or is it?
• Blithe Spirit presentation: Love Triangles!
• Mr. Hirsch is a frightened freshman, WERCS visit.
• Quiz (which was pretty fun)
• EEEEdipus's acting is a tragedy.
• Brain vomit
• No plagiarizing! Don’t tell freshmen!
• Is it Thursday yet?
• Major research. Shakespeare is fun!
• "Ethnomusicology is the study of music of ethnic groups."
• There is a Raisin that is in the Sun
• Grammar Girl is coming to town!
• Major work, major questions, major grades.
• Scene cut because of racism.
• Protestant or Catholic ghosts?
• Previously on RAISIN IN THE SUN...
• Modern Shakespeare, 2009 lingo!
• Ouch! RAISIN Act 3 Quiz didn't go well.
• Thanks for a fantastic visit, Grammar Girl!
• "More than kin but less than kind."
• Hamlet and his women!
• Live the Creed!
• "Hamlet is a whipper snapper."
• Read Creed.
• "Oh, no. Here comes Dad."
• Hamlet in a hurry.
• Is Creed dead?
• Yorick!
• Hamlet's dead!!!
• Creed questions and Creed connections!
• In class essay test: WWHD?
• I support school chest!
• Influences on Torey, quiz, NO SNEEZING!
• Heads!
• Everyone's here! We took a picture.
• Chocolate (and questions and killing a fly and themes and rubrics)
• "There were answers everywhere you looked."
• Clever Hans is a smart - - - donkey.
• I'm on a boat!
• Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead - for real!
• Santa is magical, he breaks all rules of physics!
• Snow day, PLEASE!
• Projects, projects, projects
• The final: put up or shut up.
• Work, work, work!
• Online grading is crazy.
• For my senior project, I will be stalking my ex-boyfriend.
• Poetry is..
• Dandelions? Really!
• You're insane if you don't vote for McMurphy.
• Romeo loves himself.
• We want the radio voice!
• Pimped out Romeo and Juliet.
• Dead people everywhere!
• Research makes us have to go to the bathroom.
• What about Officer Krupke?
• New people Mr. Hirsch scared away.
• Herro very botiful Amellican girl!
• Watch that sarcasm!
• No one has any ideas about what they want to say in their graduation speech.
• Mr. Hirsch is a _____ teacher. Feedback survey.
• Sack to your beats, gadies and lentlemen.
• Light’s out, school’s off!
• Mr. Scott killed with lots of knives in the elevator
• Recalled to life.
• (creative and thoughtful tweet)
• We got grilled!
• Fake quiz; scared us all!
• Weedy for the geekend!
• Echoes, shadows and colours, oh, my!
• The end is nearer.
• Still knitting!
• "Bush Pigs"
• Quotes, quotes, quotes, and more quotes!
• What does catfish mean?
• Senior Project day 386543
• Shopping for essays.
• Darney – should he stay or should he go?
• This essay is bad, this one is good
• We were small but mighty!
• Unexpected no school day. How nice!
• Senior's last day! Thank you for flying Senior English!
• Tale of Two Cities is heating up!
• Congratulations to the Deerfield High School class of 2010!
• May the farce be with you!
• Our last class. Thanks for flying Freshman English! It has been a fantastic year.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Summer's Arrival, Students' Departure
While almost everyone in school is aching for summer break and the end of classes, this time of year also has a sad side. Although graduation is a celebration and a joyous landmark event, it is also a good-bye. With very few exceptions, I don’t want to let go of my students.
This year, I have a dynamic Freshman English class. Although it would be wonderful to stay together for Sophomore English, it is not possible. Yes, I have taught Sophomore English as recently as last year. However, all my freshmen are not all taking the same variety of Sophomore English. They are signing up for specialized classes that make each of their schedules unique. Whatever period we put our “year two” class, it would not work for some of them.
Yet, I will see them in the halls. Some may become involved with the club that I sponsor. Some will be back in my class later in their high school careers. It is only an ending for this group.
With seniors, the departure is far more real and, in a vast majority of the cases, permanent. I tell my seniors that I expect them to come and visit me and let me know about their college progress. I ask them to help advise my new seniors on the Senior-Alumni Dialogue page on Facebook. After class ends, but before graduation, I send them an email congratulating them and leaving the metaphoric door open.
I wrote them a letter on their first day of class, so it is fitting to send them a letter as they finish their time in high school. I tell them, “I have great faith that you are ready for the challenges that lie ahead. Some of these may seem daunting but I fervently believe that you have the capacity to meet the future with intelligence, humility and compassion.” The letter goes on to remind them about some of the skills we studied together and the values that drove them.
The rest of the letter is a thank you note: “I don’t think you, my students, realize the remarkable impact you have on me. People often talk about special teachers who touched their lives. We remember them and honor their influence. What you may not realize is that students are just as critical in the shaping of teachers. Teachers carry the lessons they learn from students from class to class and year to year. How I interacted with you, just a few years or days ago, changed me. Likewise, my classes next year will color my future decisions. When I make these choices, I think of the students who taught me how to be a better teacher. To a great degree, my past students have made me the teacher I am. I will think of you as I return to those lessons we shared. You may be graduating, but I will carry you into next year’s class and all the classes that follow. Thus, I want to say thank you; thank you for all you have taught me. If I am a “decent” teacher, it is due, in large measure, to you, the fantastic students with whom I have studied. You have generously and unselfishly taught me what it means to learn and study. Every day, every semester, year after year you are with me and I am eternally grateful.”
While I hope that each student will stay in touch with me, I know this is my last contact for a vast majority. However, a part of them will be with me in class. And when I see them again, it will be an opportunity to tell them, “I was just thinking of you!”
This year, I have a dynamic Freshman English class. Although it would be wonderful to stay together for Sophomore English, it is not possible. Yes, I have taught Sophomore English as recently as last year. However, all my freshmen are not all taking the same variety of Sophomore English. They are signing up for specialized classes that make each of their schedules unique. Whatever period we put our “year two” class, it would not work for some of them.
Yet, I will see them in the halls. Some may become involved with the club that I sponsor. Some will be back in my class later in their high school careers. It is only an ending for this group.
With seniors, the departure is far more real and, in a vast majority of the cases, permanent. I tell my seniors that I expect them to come and visit me and let me know about their college progress. I ask them to help advise my new seniors on the Senior-Alumni Dialogue page on Facebook. After class ends, but before graduation, I send them an email congratulating them and leaving the metaphoric door open.
I wrote them a letter on their first day of class, so it is fitting to send them a letter as they finish their time in high school. I tell them, “I have great faith that you are ready for the challenges that lie ahead. Some of these may seem daunting but I fervently believe that you have the capacity to meet the future with intelligence, humility and compassion.” The letter goes on to remind them about some of the skills we studied together and the values that drove them.
The rest of the letter is a thank you note: “I don’t think you, my students, realize the remarkable impact you have on me. People often talk about special teachers who touched their lives. We remember them and honor their influence. What you may not realize is that students are just as critical in the shaping of teachers. Teachers carry the lessons they learn from students from class to class and year to year. How I interacted with you, just a few years or days ago, changed me. Likewise, my classes next year will color my future decisions. When I make these choices, I think of the students who taught me how to be a better teacher. To a great degree, my past students have made me the teacher I am. I will think of you as I return to those lessons we shared. You may be graduating, but I will carry you into next year’s class and all the classes that follow. Thus, I want to say thank you; thank you for all you have taught me. If I am a “decent” teacher, it is due, in large measure, to you, the fantastic students with whom I have studied. You have generously and unselfishly taught me what it means to learn and study. Every day, every semester, year after year you are with me and I am eternally grateful.”
While I hope that each student will stay in touch with me, I know this is my last contact for a vast majority. However, a part of them will be with me in class. And when I see them again, it will be an opportunity to tell them, “I was just thinking of you!”
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Politics or Basketball
As a District 113 parent and teacher, the national media attention regarding Highland Park High School’s girls’ basketball team hits close to home. The questions seem to be: should the team be allowed to play in a tournament in Arizona? Was this choice a political statement or a means to protect children?
Why does a coach or teacher take a group out of town in the first place? Is a plane ride to Arizona going to provide a better basketball experience than one that requires a bus ride? As with all educational activities, educators choose the best options to meet their learning targets. Whether it is a trip to China, Indianapolis, or Disney World, the choice should be in the best educational interests of the students. Yes, this is a basketball team not a class. However, all school activities must have educational worth. As many people will attest, significant learning occurs through participation in athletics.
Taking a group of students out of town is a big deal. Guiding a large group through the airport, managing tickets, medicines, permission slips, and personalities makes trips like this tournament a logistical challenge. The costs add another layer to the complexity. Trips like the proposed Arizona tournament can put financial strain on families.
Why pick Arizona or any other tournament? Why reject it? What are the criteria? The coach must consider the logistics: can families afford to pay the necessary costs? Can we get there and back in time? There are always alternatives: is Arizona a better tournament than any others? What makes one tournament better?
Certainly the level of competition and opportunities for learning should be foremost factors in making this choice. The trip should be attractive to students and it should be worth their time and money to go. Like any other learning activity, it should be a match for the needs and skills of the students.
Are there any factors that would disqualify a choice? Some locations are very expensive. I am concerned when the costs of school sponsored trips become so expensive that they seem to be only for wealthier families. Even with scholarship money, fund raising revenues and educational discounts, it is hard to justify huge price tags for experiences like these trips.
Safety is a key issue too. No school group should go to places that are on the State Department’s travel advisory list. I would wonder about any “extreme adventure” travel destinations with young people. Safety also has different meanings depending on the age of the students. Issues regarding alcohol and other substances must be taken into account.
What if a location is inappropriate or uncomfortable for some students in the group? When I teach a book that deals with a specific social group or issue, I try to be aware of students for whom this topic is personal. No book or travel destination is the be all and end all. There are always alternatives.
Should an educator pick a travel destination that puts a student at potential risk? All travel involves some form of risk. Where is the line? On the continuum, I would want my children going on trips with the least possible risk. If an alterative exists that makes the trip more safe and comfortable for even one child without harming the others, why not take that alterative?
Would any of the players on the Highland Park girls’ basketball team be at risk in Arizona? Would they feel uncomfortable or feel anxious there? Would their families have worries, concerns, or misgivings about the trip? Should the coach and the district take any of these issues into account when choosing where to go?
If there is a suitable alterative to Arizona, why not go there? If the team can have as good an experience, and learn and play together in a place that does not pose these issues, wouldn’t that be a better choice?
Being a good teacher means taking good care of all students. Anxious kids don’t learn well. Distracted and worried kids don’t perform well in the classroom or on the court. Being a responsible educator means making sure kids are in an environment where learning- and playing basketball- can be the primary focus.
Many have been debating if it is appropriate for a school to make a political statement with a trip like this. School representatives have stated that their decision was not politically motivated. Politics have stolen the ball. The team and its needs should be the subject of the debate. If the debate over the Arizona location has shifted the focus that far off the court, then it is clearly not the best choice for these young people and this school.
Why does a coach or teacher take a group out of town in the first place? Is a plane ride to Arizona going to provide a better basketball experience than one that requires a bus ride? As with all educational activities, educators choose the best options to meet their learning targets. Whether it is a trip to China, Indianapolis, or Disney World, the choice should be in the best educational interests of the students. Yes, this is a basketball team not a class. However, all school activities must have educational worth. As many people will attest, significant learning occurs through participation in athletics.
Taking a group of students out of town is a big deal. Guiding a large group through the airport, managing tickets, medicines, permission slips, and personalities makes trips like this tournament a logistical challenge. The costs add another layer to the complexity. Trips like the proposed Arizona tournament can put financial strain on families.
Why pick Arizona or any other tournament? Why reject it? What are the criteria? The coach must consider the logistics: can families afford to pay the necessary costs? Can we get there and back in time? There are always alternatives: is Arizona a better tournament than any others? What makes one tournament better?
Certainly the level of competition and opportunities for learning should be foremost factors in making this choice. The trip should be attractive to students and it should be worth their time and money to go. Like any other learning activity, it should be a match for the needs and skills of the students.
Are there any factors that would disqualify a choice? Some locations are very expensive. I am concerned when the costs of school sponsored trips become so expensive that they seem to be only for wealthier families. Even with scholarship money, fund raising revenues and educational discounts, it is hard to justify huge price tags for experiences like these trips.
Safety is a key issue too. No school group should go to places that are on the State Department’s travel advisory list. I would wonder about any “extreme adventure” travel destinations with young people. Safety also has different meanings depending on the age of the students. Issues regarding alcohol and other substances must be taken into account.
What if a location is inappropriate or uncomfortable for some students in the group? When I teach a book that deals with a specific social group or issue, I try to be aware of students for whom this topic is personal. No book or travel destination is the be all and end all. There are always alternatives.
Should an educator pick a travel destination that puts a student at potential risk? All travel involves some form of risk. Where is the line? On the continuum, I would want my children going on trips with the least possible risk. If an alterative exists that makes the trip more safe and comfortable for even one child without harming the others, why not take that alterative?
Would any of the players on the Highland Park girls’ basketball team be at risk in Arizona? Would they feel uncomfortable or feel anxious there? Would their families have worries, concerns, or misgivings about the trip? Should the coach and the district take any of these issues into account when choosing where to go?
If there is a suitable alterative to Arizona, why not go there? If the team can have as good an experience, and learn and play together in a place that does not pose these issues, wouldn’t that be a better choice?
Being a good teacher means taking good care of all students. Anxious kids don’t learn well. Distracted and worried kids don’t perform well in the classroom or on the court. Being a responsible educator means making sure kids are in an environment where learning- and playing basketball- can be the primary focus.
Many have been debating if it is appropriate for a school to make a political statement with a trip like this. School representatives have stated that their decision was not politically motivated. Politics have stolen the ball. The team and its needs should be the subject of the debate. If the debate over the Arizona location has shifted the focus that far off the court, then it is clearly not the best choice for these young people and this school.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Words of Fire: Part 2
There are plenty of pieces of literature that I love and many of them really work in the classroom. I enjoy teaching Shakespeare. A student once asked why we study Shakespeare. I asked him if he wanted the company line or the real reason. The company line is that it makes students culturally literate, helps teach decoding, will be useful in future English classes and blah, blah, blah. I told the young man that I wanted to show students something that was really beautiful! I wanted them to be able to understand and appreciate why Shakespeare’s plays were magnificent.
It is that enjoyment of language and playfulness with words that Shakespeare engenders made me think that what I wanted to write about was one of Will Shortz’s Sunday word games. I have used these in class for many years and kids love playing with language. I want my class to be a language playground with fun rides and challenging tasks.
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.’s collection of short stories, Welcome to the Monkey House is always a huge success and for good reason. Students are challenged to go beyond the surface meanings and examine Vonnegut’s social satire. Some of the stories have a science fiction flavor while others are very much grounded in our contemporary world. Vonnegut wonders if, “most of the world’s ills can be traced to the fact that Man’s knowledge of himself has not kept pace with his knowledge of the physical world.” Vonnegut’s stories ask students (and me) what really makes us human beings and what elements in our world threaten that? What do we become when we sacrifice our humanity for convenience, beauty, longevity, or power?
Although I’ve never taught one of Robert Heinlein’s works of science fiction, I would love to do so. I remember the aphorisms that are the intermissions in his novel Time Enough For Love. Lazarus Long’s little lists of wisdom spoke to me so strongly that many of them still go through my head on a daily basis. Here are only a few:
“Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Does history record any case in which the majority was right?
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it. “
I have used some of these statements as the seeds of debates in Sophomore English and they have appeared on t-shirts for the writing performance club I sponsor. Maybe someday, my students and l will read Stranger In A Strange Land and grok together!
I am not sure that this is what my department chair was assigning. When I asked some of my colleagues what they were doing, one just said, “Don’t over think it, David. Just find a poem you like and write about why you like it.” I hope that isn’t what this is about. In any case, that is not what the assignment will be for me.
And that choice is perhaps the best reflection of me as a teacher. I made the assignment my own. I took it where I needed to go with it. If students have the skill and freedom to do that in my classroom, that will be my real “fire.”
It is that enjoyment of language and playfulness with words that Shakespeare engenders made me think that what I wanted to write about was one of Will Shortz’s Sunday word games. I have used these in class for many years and kids love playing with language. I want my class to be a language playground with fun rides and challenging tasks.
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.’s collection of short stories, Welcome to the Monkey House is always a huge success and for good reason. Students are challenged to go beyond the surface meanings and examine Vonnegut’s social satire. Some of the stories have a science fiction flavor while others are very much grounded in our contemporary world. Vonnegut wonders if, “most of the world’s ills can be traced to the fact that Man’s knowledge of himself has not kept pace with his knowledge of the physical world.” Vonnegut’s stories ask students (and me) what really makes us human beings and what elements in our world threaten that? What do we become when we sacrifice our humanity for convenience, beauty, longevity, or power?
Although I’ve never taught one of Robert Heinlein’s works of science fiction, I would love to do so. I remember the aphorisms that are the intermissions in his novel Time Enough For Love. Lazarus Long’s little lists of wisdom spoke to me so strongly that many of them still go through my head on a daily basis. Here are only a few:
“Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Does history record any case in which the majority was right?
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it. “
I have used some of these statements as the seeds of debates in Sophomore English and they have appeared on t-shirts for the writing performance club I sponsor. Maybe someday, my students and l will read Stranger In A Strange Land and grok together!
I am not sure that this is what my department chair was assigning. When I asked some of my colleagues what they were doing, one just said, “Don’t over think it, David. Just find a poem you like and write about why you like it.” I hope that isn’t what this is about. In any case, that is not what the assignment will be for me.
And that choice is perhaps the best reflection of me as a teacher. I made the assignment my own. I took it where I needed to go with it. If students have the skill and freedom to do that in my classroom, that will be my real “fire.”
Words Of Fire: Part 1
Recently, my department chairman asked all of us to write about a piece of literature that was important to us. He asked us to find a quotation and then write about what it means to us. His assignment was based on the collection, Teaching with Fire, which is described as a, “glorious collection of the poetry that has restored the faith of teachers in the highest, most transcendent values of their work with children.”
What do I choose? What do I write about? Frankly, I haven’t had a crisis of faith about teaching, so there hasn’t been a piece of literature that has restored it. I do not have a single text that is my touchstone and source. So I tried to reframe the assignment: could I find a piece of literature that represented my teaching values? What about a piece of literature that I loved? How about something that really worked in the classroom?
The real source of my teaching values is my own educational experience. It was in the classrooms of giving and gifted educators that I discovered the reasons I am a teacher. It helped that I studied with the same college professors who had trained many of my high school teachers. My mentors’ mentors guided me! Yet, I can clearly recall a statement that shaped my beliefs and crystallized my “prime directive:” the goal that I should do everything I can to foster the independence of my students. So it made perfect sense, when I read about the concept of approval/disapproval in Viola Spolin’s Improvisation for the Theater:
“We either fear that we will not get approval, or we accept outside comment and interpretation unquestionably. In a culture where approval/disapproval has become the predominate regulator of effort and position, and often the substitute for love, our personal freedoms are dissipated… We do not know our own substance, and in the attempt to live through (or avoid living through) the eyes of others, self-identity is obscured, our bodies become misshapened, natural grace is gone and learning is affected…The expectancy of judgment prevents free relationships within the acting workshop…True personal freedom and self-expression can flower only in an atmosphere where attitudes permit equality between student and teacher and the dependencies of teacher for student and student for teacher are done away with. The problems within the subject matter will teach both of them.”
I clearly remember the extensive discussion of this concept in my college class. The goal is to help students find intrinsic motivation for their learning rather than do it to be patted on the head like a good dog. We were warned against motivating students merely with the desire to please us, their teachers, or the fear of displeasing us. Instead, we were challenged with the task of helping them meet the subject matter on their own terms and find themselves in the learning. It is a powerful and difficult concept. With each of my choices in the classroom, I try to say to my students, “don’t do this for me; don’t do this because I will smile or frown on you; don’t do this because you like or dislike me. It isn’t about me. It is about you.” It is my job as the teacher to create the environment and circumstances for my students’ learning and then get out of the way!
What do I choose? What do I write about? Frankly, I haven’t had a crisis of faith about teaching, so there hasn’t been a piece of literature that has restored it. I do not have a single text that is my touchstone and source. So I tried to reframe the assignment: could I find a piece of literature that represented my teaching values? What about a piece of literature that I loved? How about something that really worked in the classroom?
The real source of my teaching values is my own educational experience. It was in the classrooms of giving and gifted educators that I discovered the reasons I am a teacher. It helped that I studied with the same college professors who had trained many of my high school teachers. My mentors’ mentors guided me! Yet, I can clearly recall a statement that shaped my beliefs and crystallized my “prime directive:” the goal that I should do everything I can to foster the independence of my students. So it made perfect sense, when I read about the concept of approval/disapproval in Viola Spolin’s Improvisation for the Theater:
“We either fear that we will not get approval, or we accept outside comment and interpretation unquestionably. In a culture where approval/disapproval has become the predominate regulator of effort and position, and often the substitute for love, our personal freedoms are dissipated… We do not know our own substance, and in the attempt to live through (or avoid living through) the eyes of others, self-identity is obscured, our bodies become misshapened, natural grace is gone and learning is affected…The expectancy of judgment prevents free relationships within the acting workshop…True personal freedom and self-expression can flower only in an atmosphere where attitudes permit equality between student and teacher and the dependencies of teacher for student and student for teacher are done away with. The problems within the subject matter will teach both of them.”
I clearly remember the extensive discussion of this concept in my college class. The goal is to help students find intrinsic motivation for their learning rather than do it to be patted on the head like a good dog. We were warned against motivating students merely with the desire to please us, their teachers, or the fear of displeasing us. Instead, we were challenged with the task of helping them meet the subject matter on their own terms and find themselves in the learning. It is a powerful and difficult concept. With each of my choices in the classroom, I try to say to my students, “don’t do this for me; don’t do this because I will smile or frown on you; don’t do this because you like or dislike me. It isn’t about me. It is about you.” It is my job as the teacher to create the environment and circumstances for my students’ learning and then get out of the way!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Whose Education Is it Anyway?
Let’s face it, teenagers can’t do anything right. If you let them do what they want, they will just hurt themselves and create expensive problems. It is up to their parents to make the right choices, ensure they get good grades, get into good colleges and are able to do the same for their children.
As my children grow up, I supervise every aspect of their lives. Homework is monitored at the kitchen table every night. I sit down with them and get things started and then I guide them through each math problem or science worksheet. I outline their essays in advance and mark important passages in each book. We often read aloud and I go over the themes, characters and other concepts aloud.
When problems arise, which happens all too frequently with children of this age, I take charge and make sure that my kids don’t have to deal with any unpleasantness. If a teacher gives one of my kids a poor grade or they do not make the team or play, or are unfairly punished, I am on the phone right away. Many a time have I had to march right into that school to defend my children! I will not permit anyone, no matter what degrees they may have, to treat my children unjustly.
Each morning, I wake up my kids and get them into the shower. Sometimes, I have to check to be sure that they are using soap. You know how children will be! I make their beds and prepare breakfast while they are getting dressed. As I am laying out their lunches, books, and backpacks, we discuss the agenda for the day. Then we load up the SUV and it is off to school. Time seems to fly and I am always at the head of the line to pick them up at the end of the day. We get home and have a snack that I have prepared in advance. Depending on the evening, we will have a variety of activities and, of course, plenty of homework together.
Recently, we have begun the college search . I attended two programs at the high school discussing this process. I took a great deal of notes and I had lots of questions. I have hired a private college counselor to assist me, and we are developing a close relationship.
I have contacted my child’s favorite teachers and requested letters of recommendation. I am spending my afternoons filling out all the paperwork. There are so many forms to fill out. I am so busy dealing with financial aid surveys, online applications, transcript requests and standardized testing dates.
Frankly, I don’t know what I am going to do when my kids go to college. I want them to go to really good schools, so that means that they will most likely be on the east coast or in northern California. I have researched the costs of condominiums in those areas and I think it is practical to have additional homes near their colleges. I think it is cruel to expect children of this age to move away from their parents. It is not reasonable to think that they can navigate the complexities of college life without their parents’ love and assistance. Besides, whose paying for all this anyway?
As my children grow up, I supervise every aspect of their lives. Homework is monitored at the kitchen table every night. I sit down with them and get things started and then I guide them through each math problem or science worksheet. I outline their essays in advance and mark important passages in each book. We often read aloud and I go over the themes, characters and other concepts aloud.
When problems arise, which happens all too frequently with children of this age, I take charge and make sure that my kids don’t have to deal with any unpleasantness. If a teacher gives one of my kids a poor grade or they do not make the team or play, or are unfairly punished, I am on the phone right away. Many a time have I had to march right into that school to defend my children! I will not permit anyone, no matter what degrees they may have, to treat my children unjustly.
Each morning, I wake up my kids and get them into the shower. Sometimes, I have to check to be sure that they are using soap. You know how children will be! I make their beds and prepare breakfast while they are getting dressed. As I am laying out their lunches, books, and backpacks, we discuss the agenda for the day. Then we load up the SUV and it is off to school. Time seems to fly and I am always at the head of the line to pick them up at the end of the day. We get home and have a snack that I have prepared in advance. Depending on the evening, we will have a variety of activities and, of course, plenty of homework together.
Recently, we have begun the college search . I attended two programs at the high school discussing this process. I took a great deal of notes and I had lots of questions. I have hired a private college counselor to assist me, and we are developing a close relationship.
I have contacted my child’s favorite teachers and requested letters of recommendation. I am spending my afternoons filling out all the paperwork. There are so many forms to fill out. I am so busy dealing with financial aid surveys, online applications, transcript requests and standardized testing dates.
Frankly, I don’t know what I am going to do when my kids go to college. I want them to go to really good schools, so that means that they will most likely be on the east coast or in northern California. I have researched the costs of condominiums in those areas and I think it is practical to have additional homes near their colleges. I think it is cruel to expect children of this age to move away from their parents. It is not reasonable to think that they can navigate the complexities of college life without their parents’ love and assistance. Besides, whose paying for all this anyway?
Sunday, February 7, 2010
A Bomb of A Tantrum
There are many ways that parents deal with children’s tantrums. How parents handle tantrums is a good indicator of who is really in charge: the parent or the child. Effective parents know, if you give in to children’s tantrums, they learn that such tactics work and more will follow.
On Tuesday, our school found a threat written on a bathroom stall indicating there would be a bomb on Friday. This is the second time this has happened. Kids have learned that this kind of tantrum works; they can take our school hostage with a bit of graffiti.
Although threats like these happen in many schools, none have ever been carried out. There has never been a school bombing in Illinois. However, it is natural for this kind of incident to make parents anxious. Some parents and children are so anxious that they could not function while worrying about a threat like this.
However, most people understand that this is merely a tantrum, an attempt at manipulation on the part of a misguided child. The police call it, a “low level threat.” Yet, school attendance plummets on these days. Although our school reported 70% attendance on that Friday, I saw fewer than half my students. Are there that many parents and students for whom this anxiety is paralyzing?
No. Students are very open about their motives. They talk about taking advantage of both the situation and their parents. “If I can get my parents to let me have a day off, I am going to take it,” they say. It is not about bomb anxiety.
On Friday, our school was safer than it has ever been. If parents wanted their children to be in a safe place, those kids would have been at school. Police canine units had swept the building. All students and staff’s bags were checked on the way in. Police were in and around the building. Our school was a fortress. Students were in far more danger out of school, especially if their parents left them alone. So why did thirty percent of parents allow their kids to stay home?
That is the question. Kids are open about the manipulation involved. Are parents aware they are being played? And what did kids do with their day off?
The sad truth is that too many parents are not in charge. Too many teenagers run the home and make the real decisions. The real scare is not of a bomb, but of an epidemic of weak and ineffectual parenting.
The child who wrote the bomb threat is manipulating the entire community and these parents are giving in to the tantrum. If everyone came to school and held a regular day of classes, there would be no incentive for students to write threats in bathrooms. These parents are encouraging this behavior to the detriment of the entire school system. We all suffer because of their poor decisions.
No wonder weak parenting has bred the entitled child epidemic. And never was this problem clearer than on Friday. Entitled children and their wimpy parents allowed the entire school to be held hostage. Thousands of dollars were spent and who knows how much was lost in state funding because parents could not say to kids, “I know you would like a day off, but it really is safe to go to school today.” If everyone came to school normally, we would be far less likely to have another bomb scare. Children throw tantrums sometimes – even dangerous and scary ones. Giving in only reinforces that negative behavior and encourages more of it.
On Tuesday, our school found a threat written on a bathroom stall indicating there would be a bomb on Friday. This is the second time this has happened. Kids have learned that this kind of tantrum works; they can take our school hostage with a bit of graffiti.
Although threats like these happen in many schools, none have ever been carried out. There has never been a school bombing in Illinois. However, it is natural for this kind of incident to make parents anxious. Some parents and children are so anxious that they could not function while worrying about a threat like this.
However, most people understand that this is merely a tantrum, an attempt at manipulation on the part of a misguided child. The police call it, a “low level threat.” Yet, school attendance plummets on these days. Although our school reported 70% attendance on that Friday, I saw fewer than half my students. Are there that many parents and students for whom this anxiety is paralyzing?
No. Students are very open about their motives. They talk about taking advantage of both the situation and their parents. “If I can get my parents to let me have a day off, I am going to take it,” they say. It is not about bomb anxiety.
On Friday, our school was safer than it has ever been. If parents wanted their children to be in a safe place, those kids would have been at school. Police canine units had swept the building. All students and staff’s bags were checked on the way in. Police were in and around the building. Our school was a fortress. Students were in far more danger out of school, especially if their parents left them alone. So why did thirty percent of parents allow their kids to stay home?
That is the question. Kids are open about the manipulation involved. Are parents aware they are being played? And what did kids do with their day off?
The sad truth is that too many parents are not in charge. Too many teenagers run the home and make the real decisions. The real scare is not of a bomb, but of an epidemic of weak and ineffectual parenting.
The child who wrote the bomb threat is manipulating the entire community and these parents are giving in to the tantrum. If everyone came to school and held a regular day of classes, there would be no incentive for students to write threats in bathrooms. These parents are encouraging this behavior to the detriment of the entire school system. We all suffer because of their poor decisions.
No wonder weak parenting has bred the entitled child epidemic. And never was this problem clearer than on Friday. Entitled children and their wimpy parents allowed the entire school to be held hostage. Thousands of dollars were spent and who knows how much was lost in state funding because parents could not say to kids, “I know you would like a day off, but it really is safe to go to school today.” If everyone came to school normally, we would be far less likely to have another bomb scare. Children throw tantrums sometimes – even dangerous and scary ones. Giving in only reinforces that negative behavior and encourages more of it.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
To Scantron or Not To Scantron: That is Not a Multiple Choice Question
I am teaching the wrong subject. While I love exploring reading, writing, and speaking with kids, grading all those essays is long and laborious.
I just turned in my grades. Of course, my students wrote essays for their finals. While I was grading, my daughter came in, looked at me and commented, “Most of my finals are scantron.” I asked what percentage of her tests were objective multiple-choice tests. She estimated about 80% of each of her tests, other than English, were objective questions answered on an electronic form. I asked myself, could I score an essay that way?
We give final exams by period of the day. First period is first and so on. However, years ago we did it differently. We used to give the tests by subject and English always went first. The rationale was that, since English teachers are giving subjectively graded written tests, they should have more time to grade.
As the years went on, teachers objected to English’s favored final status. They claimed that they too had subjective areas on their tests and needed additional time to grade. As a result, we went to a rotating system where departments traded that coveted first day slot.
The results were interesting. When English was not on the first day, English teachers began to ask students to prepare their finals at home and turn them in prior to finals week. Some shortened their tests or created more objective tests with quote identifications and short answers. It was very irritating to see many non-English teachers post their grades within a few hours of giving the exam.
So finally (pun intended), we landed on our present system of giving the tests by period of the day. It does ensure that English teachers will get their grading load distributed across the week. It still galls me to see the kids gather at other teachers’ doors to see their grades when I still have a huge stack of papers to read.
Yes, I know that other subjects are more content driven. It is easier to test them on the facts they can memorize, the problems they can solve, or the vocabulary they know. Because that would make my life so much easier, I often ask myself at these grating times of the year, why can’t I do that?
The answer is the skills I am teaching cannot be measured that way. My job is to teach them to read, write, communicate and, ultimately, think. No multiple-choice test can do that as well as a good old-fashioned writing sample. My final exam should be the culminating activity of the semester. What have we done? We have read books and analyzed them. We have written essays, papers, poems and notebook entries. We have discussed, given speeches, and debated. Is the use of a multiple-choice test an authentic way to assess students for those skills? I wish it were.
If scatron testing doesn’t work in English, should it work elsewhere? Should an objective test be the culmination of a semster’s study? In a world where facts change rapidly , we can look things up in a matter of microseconds, and computers do our calculating, are these kinds of finals the best way to teach? While memorizing has its place, is it the most important skill our children should master? The final skill?
While these are great questions, I have grading to do. If someday technology invents a scantron system to grade my essay, I might consider it. Until that happens, I don my glasses, rub my neck, and pick up my pen.
I just turned in my grades. Of course, my students wrote essays for their finals. While I was grading, my daughter came in, looked at me and commented, “Most of my finals are scantron.” I asked what percentage of her tests were objective multiple-choice tests. She estimated about 80% of each of her tests, other than English, were objective questions answered on an electronic form. I asked myself, could I score an essay that way?
We give final exams by period of the day. First period is first and so on. However, years ago we did it differently. We used to give the tests by subject and English always went first. The rationale was that, since English teachers are giving subjectively graded written tests, they should have more time to grade.
As the years went on, teachers objected to English’s favored final status. They claimed that they too had subjective areas on their tests and needed additional time to grade. As a result, we went to a rotating system where departments traded that coveted first day slot.
The results were interesting. When English was not on the first day, English teachers began to ask students to prepare their finals at home and turn them in prior to finals week. Some shortened their tests or created more objective tests with quote identifications and short answers. It was very irritating to see many non-English teachers post their grades within a few hours of giving the exam.
So finally (pun intended), we landed on our present system of giving the tests by period of the day. It does ensure that English teachers will get their grading load distributed across the week. It still galls me to see the kids gather at other teachers’ doors to see their grades when I still have a huge stack of papers to read.
Yes, I know that other subjects are more content driven. It is easier to test them on the facts they can memorize, the problems they can solve, or the vocabulary they know. Because that would make my life so much easier, I often ask myself at these grating times of the year, why can’t I do that?
The answer is the skills I am teaching cannot be measured that way. My job is to teach them to read, write, communicate and, ultimately, think. No multiple-choice test can do that as well as a good old-fashioned writing sample. My final exam should be the culminating activity of the semester. What have we done? We have read books and analyzed them. We have written essays, papers, poems and notebook entries. We have discussed, given speeches, and debated. Is the use of a multiple-choice test an authentic way to assess students for those skills? I wish it were.
If scatron testing doesn’t work in English, should it work elsewhere? Should an objective test be the culmination of a semster’s study? In a world where facts change rapidly , we can look things up in a matter of microseconds, and computers do our calculating, are these kinds of finals the best way to teach? While memorizing has its place, is it the most important skill our children should master? The final skill?
While these are great questions, I have grading to do. If someday technology invents a scantron system to grade my essay, I might consider it. Until that happens, I don my glasses, rub my neck, and pick up my pen.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
School's Cycles and Breaks
Returning to work after a vacation can be difficult. Going back to school after a break is often like diving into a cold swimming pool; it is a shock at first, but soon, you get used it. That is what I love about living in the world of education: the cycles. The academic calendar is built on a series of starts and stops, beginnings and endings. It is a constant spiral of cycles that never really repeat.
Each year I get a fresh set of faces in my classroom. Although I am teaching “the same” curriculum, it is never a rerun of the year before. Not only do my new students alter the way the class functions, I am never content to simply repeat what I did in the past. I must tinker and tweak, revise and improve my lessons. In fact, I spend much of the summer doing just that. I feel compelled to apply what I have learned one year to the next year.
As the year progresses, my students are no longer new. They become part of my family. As I plan, I ask myself, “How will James react to this?” or “Will this challenge Angela?” or “How can I make this work for Steven?” I tailor the instruction to the students in front of me. It is custom made and it will never fit another class like it fits the current one. That experience makes me a better teacher and I carry that into the next lesson and the next year.
Although I adore my students and my career, the days off and the three breaks are very welcome. They are rest notes in our beautiful academic symphony. Sometimes, they are short and they merely allow me to catch my breath. Sometimes, like winter break, they are long enough to divert me completely. Sometimes, they are long enough that, by the end, I am eager to return to my students and classroom.
The standard reply to the question, “how was your break?” is “not long enough.” However, the breaks accent the year in an important way. While there is debate about whether students should get homework over breaks (and similarly if teachers should grade over breaks), these breaks punctuate the learning experience and allow the learning “to sink in.”
People are not computers. We learn in a wide variety of ways. As we gain new skills, learn new concepts, we change. Especially for children (and their teachers), that process takes a ton of energy. I always know when my son is about to experience a growth spurt; he eats a ton and sleeps late. Learning is no different. Students need time to make connections, apply their learning to their daily experience and to gather energy for that next leap.
My entire professional career has been in education. I have never experienced a job that moves in a straight line. I watched my parents and friends and I think my cyclical career has advantages over the more conventional routine. Of course there are trade offs and many of those are all too obvious. However, as we finish this semester after winter break and a lovely three day holiday, I looked toward the renewal that comes after the breaks – and the breaks that come after the learning!
Each year I get a fresh set of faces in my classroom. Although I am teaching “the same” curriculum, it is never a rerun of the year before. Not only do my new students alter the way the class functions, I am never content to simply repeat what I did in the past. I must tinker and tweak, revise and improve my lessons. In fact, I spend much of the summer doing just that. I feel compelled to apply what I have learned one year to the next year.
As the year progresses, my students are no longer new. They become part of my family. As I plan, I ask myself, “How will James react to this?” or “Will this challenge Angela?” or “How can I make this work for Steven?” I tailor the instruction to the students in front of me. It is custom made and it will never fit another class like it fits the current one. That experience makes me a better teacher and I carry that into the next lesson and the next year.
Although I adore my students and my career, the days off and the three breaks are very welcome. They are rest notes in our beautiful academic symphony. Sometimes, they are short and they merely allow me to catch my breath. Sometimes, like winter break, they are long enough to divert me completely. Sometimes, they are long enough that, by the end, I am eager to return to my students and classroom.
The standard reply to the question, “how was your break?” is “not long enough.” However, the breaks accent the year in an important way. While there is debate about whether students should get homework over breaks (and similarly if teachers should grade over breaks), these breaks punctuate the learning experience and allow the learning “to sink in.”
People are not computers. We learn in a wide variety of ways. As we gain new skills, learn new concepts, we change. Especially for children (and their teachers), that process takes a ton of energy. I always know when my son is about to experience a growth spurt; he eats a ton and sleeps late. Learning is no different. Students need time to make connections, apply their learning to their daily experience and to gather energy for that next leap.
My entire professional career has been in education. I have never experienced a job that moves in a straight line. I watched my parents and friends and I think my cyclical career has advantages over the more conventional routine. Of course there are trade offs and many of those are all too obvious. However, as we finish this semester after winter break and a lovely three day holiday, I looked toward the renewal that comes after the breaks – and the breaks that come after the learning!
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